My love for you sank to the bottom of the ocean..

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Lost in love..

Wishlist

Here are the items!
~~1) Itouch~~
~~2) Skull Candy~~
3) Fred perry button shirt
~~4) Watch~~
5) Gucci wallet
~~6) Crumpler sling bag~~
7) Skaters Cap
8) Digital Camera
~~9) Clothes~~
~~10)White shoes~~
11)Accessories (tie, bowtie, brouch, vest etc..)

i'm packed.. ..

Written @ 7:54 PM

i got so hurt by wat bel had said.. she's cryin.. so m i.. .. *sob*

went back to sch 2day wif zhiyang.. band camp gg on.. gosh.. their marchin sux.. .. everitin oso sux.. ..

min suddenly called mi.. say wana meet mi.. den is like.. zhiyang ask mi for movie, so i ask her along lo.. decided to watch king kong.. went to TM buy ticket, zhiyang bless mi.. watch 9 o'clock show till midnite ard 12.30 den end? haas.. min bless mi to eat yoshinoya n took cab back.. thx u guys..

king kong was such a nice show.. .. tears flow.. it was soo touchin.. .. min cried too.. hers was like.. er.. tap flowin? haas.. ..

haas.. got 1 guy like min, but min don like him.. he waitin under her blk.. lolx.. den min don wana go home, call mi accompany her.. so we sat under my blk till 2am plus den i sent her back.. thx God we stay nxt blk onli.. wakaka.. ..

reli luv my honeys lotsa.. we mus reli go out as n wen we're free.. .. 'let our frenship not cease for it's onli the beginin.. we'll brave the storm 2gether.. ..'

broken hearted..

Written @ 6:32 PM

Reiji--- i do like u.. but.. i cant b wif u.. so plz.. stop askin hao ma.. .. bu yao rang wo wu fa zi ba.. .. Lord, keep mi away frm temptation.. ..

everitin is not gg fine.. sob.. Lord.. gif mi the strength to overcome all at i'm facin.. ..

'we r the reason tat He gave His life.. we r the reason tat He suffered n died.. to a world tat was lost He gave all He cld give.. to show us the reason to live.. ..'

Christmas.. ..

Written @ 6:33 AM

dis christmas seems a much more meaningful one to mi compared to all those i had in the past..

we had our svc on christmas eve itself.. wow.. lotsa frenz turned up.. well.. min n zhen came too! haas.. min? she wasnt ani stranger to CHC animore.. lolx..~ but its the 1st time aizhen attended svc in our church.. aizhen had been drifted away frm God for long.. both mi n min reli hope tat she'll b back wif Christ.. well.. praise God.. durin the altar call, she rose up her hand n she walk out; wif mi of cuz.. she responded!!! those excitement in mi can nv b mention usin words.. 'aizhen, i'm glad to haf u wif mi on the journey in servin the Lord.. stay wif mi.. ..'

aft svc, we went to bugis.. a pub? nono.. a club? nono.. a cafe? doesnt seems like.. haas.. dono wat izzit.. but we had an enjoyable time there.. we tok n luff like there's no tml.. photo takin session cumin up nxt!! lolx~ we wore the santa cap, walkin ard the street n take photo everiwhere.. cute~ take n take n take.. we've fotgotten abt the time!!! gosh.. we rushin like mad to get to esplanade as the rest r waitin for us there.. min walk till beri jia lad leh.. she wearin heels.. hoho.. i abt to carry her n walk liao lo.. lolx! aft all the sweatin, finally we reach esplanade!!! wen its 12, mi, min n aizhen gave a fatty hug to one another.. so sweet.. .. hope tat i can pause dis moment foreva.. luv u sistas lotsa..~

well.. yanglin doesnt feel 'well'.. so i insisited to send her home.. gosh.. no more bus!!! we've to walk frm eunos MRT to her place.. tats abt.. half an hr walk?? its reli far.. sori.. my mistake.. i shld say.. its VERY FAR!!! on our way, thou our words r few, but sumhw we noe wat the other party is tinkin.. .. her 'thx' to mi was sumwat touchin.. *smile*

thx God for min! she too cab n came to yanglin hse there to fetch mi.. muack muack!! ahh.. if not i oso dono hw i gg to go back.. i was rather reluctant to return home.. haas.. min, thx for ur company thou i noe u r tired.. xie xie.. =)

i reli enjoyed the christmas dis yr thou there're lotsa tins tat trapped deep down inside my heart.. but still wana thx u guys for playin a part in makin it a significant one for mi.. .. luv u guys lot lot lot lot!!!

moody.. ..

Written @ 5:58 PM

vex vex vex.. haiz.. but its ok.. God, i noe u r there for mi.. i bein to luv u more n more.. even wen i'm walkin on the road, i will gif u praise.. .. let ur presence b wif mi.. ..

thx God.. i nearly cldnt find my name tag 2day.. i cant afford to lose the name tag as i onli work for the 2nd day! haiz.. search for ard half n hr, aft diggin out all my bag, i still cldnt find.. i den pray to God.. hopin tat he'll tell mi where my name tag locate.. the min i end wif 'amen..' i turned, i saw my name tag! praise God.. its not the 1st time le.. He's reli so real.. .. He's always wif mi.. guidin n leadin mi.. thx Father.. ..

tml workin oso.. i'm startin to luv my job.. i like the ppl there.. dis job is definately more fun den pasta mania.. ppl there r nice n frenzly.. crazy 2gether.. lotsa fun.. here u can oso b siao siao wif the manager.. cuz.. he oso SIAO de!!! lolx.. 2day ze, yanglin, sandy, jas, kel, all came to CJ to eat.. waa.. fellowshipin at CJ? haas.. nice..

yanglin promised to go watch king kong wif mi! haas.. yeah.. aft a yr she finally agreed.. she doesnt like to watch movie de.. she say waste money.. dis time round she agree to go wif mi, is a miracle! thx yanglin.. ..!

so tired.. .. gona slp le.. .. nite bloggy.. ..~

tired.. ..

