My love for you sank to the bottom of the ocean..

WEBMISTRESS DISCLAIMER TAGBOARD

Hello creatures! Welcome to my blog! Click the tabs above to explore my blog. Constructive criticisms are highly appreciated. Don't forget to leave a tag!
bold strong italic underline
♥ Visit Esther's facebook! ♥

Photo of the Day

Lost in love..

Wishlist

Here are the items!
~~1) Itouch~~
~~2) Skull Candy~~
3) Fred perry button shirt
~~4) Watch~~
5) Gucci wallet
~~6) Crumpler sling bag~~
7) Skaters Cap
8) Digital Camera
~~9) Clothes~~
~~10)White shoes~~
11)Accessories (tie, bowtie, brouch, vest etc..)

new yr

Written @ 5:08 PM

daddy mummy both gave mi ang bao! guess wat? dey both use CITY HARVEST ang bao pkt!!! haas.. cool..

ytd nite met liang n yang to watch mid nite show.. xiao hai bu ben 2.. wat a nice show.. comedy yet touchin.. i mean.. my precious tears flow much more den the time i watch king kong..

jus nw went to da bo hse.. ate there.. aww.. da bo n da bo nian din gif mi ang bao.. tink dey 4gotten.. hw can tat b.. aww.. aft tat went to gu ma hse.. gosh.. i den realise 1 tin.. gu ma stay near yanglin! haas.. its the 7-eleven tat bus stop! haas.. nxt time see yanglin hm, can go find gu ma! haha.. den eat free meal.. wakaka~ hmm.. kk.. i shall stop tat.. dint pst kong call us not to b a cheap skate?! muhahaX~!!

at nite met liang n yang again.. do i not look like 16? hello..~ i'm 18 oreli! enter pavillion den kana check IC.. dame shit.. more eva i was wearin dame formal lo! blouse n shirt, summore wif make ups.. sick.. 2day i ate alot.. gelare, pasta mania, den ate at da bo hse, den at hm mummy cook shark fin.. bla bla bla.. so full.. gona grow fat soon.. haiz.. was out wif liang n yang but was super duper tu lan.. sux man.. ..

kel got prom? haas.. well.. i knew in my heart roughly wat happened.. but aniwae, as wat bro says.. 'we shall not n mus not jump into conclusion.. nv judge.. ..' fine.. i don judge.. lets see wat happen lor.. .. k.. i hope i'm wrong, but guess i will nv b.. ..

ytd saw sista Jo at TM there, 2day saw sista Ma.. haas.. heng ar.. wasnt smokin wen i met her..

haiz.. gosh.. y m i doin so.. shit.. i'm sori.. ahh.. i made a wrong move.. i shldnt haf done tat.. .. i felt so guilty.. .. dame ar!!!

new yr eve..

Written @ 4:22 PM

new yr eve 2day.. well.. everi1 is on leave n in new yr mood.. while mi n liang, we're still workin.. haiz.. do stock take 2day.. tough.. haiz.. but well, 2day no ppl de.. so slack n fun.. vince is so cute.. saw a diff side of him.. haas.. we ate salad renuion dinner 2gether.. haas.. ate 6 charbroiled chicken salads? so full.. reli leh.. 2day mainly do cleanin onli .. like tat i got ard $50 a day? haas.. easy money.. reli havin lotsa fun wif vince.. all along tot he's not nice.. but.. i'm wrong.. he's reli beri nice.. but too bad.. he's transferin le.. to MS.. i don wan.. in tat case lawson will b restaurant manager.. die le la..i wan vince.. aww.. oh.. he gave mi ang bao! haas.. not frm him.. guess its frm the company de.. haas.. cuz.. vince is not married!! soon soon.. he n suzanna.. LOLX! opps! i leak it out! wakaka!~

haiz.. dismiss at 7 n was rushin home for dinner.. but guess wat.. no renuion dinner.. haiz.. my family cant even sit down 2gether n eat a proper meal.. haiz.. new yr no tuan yuan fan.. sounds absurb.. thx God my honeys called mi out to chilled wif dem.. i went.. we took a crazy ride.. gosh.. my butt pain.. ahh.. ouch~ haas.. n we took pirate ship! my 1st time leh.. haas.. not bad.. haas.. we can sum more take foto in the mid of the air wen the pirate ship goes to the highest point.. lolx.. we took alot of pictures.. 1 of which was rather funi.. haas.. mi n zhen.. KISSIN!! no la.. its onli the angle technic.. haas.. min took for us de.. cool.. cute.. reli enjoy bein wif my honeys.. luv u guys loads loads..