Written @ 5:39 AM

wat do i mean by 'tired'? 'tired' can b classify into numerous categories.. spiritual tiredness.. emotionally tiredness.. physically tiredness.. yes.. sounded rather complex? haas.. not at all..

let mi touch on the most common tiredness.. tat is spiritually tiredness.. still rem wen i'm young in my doin in church.. i'm worn out in lota ways, not onli tat, but wore out easily too.. .. the min i bein to feel n tink tat 'ahh.. y mus i stay in church.. y mus i serve God.. bla bla bla..' wen all such negative tots came abt tat afftected my spiritual life, tats call spiritually tiredness.. so-called tired wif church's stuff.. ..

but in my dis entry.. haas.. it isnt abt spiritual tiredness at all.. its abt physical tiredness.. i've been started workin.. gosh.. guess i've been rottin for truely a LONG period.. first day of work kills.. my body achin all over.. haas.. (addin on to playin bball n carryin BBQ tingy).. kee.. =P i'm workin 2day as well.. .. haiz.. pray tat time will pass jus like the speed of lightin..

had my off day ytd.. as usual, zhiyang will called mi out.. since liang overslept n dint turn up for work, we asked him along as well.. n he call kel along too.. zhiyang reminded to mi fetch yanglin frm work.. yeah.. i nearly forgotten.. so he was like askin 'mama, y mus we fetch lion?' (tats the way he call yanglin).. i tot for a while, n i gave my reply 'well.. i dono leh.. but.. nw a days i workin le ma.. no time go fetch her.. since 2day i off, den go lo.. is like.. she's tat cheerful.. everitime see her will brighten up my bluey day.. ya.. like tat lo..' GOSH.. guess i put it the wrong way man.. dono hw he absorb.. in the end turns out to b sumwat like 'i mus go fetch yanglin in order to b HAPPI!!' ahh.. dis is not ridiculars.. but is outrageous!!! the worse tin is.. he go tell ah liang!!! den both of dem luffin all the way.. dono wat so funi oso.. argh.. .. >=(

i'm rather busy recently.. haiz.. doesnt even haf the time for my beloved com.. it had been more den 24hrs tat my hand had not been laid on my precious keyboard.. ahh.. hw cld dis b...??? wat a torment.. .. guess there'll b more of such days cumin.. lolx.. ..

1st day at work..

Written @ 5:50 PM

well.. 2day is the 1st day of mi at work in CJ.. hmm.. almost late.. haas.. went to meet zhiyang at parkway, den go eat.. aft eatin realise tat its oreli 4.12!!! gosh.. i nid to b there before 5.. raffles place!!! its so far!!! no choice.. goto take cab.. yang said in a beri confident manner tat for sure we'll reach CJ before 4.45.. i was like 'sure bo..' .. true enuf.. haas.. we reli reach before 4.45.. rushed in, change uniform, fill up the form again, sign dis n tat, clock in bla bla bla.. its fun.. the uniform looks great to mi.. at least i look slimmer wif it? lolx.. (deceivin myself)..

erm.. haas.. bel was the 1 assign to teach mi.. but is like.. she got nth to teach? cuz i all noe le!!! lolx~ all FnB system same same de ma.. wakaka~ in the end she was like 'oh.. dis 1 hor.. er.. tink u noe liao la.. n tat 1 hor.. iya.. u oso noe rite?' lolx.. haas.. ..

liang told mi tat the ppl there r 'cunnin'.. bel told mi dey were nice.. erm.. hu shall i listen to? haas.. nah.. no1.. goto xperience it myself.. .. trust not totally in man but God.. so.. aft all my purpose is to work, not to mix too well wif the ppl there.. i've yet to noe all the ppl there.. but those tat i interacted 2day seems nice n frenzly.. .. yup.. specially adam.. haas.. keep on starin at mi.. den tell mi he see mi b4.. ask if i play do play bball.. lolx.. indeed i play bball one.. but hor.. i nv see him b4 leh.. wakaka! he dismiss at the same time as mi n we gave 1 another ^5.. lolx~

thx ah yang.. my beloved son.. he send mi to work, not onli tat, he waited till i dismiss.. reli appreciated him alot alot.. .. enjoy smsin wif him, or even tok to him on the fone.. he's the 1st guy frenz tat i can tok so long on the fone wif.. haas.. but tat was such a long time ago tingy.. .. nw no more le.. aww.. nw almost everiday we sms.. wakaka!~ share wif 1 another our feelins.. yeah~ grow 2gether!!!

sumhw i doubted bel over alot of tins.. but times n again i keep tellin myself to haf faith in her.. i told her too 'bel.. i always haf tat faith in u.. let tat fire of faith not burn out will u..? i don mind nor urge for anitin but jus wana u to b back wif us..' .. .. even if no1 understands her, i do.. wif few simple words frm both our msn nick, we got wat another party tryin to imply.. .. no matter wat.. at least i noe she reli does treasue n cherish the frenzship n sistahood btwn the both of us.. .. i still luv her no matter wat she did.. 'bel.. i luv u..'

i'm owein wat i nv haf but is losin wat i used to haf.. .. .. *sigh*

Lord, i luv the feelin nw.. wif u.. u r ard.. tins were gettin beta n beta.. u always make a way for mi wen there seems no way.. wen 1 door is closed, u always open anothers.. Lord i thx u for tat..

'God will make a way, wen there seems to b no way.. He works a way, we cannot see, He will make a way for mi.. He'll b my guide, hold mi closely to his side.. wif luv n strength, for each few days, He will make a way.. He will make a way.. ..'

dis song is by Don moen.. tittle 'God will make a way..' sent by bro to mi.. a nice n anointin song indeed.. ..

who am i.. ..

Written @ 3:11 AM

'who am i.. tat the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt.. .. who am i.. tat the bright n mornin stars, would choose to light their way, frm my eva wonderin heart.. .. not bcuz of who i m, but bcuz of wat u've done.. not bcuz of wat i've done.. but bcuz of u who r~ i am a flower quickly fadin, here today n gone tomorrow.. a wave toss in the ocean, a vapour in the wind.. still you.. u hear mi when i'm callin.. Lord u catch mi wen i'm fallin, n you told mi who i am.. .. i am yours.. ..'

wat a touchin song.. .. Lord, catch mi wen i'm fallin.. ..

Dame fookin man! early in the mornin my mom push open my door, i'm an easily wake up person.. the min ppl push open my door, definately i will wake up.. dame man.. she came in, n i turn n ask her wat she wan.. she say she lookin for her speaker.. plz...! wats her speaker doin in my rm??? she din leave still but starin ard.. fine.. i let her stare.. i try to return to my slp.. but.. i cldnt.. (i oreli super duper pek cek) she walked out.. ya.. but aft awhile, i went out as well.. since i wake up le den mite as well use com.. i den told her tat the speaker is in my bro's rm n on the floor, call her go take.. guess wat she say??!! fook.. 'kor kor slpin.. don go in..' dame! don wana disturb him, but cum my rm disturb mi??!!!! fookin shit!!!

nw tat i'm bloggin.. she stood beside mi.. wantin to noe wat i write.. fine.. i don gif a dame.. let her read lo..

ytd oreli dame fookin tu lan.. my entire day schedule is planned.. jus a call frm her n everitin ruin.. wen i was abt go accompany zhiyang to bro's hse, she called.. call mi go to her workplace immediately n take noodles home.. siao.. i told her i cannot make itat tat time.. i'll go down ltr.. aniwae, he wun b home so early de.. i suppose to play bball wif zhiyang aft gg bro's hse, so i told her aft 8 plus i will go collect.. she was like.. not happi? call mi go down ASAP.. dame.. if he's hungry, cant he go down eat??!! no hand or no leg??? plz la.. fook man.. if he don treat mi as a daughter, y mus i treat him as a father!!! at 7, my mum called again.. is like sayin hw cum so late le i haben turn up to collect the noodle.. who cares? aniwae i'm not the one wana eat it.. if he hungry, den call him go down buy!!! who call him lazy don wana go her workplace take!!! wan mi take? den wait la!!! bloody idiot.. den i mus travel frm bedok, to kallang, to raffles, den to tamp to collect, den return home, den go tamp again.. wat the fook is tat.. my bro at home happily shakin legs, den don wana call him collect.. dame fookin shit man!!! in the end she noe i angry.. wateva she tok, i don wana ans.. den wat? use money to BUY my attention.. gif mi $50.. but thx God la.. the money came in at the rite time.. i reli broke.. n my ez link onli left 35 cent i tink? i was jus tinkin hw m i suppose to travel back frm CJ aft workin.. .. haiz.. .. here cums here money.. ..

aniwae.. all the enjoyment n fun shall cease.. start workin 2day le.. gona piah all the way.. no more spare time le.. haiz.. its gd la.. no worries but jus work n work n work.. ..

i wan my manasseh Lord.. b slow to angry.. b slow to angry.. b slow to angry.. arrgghh~

feelin vex.. ..

Written @ 5:28 PM

there r tins tat i reli doesnt noe hw to put it in words.. so vex.. kinda mixed feelins.. so hard to xplain, yet i noe, God understands hw i feel.. .. gona haf QT ltr.. i blif He'll take all unpleasent tots n feelins away.. He'll takes it all.. .. yes.. ..

2day's outin everitin went on smoothly i can say.. yup.. thx for everiones' effort.. thx to all the committees (clap clap for myself too cuz i'm oso the committee?).. u guys had done a gd job! greatly appreciated.. =)

shld b tats all ba.. nth more to say le.. .. heal tat wound in mi Lord.. .. break tat hurt wif ur light.. 'Light of the world, u step down into darkness, open my eyes let mi see..' .. ..

my day.. ..

Written @ 4:54 PM

Praise the Lord.. i was left wif no money.. ytd ate in CJ.. buy for yanglin too? lolx.. totally peniless.. suay bo suay.. both ez link oso no money.. i was left wif nth.. i got so anxious! dono hw m i suppose to go for svc.. thx God.. i manage to dig out 60 cents man! haas.. He always make a way for us isnt it? haas.. jie min was there to offer her $5 for mi to top up my ez link.. thx min! without ur $5 i'll b doom le.. .. thx thx thx!