nxt wk gg to haf fun le.. met yanglin for movie.. thou she say its fine wif her, but.. haiz.. i reli tink she doesnt haf the time to.. nvm.. if she cannot make it, den i go watch myself lo.. fri meetin my ah boi, liang, min n zhen.. gg out to chill the entire day.. gg town in the mornin n afternoon.. go play pool, bowl, den shop shop, eat gd de, drink gd de, den at nite go esplanade view nite scenary.. soo romantic.. but hor.. not wif him leh.. oppx! haas.. but i guess it'll b fun on tat day.. haiz.. but min got tins on, she can onli join us ltr at nite.. liang oso leh.. he nid to go sch.. haiz.. no money leh.. yang say he haf.. haas.. he treat? muhaha..

gettin real sick to stay at home.. ppl home sick.. i opp.. i sick of home!!! ahh...!!! God.. help.. save mi.. i nid u.. tins r gettin out of hand.. *sob*

intended to join chorus board ministry.. hmm.. not bad rite..? i'm still tinkin.. haiz.. dono.. i shall pray abt it n ask bro hw he tinks.. he sounded rather shock wen i told him tat i was interested in tat ministry..

oh.. pass 12 le! happi new yr to all!!! haiz.. not a happi yr aniwae.. ..

met yanglin

Written @ 4:19 PM

praise the Lord.. wasnt wif erika 2day.. i was doin cashier.. heng ar.. haiz.. christina nv cum.. =( sad..

met sandy aft work.. haiz.. don wana meet her de.. she wana treat mi for dinner, i don wan her to treat.. den is like.. ez link reli reli no money.. i'm so broke.. haiz.. i 1day onli eat 1 meal? haas.. in CJ lo.. no money ma.. arrggh.. haiz.. can b skinny skinny!! wakaka!!! =.=" kk.. back to sandy.. oh.. she xin qin bu hao.. den is like.. haiz.. in the end haf to meet her..

aft meetin her, i met yanglin.. haiz.. almost ended up quarrelin.. no la.. din.. but miscommunication la.. den make mi travel here n there.. well.. i chose to use the positive attitude.. hmm.. ya.. in the end ok liao lo.. =) accompany her do last min shoppin.. den go eat dinner.. (she eat onli.. i watchin her eat) lolx..~ i was quiet thou.. hmm.. haiz.. nvm.. aft eatin, we walk frm paya lebah there to eunos MRT station!!! gosh.. din noe we've walked so far.. singin while walkin.. walkin while singin.. *smile*.. 'ni hai ai wo ma.. yi zhi hao xiang wen ni zhe ju hua.. ..~' ---> jolin.. 'xiang ku jiu dao wo huai li ku..~' --->halem muhaha..

tml don feel like workin.. aniwae.. vince tot i will go no matter wat.. he don blif i dare to sabo.. fine.. let him taste it man.. haas.. tml i shall not go! vince, nv try mi..~

haiz.. u're still busy wif exams n assignment i guess.. hmm.. its ok.. you r within mi.. =P miss ya.. wan an.. *muackz* *huggz*

mu chun

Written @ 3:59 PM

ytd went to work early, haas.. 2day i was late for ard an hr? haas.. haiz.. as i tot.. i was assigned to dinin.. wif.. ERIKA!!! haiz.. she'd been disappearin aft the lunch crowd.. den weneva i do CP, waa piang eh.. dono wat she do to my CP.. 2 times oso make mi kana scold by lawson.. bua tong liao ar.. in the end, mi, daniel, leslie, n christina go all slack, go smoke.. leave her alone to run CP, dinin n cashier.. we onli cum back ard half an hr later.. lolx~ plz.. tml don let mi haf her again.. waa.. 2day i reli slack until cannot make it ar.. i keep on gg out to smoke.. den sit there till i happi den cum back.. lolx.. den wen into chiller to slp.. cold leh.. tink ard 5'C.. burr~ haas.. *slack slack slack*

haas.. nice tokin n singin session wif lai huat.. .. he poor tin leh.. haiz.. gf broke up wif him.. *sad* we tok for hrs leh.. den he keep on starin at mi, ask for my height, my age bla bla bla.. summore snatch my fone to read mu chun's msg!!! ahhh!!! sori hor.. i'm not available.. wakaka!!! cuz wo ming hua you zu, xin you suo su le!~ muhahaX~ haiz.. poor leslie oso.. his wei hun qi run away wif another guy.. he work so hard, earn so much, pay for all the weddin package, in the end the gf run away.. 5yrs leh.. leslie was soooo upset.. haiz..

i was msgin sandy while workin.. haas.. she's reli concern abt mi.. tml nite she wana meet mi for dinner.. but.. haas.. i don wan.. she's movin soon.. haiz.. gona haf a hard time travellin to sch n church.. poor sandy.. *sayang*

feeln so lousy n bad these few days.. wanted to go bedok res there sit sit, enjoy breeze.. used to b there often, but nw.. so long nv go liao.. haiz.. still rem i fell inside the water.. was bleedin all over cuz of the hidden stones under the water.. she's the one tat help mi up.. haiz.. she help mi stop my blood.. but.. tats all the past.. she's no longer in my life.. neither m i to her.. our code.. '79637'.. .. wat does it symbolises? its SZNER.. shizhen n esther.. .. wen i was tidyin my rm jus nw, i found a card.. a card tat was drawn by mi.. its her name.. i look at it n pause for a moment.. well.. i jus threw it away.. .. i've threw away so many tins.. y r there still memories.. argh.. ..

haiz.. so poor nw.. majiam poverty.. i haf not a single cent wif mi.. everiday eat 1 meal onli, which is in CJ.. hmm.. gd leh.. can slim down.. haas.. haiz.. money money money.. i wan money.. aniwae, nw workin, eat in CJ, time all send in CJ.. no need to spend a single cent.. so.. haiz.. ri zi hai guo de qu.. ..

to u n u alone..: wei wei.. i noe u r busy wif sch works n assginments.. its ok de.. its oso fine wif mi tat u din msg mi.. haas.. don haf to msg mi tellin mi u haf dis hw tat hw, dis project tat project.. hmm.. i don understand? haas.. rest early la.. don everitime overwork.. i noe u r a gd student.. study like tats no tml..but.. take sum rest kk? haiz.. msg mi wen u're free n haf the time ba.. luv u.. miss u.. *huggz*

new yr svc

Written @ 5:05 PM

2day suppose to work at 11.. tot i was workin at 10.. haiz.. stupid stupid go there, den everi1 stare at mi.. =.=" nvm.. clock in early den clock out early lo.. 2day 4 plus den go le.. haas.. was there pesterin leslie to let mi go.. but is like.. i changed le, sittin alone smokin outside CJ.. don feel like meetin mems.. jus wana b quiet, b alone.. ..

left CJ, head for EXPO.. tot i was late.. hu noes.. all of dem r later den mi.. do i look tired? do i look unhappi? do i look as thou i'm filled wif proms? y is everi1 askin mi??? infact.. i'm reli not ok.. proms start stirrin up one aft another.. but i noe, i'm still fine wif God ard.. family proms i can always pray for it.. but currently i've met n encounter wif sumtin tat i cant even pray for.. i'm so vex.. .. vex till the xtend tat i almost retreated frm gg svc.. .. but in the end, i still make my way down.. durin svc, tears jus kept flowin.. like a opened tap.. the touched of God is so tangible.. aft svc, i feel much much beta.. the wound is sumhw healed.. the pain is gone, but of cuz, the bad feelins is still there.. i don share, cuz i don nid consoles.. all is nid is the presence of God, His touch.. i jus yearn so much for an encounter.. everi of church event is actually a chance of encounter wif Him.. if i'm absent for ani, means tat i'll miss a chance of encounterin wif God.. i cant afford to.. ..

he's busy wif sch work.. losta assignment to do.. i noe he's vex as well.. haiz.. jus wana say a word of concern.. but he sumhw don understand.. haiz.. he did apologise la.. but.. he reli sounded harsh.. its ok.. i mean.. i'm try to b understandin.. new yr den get to him ba.. our nick 'You are within me..' luv u.. miss u.. haiz.. ..*huggz* =)

aft so long.. finally can use my fone le.. haas.. aizhen return mi my charger oreli.. yeah! oH.. haas.. mike came to church jus nw.. lolx.. was tellin aizhen.. 'hmm.. can call him pull up his pants..? like wan to drop liao leh..' wakaka..~ n all along i was there singin 'M I C K E Y M O U S E!!!'.. tats for mike.. haas.. mikey? mickey? lolx~ same la.. kk.. back to my fone.. ahh.. the feelin is so great wif my beluved fone wif mi.. hmm.. muacky to my fone!!! *muackz!*

hmm.. thx aunty mau mui.. noein tat i doesnt haf enuf money for my transport fee, she lent mi $20.. i din wan it, but she insist.. haiz.. say call mi return her onli wen i get my pay.. thx aunty mau mui.. *touched*

hmm.. sum1 stood into my life wor..? haas.. wei wei.. wat u guys tinkin? its sandy la! she's reli nice.. hen guan xin wo.. without fail will always gif mi a msg to check out wif i'm ok if she happens to see my face black black or feel tat i'm moody.. well.. my reply will always b 'ya..' .. but, i reli appreciated it alot.. i do correct her wen she do certain tins wrong, but i told her.. we're of the same lvl, i'm not of ani higher 'rank' den her.. she has got all rites to correct mi if i did sumtin wrong as well.. well.. like wat yanglin say.. 'we're not perfect, but we work towards the beta..' yes.. thx sandy.. luv u.. let's grow 2gether n implant ourselves in the kingdom of God! shine for Him ya?! amen..