Sandy msg mi.. she reach EXPO at ard 1 plus? gosh.. so early.. she say she was rather down? feelin low.. she tok to mi abt wat had happened (she got scolded by sum1).. well.. not tat severe.. i settled it for her secretly in the end.. i told her, 'well.. trust God tat tins will turn well! haf faith in Him tat the person will apologise to u!' she answered.. 'no.. impossible tat person will apologise de..' true enuf, jus within a few mins time, she receive a sms frm tat person.. haas.. she apologised.. .. haas.. (actually i go tok to the person ma).. lolx.. .. but aniwae.. tins turns out fine.. at least Sandy is ok le? haas.. =)

bel lied.. i mean.. i cant say much abt her.. .. but jus wana tell her.. 'bel.. .. u disappointed mi far too much.. ..'

2day i let go my hair.. yee.. so sucky.. but is like.. if don let go, cannot wear tat christmas hat leh.. so i let go lo.. haas.. yanchen came to mi n say 'Esther! u look great! specially wen u let go ur hair, the below part beri nice!' waa.. got ppl praise mi leh.. wakaka!~

tml is the outin le.. everitin seems so last min kind.. i was shock tat i'm in the committee.. bro pick de.. is like.. he tink tat those he selected got a DIFFERENT SPIRIT? er.. m i? but b it whether i like it anot, i was oreli selected.. i haf a task to complete, so i mus b responsible enuf for it.. everitin last min.. i was reli at lost of wat to do.. so pek cek.. argh.. but is like.. i told ze i nid ard $50.. yup.. but well.. i got bought much more food den stated, but it cost less den wat we estimated! woo! everitin is beyond budget!!! well.. God will always wan us to b wise in spendin money isnt it? keke.. .. haf lota fun wif mei mei, yuan n liang in Giant while buyin the food.. wakaka~ we're so noisy!!! but reli beri fun.. mei mei treat us eat ice cream leh.. lolx~ thx mei mei!!!

2day's svc is great.. the ambience is sooo gd.. soo romantic.. wen thousands candles ard r bein lited up, soo nice.. n there's 1 CGL sittin in front of mi.. he's soo young n HANDSOME!!! haha! den the usher beri cute.. i keep on starin at him.. 'wat a cute usher..' i was tellin myself tat.. haas.. n.. at the mid of the sermon.. erm.. sori to say, but i saw bro valor slpin.. =X er.. mayb he's too tired? but too bad, I SAW IT!!! bro valor, ORH HOR!!!

m i reli learnin to b beta oreli? or is yanglin learnin to b more understand? haas.. guess both ba.. i knew tat i threw sum attitude at her 2day.. but is like.. she's not angry at all.. she consoled mi sum more.. i don mean it la.. but.. haas.. nvm.. don say le.. she say i everitime findin xcuses.. haas.. don find liao la! lolx! thx xiao yang! (lolx.. tats wat wenting called her) i jus luv u tooo much! *muackz!* y i luv her so much neh? cuz she simply worth it.. .. yes.. she does.. ..

so tired.. but cant slp yet.. nw defrozin the chicken.. ltr goto marinate.. if not tml outin nth to eat liao.. haas.. den is like.. goto wake liang up at 8 tml? meet him at 9 n reach CJ at 10? haha! wat a packed day will b tml.. bro say to update him abt the food tin.. hw tin goes n so on n so for.. but hor.. he off hp leh.. hw to tell him neh? lolx~ nvm.. sms him ba.. .. kk.. i go flip the chicken liao.. can defroze another packet le.. =P

i shall stop here ba.. still got lota tins to do.. haiz.. ..

happi? sad?

Written @ 7:01 PM

bel is back finally.. so glad.. God reli does ans prayer.. dis mornin b4 i wake up, i dreamt of bel n liang.. i dreamt tat both mi n bel had tok! we're havin lota fun 2gether! so happi.. dreamt tat liang slot money in my wallet again.. tats wat he always do wen i haf no money.. so happi so happi.. but wen i wake up.. i den realise tat it was jus a dream.. *sigh*

jus nw i went to CJ.. no1 noein tat i will b headin down.. bel saw mi.. she was like 'Esther!!!' i'm stunned.. 'i was lookin for u!!!' *quest mark* she seems so happi upon seein mi.. wakaka~ we sat down n tok.. lolx.. jus like wat we used to do.. she look like baboon 2day? wakaka!~ i pinch pinch her cheek.. kee.. yes.. tats reli the bel i noe!!! ahhh!!! dreams do cum true!!! all tins seems fine.. i mean.. all tins will b fine wif the help of God! lolx~ bel, i luv u!!!

yanglin came to CJ to find mi n haf dinner 2gether.. she reli reli seems tired.. i've nv seen her so tired b4.. her eyes went reddish even.. plz.. don work so hard can? it hurts ppl ard u to see u like tat.. dono y la.. she's always the 1 tat makes mi worry.. .. arrggh~ cuz i care? lolx~.. .. at least i noe she worth it.. ..

i miss Edwin.. finally got his num.. msg him.. everitin doesnt reli go well.. he's rather reluctant to tok to mi.. is like.. everi1 tot i'm the 1 tat broke up wif him.. .. but no.. he did.. .. i wasnt reli beri sad.. but i noe deep down my heart, it was bleedin.. all along he's waitin for tat 3 words.. but times n again, i refuse to say it.. but nw listen well.. 'Edwin, i do luv u.. n i reli do..' .. noein tat he wun b able to see, yet still i wana say it out.. .. aft we broke up, he backslided.. i wld rather choose to leave in xchange of him back.. .. reli.. .. felt fully remorse n filled wif guilt.. i can bring myself up to be frenz wif him.. y cant he.. ..? sob~

thx steve.. don reli noe him well.. jus another brother in our church? haas.. but upon hearin tat i no money, he transfered $40 over.. .. thx.. he sum more wana get mi 6680 (pst kong tat 3G fone) for Christmas.. .. nono.. too ex le.. .. haas.. but aft all, thx God for him.. =)

sun got CG outin.. haiz.. still got trainin leh.. nided go back CJ frm 10-1.. .. sianz~ finally i start work le! i had been rottin at home man.. cool~ Esther, start movin!!!

dis song means so much to mi.. ..