tml aunty mau mui not workin.. haiz.. plz plz plz.. God.. don gif mi Erika.. she's terrible leh.. always eat snakes.. i mus scream for her n yet she's still no where to b found.. go inside kitchen play.. gosh.. i was like 'where's my cashier?!! Erika!! can u plz stanby?! don run abt!!!'.. dono scream hw many times before she's willin to cum out.. n she's tat kind of ppl tat walk pass the tray (those customers ate finish) n dono hw to throw the rubbish away n keep the tray back de.. sick leh.. she'll jus walk pass it.. thx God i m the senior, i haf all rights to scolld her.. haas.. but i don scold la.. i so feminine, so soft.. haiz.. always scream for her will spoil my image de leh.. ahh.. ERIKA!!! plz la.. don let mi tag team wif her can le.. i rather do cashier den call mi do dinin wif her.. Kate is diff.. i luv n enjoyed workin wif Kate.. she's hardworkin n humble.. haas.. opps.. kate ar.. if u read dis, don tell erika tat i tok bad abt her kk? lolx.. but serious la.. tok to her can? she reli abit simply far too lazy.. haiz.. see u tml ba.. infact i see u everiday.. haas..

2day sermon abt acceptin/acceptance.. can u guys accept mi le ma.. ..? .. ..*sob*

its jus a decision

Written @ 1:36 PM

its jus a decision.. y m i fallin deeper even noein the conquences.. .. i luv u.. .. but.. i haf no say for anitin.. its all God's will.. ..

~*+Esther <3 Reiji+*~

y will ppl choose to backslide? cuz at the veri beginin, there'r oreli cracks in their heart, there'r unresolve proms, n all these leads to the action of driftin away frm God.. its an accumulation.. .. do sumtin abt it b4 its too late.. .. yes u! is u! ya!!! callin u!!! esther leong!!! do sumtin abt it!!!

hurt

Written @ 3:49 PM

jus feel like bloggin again.. .. haiz.. its my wrong decisison to stay at home 2day.. din intend to.. but i haf no money, not even a single cent in my ez link.. i was TRAPPED at home.. argh.. feelin so lousy nw!!!

i don intend to leave God.. but neither do i wan to leave him.. ahh.. we're not 2gether.. we're jus ani n everitin xcept couple.. HELP ARRR!!!!

dinner at marina south

Written @ 5:27 AM

ytd sermon was cool.. indeed.. i've realised the power of CONFESSION!!! still rem the shirt tat i got as a prize durin the appreciation cg? haas.. raine pass it to mi ytd le.. wen i got home, i took out the shirt, lookin at it n begin wif 'i can wear it i can wear it i can wear it.. ..' LOLX!!! waaa!!! aft which i try it on.. wakaka!!! it fits nicely!!! yeah.. power of confession~ i mus confession everiday le.. 'i m pretty i m pretty i m pretty'.. muhahaX!!! (learn frm yanglin de)

had CG b4 svc.. i yawned a few times.. er.. hw can i stop yawnin durin praise n worship? haas.. dono leh.. each time durin worship especially, i will yawn n yawn.. i'm not tired, but dono y leh.. haas.. nvm.. i shall force my mouth to close.. YAWN NO MORE!!!

haiz.. aft CG.. dono wat happen to yanglin leh.. she din wan to join us in fellowshipin, n sum more walk till beri fast.. bro toked to her, but nth seems to enter her ears.. so bro call mi to catch up wif her.. i caught her up.. but is like.. she flare mi off.. ..? 'stop follwin mi!!! go back!!!'.. den again, she touched on my smokin tingy.. i mean.. i don mind she flare.. but the min she scold abt the smokin tingy, tats wen i mind.. aft all, she's still beri jie yi.. hw much i wanted to turn my back to her n leave.. but.. i remed wat she eva taught mi 'ones presence will always make a diff.. the other party nid not nid to tok, bein by the side helps..' i'm applyin the tins she taught mi, as well as all of the tins tat i had mention in my previous entry.. understand, forgivin, cherishin etc.. she's reli a true frenz to mi.. the survey we've made ytd.. :does she make mi beta person? does she make mi serve God more? is our converstation editfyin n faith buildin? is ur tinkin stretch n challenged?.. all my ans abv towards her r 'YES'.. i'm not perfect, she's not perfect either.. but both of us r workin for the beta.. nv gif up.. if we do, we will not reach thus far.. we will not b hu we r 2day.. lin, don eva let mi go zui ni again hor.. thou i noe u doesnt like mi to follow, but rem the msg i send u? 'u may not see mi, cuz i'm always behide u.. supportin u weneva u r low..' .. .. i hope my presence created a diff.. ..

15mins b4 the svc, sandy was cryin.. thx God i manage to stop her frm cryin.. haas.. was tokin to her.. hmm.. she's willin to listen, n tat make my job easier in consolin her.. 'at dis end, u may b provoked, n may b facin proms.. but at the other end, there'll always b sum1 hu is willin to care for u n concern u..' yeah.. hope she got wat i mean.. cheer up sandy! esther da jie is here!!! aft all, she'd been beri enouragin to mi as well.. *smile*

aft svc we had our reniuon dinner!!! E376 1st dinner 2gether!!! wakaka~ went to marina south to eat steamboat.. fun fun fun! all of us enjoyed soo much~ aft eatin, mi, liang, zhiyang n ze wento into arcade n haf datona race!!! lolx.. waa.. 3 of us r of the same lvl, quite expert liao, din noe ze oso so gd at it!!! lolx.. but hor.. he play cheat de.. he like to knock ppl's car.. wakaka!~

hmm.. new yr svc i shld wear sumtin new.. haas.. yeah.. wat shld i wear leh? kee.. dono.. normal, but new.. haas.. nth surprise de la.. wakaka.. sianz.. tml workin le.. ahh.. ARGH!!! i haben get my pay!!! no money le.. aww.. .. money money money~ .. ..~

sharin n givin..

Written @ 4:24 PM

i've nv noe the importance of sharin n givin, till sum1 gave mi wat i yearin n wanted.. she herself luv it too, but she's willin to haf mi tat.. n she told mi 'its all abt sharin n givin..' yes.. i den realised hw impt it was.. aizhen lost her fone.. thou my hp is my 1 n onli bao bei n i'm rather reluctant to gif it out, but.. i'm willin to haf her tat.. cuz i noe, my sacrifise will bring upon others' lite.. she's reli in nid of a fone.. well.. we mus b like Jesus isnt it? jus like wen we desire for sumtin, God answered our prayer n granted us wif wat we wan.. we're delighted.. yup.. i mus do the same as well.. 'honey.. take gd care of my bao bei kk?' =)

once again i say.. 'forgivin is the most vital tin tat ones can eva achieve.. forgive those tat had hurt u.. u'll nv noe.. ur forgiveness may means alot to those tat repented..' .. meditate on it plz.. its reli impt..

lin: 'bein visible isnt always a requirement for bein close.. its jus takes sum totfulness n concern to keep the bond..' yup.. true enuf.. true frenz r in the mind n in the heart of another parties.. it's nv abt hw much u've done comparin to others.. its all abt hw much u haf done comparin to hw much u cld haf done.. don understand? den again.. meditate on it.. nv always touch on abt hw much u gave in, but hw much u cld b a beta frenz in understandin those tat u hold dearest.. the equation -----> understandin + forgivin + sharin + concernin = unbreakable frenship

there'll nv b an endin in the frenship if u doesnt wan it to happen.. blurr? tink abt it den.. gd frenz doesnt cum by easily.. cherish n treasure.. words means nth but action does..

thx for bein the one tat stood wif mi n for mi thru all my ups n downs, thick n thin, happi n sorrows.. --yanglin
thx for bein those tat brought happiness into my life n bein buddy for life.. --kimliang n zhiyang
thx for all the paitients, luv, care n concern.. --bro
thx for all my honeys for bein frenz wif mi for yrs.. --jiemin, wenting n aizhen
thx for bein the one tat taught mi abt sharin n givin.. thx for ur posters.. --winnie

shoppin day!