Written @ 3:44 PM

my blog song is reli nice.. it means so much to mi.. it was dedicated by nini dear to mi.. .. the song title 'thx God i found u'.. .. tats was wen i'm angry, she sent dis song to mi.. nw tat i dedicate dis song back to her.. .. 'ni.. can u hear it.. ..?' *sob*

n i wanted to dedicate dis song to yanglin.. .. yes.. 'thx God i found u'.. ..

mi..

Written @ 1:34 AM

i'm finally on track nw.. thou at times, i do feel rather reluctant still to do tins n go church, but.. i force myself to! at least i noe havin an encounter wif God is impt.. each time i go, is a chance of an encounter.. so.. mus go!!!

i thx God for placin bro n yanglin in my life.. Bro.. nv gif mi up b4 no matter hw much attitude i had on him.. yanglin.. er.. proclaim tat she gave up on mi.. but.. haas.. i noe she din.. well.. er.. din mean to hurt her so much.. but is like.. i'm learnin ya? still learnin.. .. hope i wun hurt u ani further in the future..

i feel so great nw!!! reli.. the fire in mi is burnin! stronger n stronger everiday!!! erm.. havin my QT so regulary.. haas.. tokin to God feels soooo gd.. .. i always sit at 1 half of my bed.. haas.. hopin tat God will drop by n sit at the other half of my bed, beside mi n tok to mi, listen to mi tokin.. =)

bel.. i noe u wun b readin dis.. but i reli wana tell u.. no1 in the cell is tokin bad abt u.. all we hope is for u to cum back.. B.. each time i return, is bcuz u call mi back.. ask n it shall b given.. isnt it? u called, n i do as u say.. so nw.. i'm askin u to cum back.. will u..? i luv u.. i reli do.. 2day we finally toked.. u smile at mi n stick out ur tongue.. i felt so plz n happi.. i smile back n i tok to u.. i missed those days.. u, mi n liang.. we're always happi no matter wat we do n where we go.. wen can those days cum again.. ..? B.. the hug u had given to mi was the most real n memoriable tat i can eva find.. i wan the hug frm u again.. .. sob.. .. B.. cum back hao ma.. i'm waitin.. waitin for the day of u returnin.. .. ..

i've realise sumtin.. tat its impt to express ourself.. all along i din noe hw to express myself.. the best quote i like was 'ahh.. nvm la.. forget it..'.. but bro say tat its WRONG!!! he call mi to express myself, if its necessary, lecture n scold ppl tat offenced mi.. haas.. nv keep it to myself, cuz i will XPLODE!.. well.. i always do.. tats y ended up xplodin n in the end ppl tat involve r unhappi.. i'm learnin.. haas.. like ytd? tok to yanglin online.. actually almost quarrel de.. but is like.. i reli cannot stand le.. so i say everitin out.. haas.. in the end tins go well la.. .. well.. all tins go well wif the help of God ma.. God, thx u! u r almighty! *muackz!*

bro say tat actually both mi n yanglin, we holds the same character de.. is like.. she take heart of everitin i say, so m i of everitin she said.. den in the end we keep on broodin n dwellin of wat one another say till we bcum crashed.. =.=" lolx~ true leh.. well.. tats y i say.. i will learn not to take in wat other say out of anguishness! even hw harsh dey were to b, hw dey flare at mi, its ok de! cuz i'm there for dem, not there to quarrel wif dem! keke~ aft all, everi1 is like tat de ma.. angry den anihw tok.. so y mus we take in wat dey say? haf the ability to fliter wateva tat enters out ears.. yeah~ tats the way.. ..

i mus oso learn to b slow to get angry.. cannot make it leh.. i angry too easily le.. hw huh.. haiz.. CONTROL! i'm tryin to.. haas.. will de will de.. lolx~

yanglin ar.. i always blif tat God had place us in one another life for a certain purpose.. so is like.. all along i regretted 1 tin.. i do all tins except to pray for our frenship.. so nw.. everi of my QT, i will tell God hw we r nw.. hw tins btwn us went.. i always pray for a beta relation btwn u n mi.. pray for us to b more understandin 2wards 1 another.. pray for us to always b there weneva one is down n upset.. .. i'm workin on it.. gif mi time.. ..

Daddy muumy quarrel beri long le.. cold war started mths ago till nw, it haben end.. .. mummy had been slpin in the livin rm.. i tried to keep her company n i brought out all my pillow n bolster to slp wif her.. but is like.. aft 3 days, i cannot tar han.. cant leh.. i miss my bed.. .. everiday mummy cum hm frm work, she will tok non stop, share wif mi abt her day.. but is like.. weneva my frenz called, she'll b unhappi.. say tat i wan frenz, don wan her.. tats not the case.. is like.. arrggh.. she onli wan to tok, den wan mi to listen.. don allow mi to do anitin like tat.. daddy had been cumin hm slammin door.. guess the door will soon drop de la.. haiz.. slam slam slam.. slam till i don even feel like stay at home.. scold mi tat day sum more.. den is like.. not my fault? but still let him scold la..

Daddy used to beat mi n kor kor beri often de.. lock us in the rm, den cane till our skin tear?.. still rem he threw chair at kor kor, hit rite on his back.. the chair broke into pcs.. n nor.. my kor's back got 'tatto' appear lo.. bleed till jia lad jia lad.. .. he everitime tok, den wan us ans.. don ans, he slap.. if we do, he oso slap.. slap till our teeth bleed n face swollen den he stop.. pull my hair sum more.. arrggh.. at times wen i tink back.. reli beri phobia.. so wen yanglin told mi abt her proms, tins bein to flash back in my mind.. i mean.. i reli care alot for her proms.. but is like.. she say 'in the future, i don nid ur help.' .. so hurt leh.. =,( but once again, bro call mi don take it to heart.. .. so.. i try to do as wat he say.. aft all i blif tats her word of anguishness.. don reject my help can? =( haiz.. .. i reli jus wana help.. ..

God, once again i pray for wisdom in makin decisions.. let mi b wise wen i tok.. let everi sentence not b offensive 2wards others.. let mi b slow to get angry but fast in reactin.. ..

bro's exam finally over le! PTL! haas.. he reli seems beri stress for the past few weeks.. nw he can relax le.. =)

hao ba.. tml still got tins to do.. goto meet ze to discuz for the xmas BBQ tingy.. so busy recently.. haas.. goto slp le.. but hey! TV nw got jap horror movie! beri nice n thrillin!! eh? like i watch b4 leh.. but nvm.. can watch again! wakak!~ go watch TV le! aft tat go slp.. nw oreli mid nite 3 plus liao.. lolx~

oh ya.. the time stated for my blog soort soort de.. not the rite time.. cannot change even.. lousy blog.. .. arrggh.. haas.. kk i shall end here ba..!

lesson taught

Written @ 1:40 AM

2day was reli an unhappi day.. but aft all tat i've been thru, i've learnt not to trust n rely on man totally but on God.. my attitude was horrendous, but at least i noe, i'm changin.. if non of u wana gif mi the chance to, at least i noe bro would, God too.. ..

bro jus nw called mi.. i mean.. i was rather sad la.. .. he cannot accept tat i'm so low self esteem.. self diminishin.. .. jus bcuz of others say dey don nid ani of my help in the future, den i was like so crashed..? but bro was like 'i noe u.. if u r of no help, hu will b den? u r capable in doin tins n get tins done.. yes.. u r..' thx bro.. thou i promised him not to cont in such, but still.. i feel tat i'm so useless.. i was reli reli beri down.. but aft tokin to bro, the hurt seems lesser.. he straighten tins out for mi.. guess aft my QT ltr, ALL hurts will b gone.. .. i noe my bluved Father, u will take it all.. ..

bro taught mi to differ constructive words n unconstructive words.. nv to take in wat others say wen dey're down or angry.. haf the ability of fliterin all words tat enters my ears.. dis min on, i will place myself at the front line for everi1 tat nided the help of sum1.. i will learn hw not to take in words of anguishness but bein firm n still wif wat i'm doin.. GURAD my heart.. !!!

finally i found the pleasure in tokin to bro.. i'm sooo accountable nw tat everi simple minor tins tat happen, i'll inform him 1st.. enjoy tokin to him n share wif him.. he cares.. he luv everi single of the mems.. bro, i luv u too.. <3

gettin back on track wasnt easy at all.. so tough.. so much tins for mi to learn.. like wat ze say.. once u fall, startin everitin afresh again wasnt easy.. .. its a long way.. true.. eourage n strength were nv enuf for mi den.. . i'm reli gg thru a tough time.. Abba.. plz b there for mi.. u assured mi of my life tat nth will happen to mi.. for wateva sorrows i gone thru, u understands it all.. u share the same pain n burden.. hug mi tite in ur arms will u b? plz.. .. i cry out in silence for u.. *sob*

sad day.. ..

Written @ 11:27 PM

so many tins burdened mi.. trapped inside my heart.. .. i was totally at lost of wat to do but jus cry.. ..

others so fond in lyin to mi.. .. why.. ..

2dat svc was great.. i wept like nv b4.. .. so touched.. regardless wat happens, at least i noe God is there.. Daddy Jesus will assure mi fine.. .. n bro told mi, even if certain matters is too huge for mi to carry, he'll support it for mi b4 i got exhasted.. .. so touched.. .. toked to bro.. felt beta nw.. thx bro..

'twinkle twinkle little star.. hw i wonder wat u r.. up abv the world so high.. like a diamond in the sky.. twinkle twinkle little star.. hw i wonder wat u r.. ..' so nice.. .. weneva i'm down.. i like to sing dis song to myself.. .. i aways wrote 'i wish upon a star' as my msn sub nick.. guess tats always wen i was truely down ba.. ..

bro told mi don rely on ppl, but God.. .. put my feelins upon Him.. .. true.. perhaps He'll b the onli 1 tat wldnt hurt mi ba.. ..

so many tins.. so pain so pain.. so tough so tough.. .. help Lord.. ..

dono

Written @ 12:41 AM

din noe tat tokin on fone oso will attracts so many ppl.. .. haas.. n jus nice, tears r flowin down n all of dem saw.. .. suay.. ..

had a drink ytd.. all of their face red red except for mine.. haas.. jiu liang hao? nah.. at 1st i tot mine was gd.. but till 2day.. i den doubt it..