Written @ 2:33 PM

i was excused frm work 2day.. wif no medical cert, but vince jus call mi rest at home? lolx.. i was coughin non stop ytd, cough till i vomited.. till vince n lawson cannot tarhan, den call mi go home rest aft 3 short hrs of workin.. haas.. den is like.. wen i msg vince if he nid mi there 2day (i was actually on shift), he say no nid, call mi rest well.. haas.. vince is tat nice? he always claim himself beri nice de la.. lolx~ since no nid go work, den go out wif mummy n.. him lo.. ..

mummy say dis yr i 'fan tai shui'.. dono la.. is like.. she wanted to go temple to help mi bai bai.. gosh.. i was tellin myself 'NO!!! i'll nv step into the temple.. nv.. nooo...' haas.. praise the Lord! mummy was tat understandin enuf to say 'haiz.. u "AMEN" de la.. for sure wun wan to go in.. nvm.. u stay outside wait for mi ba..' lolx! keke.. yeah~ i reli stood outside lo.. muhahaX~

went to bugis, chinatown, rivervale mall, heartland mall, bla bla bla.. bought new blouse, skirt, undergarment n wallet!!! haas.. haiz.. actually jus nw saw a pair of flip flop, beri nice leh.. but hor.. last pair, can wear is can wear, but the flip flop abit.. er.. dono hw to say la.. in the end mummy say don buy, call mi look ard 1st b4 decide on which 1 to buy.. but is like.. shop aft shop, i've yet to find another pair tat i like..

haiz.. i told mummy i got alot of tins wana buy.. i wan buy cap, beach shorts, bla bla bla.. without fail, mummy will always say 'iya.. buy lor..'.. haas.. she willin to pay for all tat, but wen i say i wana go rebond n hight light hair, her 'radio' starts.. wakaka~ fine.. i shall cut it out.. ..

2day is tue, Gelare 50% off.. den is like.. wanted to bring mummy go eat waffle ice cream.. hu noes.. tat stupid person doesnt wan.. den in the end mummy say nxt time den go.. >=( the 'nxt time' will nv cum.. ..

tat day went to mini toons to buy stickers for my hp.. haas.. wana paste for ah yang, he doesnt wan.. wana paste for liang, he oso don wan.. fine lo.. i paste for mummy! haas.. nw mummy fone nice nice le.. keke~ the fone of ARTS.. cool~

eh.. din noe tat smoke aft meal isnt gd.. lolx.. wats the diff? dono.. ah yang say not gd.. dono wat he tokin la.. haas.. liang oso like tat say.. but is like.. smokin is oreli not gd, wat diff does it make to smoke aft meal or before meal? lolx!~

stupid kel.. reli reli reli cannot stand him animore!!! abt the watch incident, abt zhen's incident, den ytd, he himself volunteered to meet us (playin pool), den he play play play, din even wan to pay.. fine.. mi n yang pay.. den he say he wana go home bath, aft tat cum n meet us again, call us wait for him.. fook man.. wait wait wait.. frm 7 plaus wait till 10 plus n he din show up!!! call, don wana ans.. msg, don wana reply.. go die la!!!

i realised sumtin.. mi n liang, we're driftin further n further away frm Him.. yang too.. but i can say, yang had nv been near.. .. all of us r tryin.. i guess? .. i dono.. ..

i don feel too well.. feel terrible.. i'm gettin weaker n weaker.. tends to easily b sick.. arrggh.. hen xin ku ar!!!

sigh~

Written @ 4:18 PM

lotsa tins happened.. but.. set the foundation rite!!! no wind nor rain, thunder nor storm shall blow mi away..! aft all, God will nv gif mi anitin tat i'm not able to handle.. nth is too tough for mi.. cuz.. i can do all tins thru CHRIST hu strengthens mi!!!

haiz.. burised n injuries all over.. not onli physically, but oso mentally n emotionally.. but not spiritually wor!haas.. actually beri pain leh.. i was still action strong.. haas.. my middle finger.. swollen liao.. *pain pain* den toe bleed.. still haben help my toe wear shirt.. (put plaster).. nvm..!!! God will heal dem all!!! ya weee!!!

went for tabernacle bible seminar dis mornin.. cool.. it had been ages tat i've last step into jurong premises.. hmm.. but wen i went into the church, er.. it doesnt gave mi those long lost feelins.. lolx~

haiz.. sandy ah sandy.. call mi go shoppin wif her.. den in the end last min say don wana go le.. haas.. i was like.. 'er..' haas.. hey hey! nono! u guys sure tink i'll b angry rite?! lolx.. i'm not leh..! nah.. she's reli tired.. its oso beta for her to go home n take her rest.. poor sandy.. onli manage to catch 1 hr plus of slp last nite.. nxt time don msg her le.. din noe she nv slp well.. haiz..