i drank 4 an a half bottle 2day? aft 2 bottle, i could hardly walk properly.. (i guan the whole bottle).. .. den is like.. liang keep on grabbin hold to mi.. but u see.. ppl tat r drunk doesnt like others to hold dem de.. haas.. so i push n push his hands away.. went to find joanne n yanglin at bosyshop.. intended to fetch yanglin home frm work.. joanne was like 'wat happen to u??' liang answered 'she seh liao..' den joanne nag lo.. .. 'ur jiu wei so strong! u drink alot izzit?!' again i din ans anitin.. i was like 'i cum to fetch yanglin home.. i wait outside kk?' there, i turn n walk off.. joanne was like 'walk properly hor!' (cuz i oreli start to walk left to rite, rite to left n cris cross kind).. i answered 'orh!'.. n the nxt min, i almost roll down the stairs.. thx God liang gif a quick grab.. reli cant see properly.. .. actually i not drunk? still beri sober.. but onli cannot see properly.. lolx~

nah.. i luv to drink.. but is like.. cannot leh.. 2day i din wear my cross out.. haas.. guys, its dangerous wen i'm not wif my cross.. cuz i will always do sumtin 'special' tat day.. .. the cross MUS b wif mi weneva i go out de.. ..

haas.. bro called jus nw.. dono y i will go ans his call.. lolx.. .. too blurr liao.. ..

i noe drinkin is not gd.. but at least, at tat moment.. i'm settin myself free.. .. it reli feels gd.. gd on the inside but not on the outside.. cuz is like.. cant see a tin..

i'm sober nw.. ya.. i m.. partially.. yanglin callin ltr.. .. prepared to get a scoldin frm her.. .. nah.. i was wrong to get myself drunk, so.. ya.. prices had to b paid.. let her scold lo.. ..

AAAHHHHH!!!! xin qin hen bu hao ar!!!!!!!!!!!!! nvm.. drinkin doesnt help much too.. .. haiz.. ..

vex

Written @ 1:11 AM

bloggy.. ahhh~!!! so pek cek!!! AHHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2day's prayer meetin was awesome.. gd.. cool~ the presence was strong.. .. din regret gg, but yet regret.. .. haiz.. u guys don understand.. ..

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nice day.. ..

Written @ 10:46 PM

jus return home frm town.. went to boatquay wif yanglin n ah yuan to haf our dinner.. .. haas.. wat a long walk b4 we got to the shop.. ..

aft eatin we decided to walk walk ard the river side.. so coolin.. .. tried to take sum foto but it seems too tough.. the area too dark.. so is like.. cant see our face in the foto? haas.. we go to bugis, den proceed to city hall, den raffles place.. frm raffles place to boat quay, den to fullerton hotel, den to esplanade.. aft tat back to city hall again.. .. haas.. .. so tirin.. ..

i enjoyed 2day's trip alot.. thou onli haf the 3 of us, but its still as fun..

thx yanglin.. for offerin urself to keep mi acompany.. .. guess u noe i'm rottin at home ba.. haas.. n of cuz i noe u r tired, aft ur work u meet mi straight.. xin ku ni le.. but i reli appreciates it alot.. n thx for listenin to mi.. haas.. nice tok ytd.. er.. thou i'm the 1 tat tok non stop.. u din interrupe at all.. lolx~ thx thx.. u sing n sing 'mei you ni zai wo you duo fan nao.. (mei you ni zai wo you duo fan nao duo nan ao)'.. .. lolx!~ jay's song.. guess he gona cry wen he hear it.. .. wakaka~

ahh.. wat a nice, n relax day for mi.. .. ..

relation.. ..

Written @ 1:32 PM

my decision.. 'yes.. i do.. ..'. in my heart, i tink so.. .. so much so wanted to b wif him.. but in reality, i cant.. .. .. u r not a christian.. .. n.. i noe.. deep down in ur heart, there exist sum1 else.. .. let's jus b frenz ba.. .. *tong ku*

i oreli cry till no tears.. .. msg aft msg had been sent n yet, y wun u reply.. .. m i reli wrong in tellin u the facts? m i reli wrong.. .. y did u choose him den God.. .. y did everitin turn out like dis.. y u bcum like dis.. .. even bro valor wash his hands off u.. but i noe, i cant.. .. wun u cum back.. ..? do u reli wan tins to end up like dis? sob~ it hurts mi so to see u in such state.. .. everi1 is concern abt u.. everi1 do!!! u hear it??? sob.. ahhh.. ..

y.. y do i always die in the hands of 'RELATIONS'??? b it frenzship, luv, or even my relation wif God.. i cant handle.. i reli cant.. help mi ani1.. ..? sob.. ..~

wat a day.. ..

Written @ 12:39 AM

learnt to control myself le.. sat i was soo soo sooo sooooo soooooo sooooo PEK CEK.. call liang, he din wan to pick up.. yanglin nv cum svc 2, den nv tell us, ern i ask her hu she inform, she say she informed bel.. the prom is.. bel oso disappear.. -.-"

abt the CG outin's plan.. everitin ok liao.. say hao le aft svc we go buy food 2gether.. guess wat.. jas called mi up n say she cannot go, den is like 'esther.. u go buy everitin urself can?' (onli mi n jas haf the list of wat to buy).. fine.. wat can i say.. tot still haf yanglin to go wif mi.. hu noes.. she go svc 3.. call us either wait for her, or we go 1st.. ahh!! wat the .. .. den is like.. as usual la.. everi1 pang seh one.. ruined.. so tu lan.. *shikarabaso*

den 2day wait for yanglin wait till i pek cek man.. .. frm 7, bcum 7.20, den she say will reach at 8.. in the end till 8.20 den cum.. thx God kel was ard.. i bet she cld finish cookin without the help of kel.. .. aniwae, i was prepared tat the fried rice wldnt b ready.. but in the end.. i felt more den thxful enuf tat she did turn up..

den 2day's outin.. haiz.. dis 1 don go, tat 1 don go.. i was tired beat.. i don feel like gg either.. den wenting keep on pullin mi.. den tat kel.. say lots of tins jus to make mi go.. jus care abt the attence? sick.. of cuz dey happi la.. all of dey slp till so soundly.. i nv even slp lo.. for the entire nite i was workin thruout.. my leg was so pain so pain.. dey all onli care hu got go hu din go.. upon hearin wenting callin jac.. i was like eyes swollen den don cum? hmm.. kk.. reason valid.. .. but.. .. did she INFORM ani1??? see..

shared wif yanglin abt sumtin tat no1 ought to noe.. guess wat's her reaction? she tell mi she feel like luffin.. .. haas.. wat a great joke.. .. forget it.. lesson taught.. nv to share wif ani1 AGAIN.. ..

these 2days was horrible la.. ahh.. but is like.. i din show ani anger? haas.. as i say.. swollow everitin down into my stomach lo.. .. AAHHHH!!!!

wat to do.. ..

Written @ 1:01 AM

msg her ytd nite.. 'feelin beta.. ..?' but.. she choose not 2 reply.. .. my body n soul doesnt seems to colite.. physically, i'm not hurt, nor even sad.. .. but emotionally n spiritually, i was so crushed.. ..

hw cum suddenly in my life appear so many guys? wooin mi 1 aft another.. too bad.. .. i don fancy.. Andy, i appreciate u for tryin so hard in solvin the 'equation' in gettin my num, but.. .. we're frenz ya? =) i'm waitin for my mr rite.. n i noe, its yet the rite time.. .. u r nice.. reli.. .. ur sincerity touches mi, n hence, u deserve my num.. .. u r so young, yet so capable.. 19 n u r drivin.. i noe u don mind bein my chauffer, but i do ya? haas.. i can take bus n MRT de.. .. thx for all tat u've done.. ..

oh.. thx Alex.. haas.. u r always there wen i nided songs? haas.. everi song i wan, i simply jus haf to approach u.. even if u don haf, u'll download it for mi.. thx thx thx.. .. oh.. shiftin to EXPO le.. can see each other more often le! u r in svc 1 oso rite? wakaka! see u there! oh.. wonder wat svc was Andrew posted to.. lolx~ nvm.. ltr go ask him.. wakaka!

drew ar.. wat happen to u.. 1st time see u spiritually sick leh.. but frm ur nick, i guess u're ok le.. jia you ok? tat day i gave u the verse 2cor 4:8-9 rite.. apply it wor..~ i'm applyin myself as well.. =)

2day learnt a new song.. haas.. learn hw to sing XING GUANG by S.H.E.. lolx.. i recorded it down.. everiday at home nth to do.. on speaker loud loud, den sing wif it, ma jiam like studio? den i'll always record wateva i sing down to imrove in my singin.. correctin the pitchin, the vocal, the tone etc.. wei lai de SUPERSTAR, here i cum!!!

waa.. got a shock man.. jus nw nth beta to do den to wonder abt in frenster.. gosh.. she look gorgous wif the dress for prom nite.. her make up seems weird, but her hair is nice.. upon lookin at her foto, my heart almost stop beatin.. if i haf dis kinda feelin, i cant imagin if i make myself over, wat will others tink n hw will dey react.. i don wana b an indirect murderer.. lolx~

mei zhen called mi jus nw.. waa.. surprisin.. she say she enjoy tokin to mi? i'm the onli 1 tat she can tok so long wif.. but hor, i don leh.. my ear beri pain.. she hor.. tok so loud, den all vugarities fly here n there.. she call mi go chiong wif her.. haiz.. i agreed.. but i will onli go on wed, cuz.. ladies nite ma! free flow!!! wakaka~ she call mi get all pri sch frenz, gather den go lah kopi (haf a drink, sit down n tok).. er.. .. i don lim kopi leh.. can lah teh or if not milo? lolx~

stupid kang.. say yuan look gay durin the prom nite.. scolded him.. my brother in christ is not gay!!! i stood up for yuan, say him until like siao.. den he keep quiet.. at least i noe yuan is a gd brother.. he's fit, he may act gay at times.. but he's not!!! hw dare he.. .. stupid kang!!! humph!! thou he reli reli made mi beri disappointed, but still, i din gave him up.. nw i'm still persistance in askin him back to our cell.. .. hope 1 fine day he will.. ..

beri much i wanted to harden myself, b cold blooded.. but i cant bring myself to.. i dono hw to force myself to gif up on other even thou i got so hurt n disappointed by him or her.. .. i cant.. .. if i don even help dem, den hu will.. i rather i'm the 1 tat suffers, the 1 tat endures all pains n hurts den to see dem so tong ku.. .. arrggh.. ..~

jus nw mei mei ask mi hw i tink of her leh.. wa.. wat a shockin Q to mi.. out of sudden she jus ask mi.. i ans frankly lo.. mei mei is actually beri nice? lolx.. at least to mi la.. she's rel nice.. but hor.. xcept.. her face too black liao la.. .. mei mei cum! i help u put make up to brighten up ur face! like tat den will look more radiant ma.. lolx~ u're not bad kk? don tink too much.. ..

i.. i jus toked to jacky.. abt ni.. i dono if i've made the rite choice by askin him to tell bro valor.. i noe once i let bro valor noe, there goes my frenzship wif ni.. but i rather lose her den to see her in such state.. i noe the onli ppl hu can help her is bro valor n her CG mems.. thus, i made a decision to inform bro valor.. so pain of such decision.. .. ahh!

*cryin without tears*