ahh.. no more cigg!!! hw hw hw?!?! i'm dyin le.. 1 day without cigg.. arrgghh.. .. nvm.. tml workin.. will haf liao!!! my ah boy ar.. haiz.. thou u wun b readin, but i wana tell u tat i reli noe u care.. not even my bf had say such mushy tins to mi.. haas.. yup.. hmm.. i'm a tough crackin nut ya? i noe u r upset.. but.. haiz.. don push mi so far can..? don make all tins turn sour hao ma? mummy luvs u.. n i noe u do as well.. .. *sigh*

aniwae.. jus wana thx all my mems for bein there for mi.. thx for all ur concern.. sandy, raine, liang, yang, yanglin, mei mei, wenting, n most imptly, bro.. yup.. u guys r always my pillar of strength.. my motivations.. everi of the mem is playin an impt role in my life.. everi of u r a small psc of puzzle.. wen joined n gathered, u guys pictured my life.. millions n thousands thx to u guys.. ..

jean, thx for ur msg.. hmm.. motivatin..xie xie wor.. jeanie the garfield.. lolx.. (she self proclaim de).. haas..

haiz.. tml mornin still nida work.. y mus i so hard workin out of sudden? haas.. dono leh.. haas.. workin there time pass beri fast.. enjoyed workin in CJ.. but plz.. don let mi work LAWSON SHIFT!!! arrggh.. beri scare of him.. nitemare cumin le.. haiz.. dis cumin wk.. i'm in the same shift as LAWSON!!! everitime scream for mi.. 'ESTHER! ESTHER!! ESTHER!!! !!!' =.=" i'll reli apprecite it if 1 day he cum, n don call my name..

haiz.. hao ba.. i shall end here.. late le.. nida go orh orh liao.. *yawnz*

my best buddies.. yang n liang..

Written @ 5:27 PM

my best buddies.. zhi yang n ah liang! cool.. we're wif 1 another almost everiday? haas.. i luv the both of dem.. we slack 2gether, haf fun 2gether, drink 2gether, shoppin 2gether, n fold stars 2gether! haas.. so nice.. life is nv abt sorrows but happiness.. onli wif the 2 of dem, i'm able to noe wat's the true defination of happiness is..

financially, we're supportin 1 another.. whoeva hu has money, den tat person shall fork out for the other 2 as well? haas.. we always do tat.. not geh gao abt money wif one another.. lolx..

haiz.. dono wat bro told zhiyang.. call him motivate mi to quit smokin? den zhiyang suddenly tok till so strict n firm.. ended up i din even wan to reply his msg.. but in the end he wrote 'so sorry.. durin quiet time, i realised i neglected ur feelins n did not understand u. i was impatient. but i hope u noe tat i was concerned abt u. x reply.' gosh~ i was touched.. reli touched.. but.. hw cum he sounded more n more like yanglin?? his 'x reply'.. tat 'x'.. onli yanglin raine will use it! ahh.. n the way he tok.. wan dan le.. totally like yanglin.. thou i don like the way dey put it, its rather pressurizin for mi.. well.. aft all.. i'm like wat zhiyang said- a tough crackin nut..

tot i've reduced.. but instead of reducin, i've realised tat tin goes opp way.. i smoke more den 6 cigg a day.. i've tried, but.. it was far too tough.. ahh.. i can go without cigg for a day, but the nxt day i will eventually smoke more den wat i usually do.. so.. .. no diff?? haiz..

i enjoy workin in CJ more n more n more n more.. ppl there r reli nice.. xcept for tat LAWSON CHAN! stupid uncle FATTY!!! everiday without fail will b screamin for mi.. =.=" guess i'll reli stay in CJ for a period of time ba.. i'm reli happi workin there.. i've been workin everiday.. so tired.. lack of slp.. i work mornin shift n i haf to wake up 9 plus in the mornin in order t reach CJ on time for work.. but.. haiz.. i failed.. i'm always late.. reli cannot make it leh.. cant wake up no matter hw many alarm clock i set.. .. too bad.. dey jus wanted mi!lolx..~ i'm reli tired.. haiz.. kk.. i shall stop here.. go orh orh liao.. .. zZz...~

nth to say? no.. i do haf sumtin to say..

Written @ 5:50 PM

i got nth to say.. .. nah.. no.. i do haf tins to say.. infact ALOT of tins.. but mins ago, i den realise tat there's no means to blog.. cuz.. its useless tokin to myself n lettin others noe my proms.. i onli wan God to understand mi.. .. i onli wan Him to hear mi out.. therefore i will spend more time on QT den on bloggin frm 2day onwards.. ya..

went out wif liang..

Written @ 5:32 PM

went ourt wif liang 2day.. 1st went to boonlay.. he got a sudden crave for rice buger, so we went to mos burger.. introduced him kakiage rice buger.. hmm~ so nice.. haas.. so tasty..~ aft eatin went to meet yanglin.. she's servin 2day.. she say she bought sumtin for mi.. hmm.. a bu dao wong!!! so cute.. but there're more behind it leh.. a moral? teachin mi to b like bu dao wong, stand on my feet again even if i fall.. nv say die.. =) thx..

wen to city hall to buy xin li's present wif liang.. hmm.. bought a roxy wallet for her.. den aft tat we walk walk walk, i saw the watch tat i wanted to buy for long!!! its actually $30, but nw onli $18!!! haiz.. don intend to buy thou i reli luv it loads.. ahh!!! liang buy for mi!!! muackz~! thx liang!!!

den wen to walk ard in suntec.. haas.. jus nice.. saw aizhen!!! she's workin.. woo.. mi n liang both bought a pair of slipper.. actually cost $20.. but.. aizhen's in-charge say to charge us at $10 each! ahhh!!! tan tio!!! haas.. thx to aizhen..

met kel n his mom for dinner over terra cafe.. hmm.. certain tins i reli cannot stand kel.. i'm truely unhappi.. but.. forget it.. hw much i luv my neighbour, determine on hw much i luv myself.. haiz..

aft all, 2day i had quite an enjoyable trip.. but..'dear' is not happi.. hmm.. he msg mi wen i was outside.. haiz.. *huggz*

aft such a long time, ni still doesnt wan to reply mi.. but.. its ok.. frm her nick, i noe she still luv God.. n i trusted bro tat she'll for sure return one day.. thou its hurtin, but i no longer dwell n linger on it.. God noes wat to do.. perhaps God doesnt wan mi to interfere? haas.. i shall not b nosy den.. lolx~

had BS last sat.. goto noe the imptance of havin QT.. yes.. i will tok to no1 abt my prom, excpet u Lord.. onli u can resolve it, onli u can understand it.. n u r the onli 1 tat can heal my broken n wounded heart.. hu m i to myself or to others doesnt matters animore.. but hu m i to u r the most impt.. i don see little of myself for i noe u had great plans for mi ahead.. Lord, u r my 'bf'! nono.. i luv u more den my bf even! lolx~ Lord, don pai seh kk? i noe u do.. kee..~ muackz~! i luv u! (i nv even tell my bf i luv him leh)

sermon

Written @ 2:38 PM

wat a 'fillin' sermon for mi.. i was greatly impacted..

-Nv hide nor run away frm proms but deal wif it.. (xpecially urself) nv tink tat it will 'disappear' by itself as it will nv eva happens.. face the fact for truth will set us free..

-We always haf to please others.. but if pleasin others displease God, den we've to displease others instead.. for God is always our 1st priority.. nv let others control us..

-Havin changes in us is tough, but wat is worse is to remain UNCHANGE.. ..

-Feelin ashame of ur wrong doin is nv the same as feelin ashame of urself.. prom always lies in the inner of ur heart, not on ur actions..

-God nid to prepare us for the tins he had prepared for us.. learn to like the good tins in u n lift all ur weaks to God, He'll make full use of it.. He'll guide u n gif u a way.. stop doin tins tat u r not good at but find out wat u're good at n work on it.. He choose us for a purpose even if He noe we will make sum mistakes.. He noes it even b4 we do it..

-B drunk wif love.. the power of life is not at the BIG tins u do, but is of all little tins u've done.. don b of little of wat u do, luv where u're at..

-don ask for too much.. its ok to gif it a miss cuz certain tins, God doesnt even intend to haf it for u..

-It's impt to LISTEN.. u'll nv noe wat u can do towards others' prom upon hearin.. u might change sum1 elses' life..

tryin to b on my own nw.. hmm.. not say on my own.. i still nid God, i still nid bro, i still nid my mems by my side.. but i've learnt not to rely on others.. i've learnt not to tok too much oso.. aniwae.. dono y nw i tok so much.. haiz.. mus b like in the past ma.. prefer my 1st mth in church.. haas.. kept quiet thru out.. i mean.. nw i don feel like tokin so much le.. tok wen necessary beta.. ppl wun find mi 'fan'..

well.. aft all.. we r who we r.. we got wat we've got.. b contented!!! luv ourselves n luv our life!!! there's onli 1 life.. live it to the max.. ppl r always unhappi bcuz all dey cld tink of is to make demselves happi.. haiz.. wat we r weak of, wat we r afraid of, God will use us more on tat point.. haas.. leave all up to God den.. amen!

job..

Written @ 12:36 PM

change here change there.. searchin high n low, its jus a job.. isnt it.. ..? haiz.. y sum ppl enjoyed workin while sum felt so pressured n stressed.. .. i don understand.. ..

i was late for work 2day.. late for ard 2 hrs? haas.. vince din scold at all but jus call mi go down asap as he's dyin! haas.. too busy liao.. lolx..~ din intend to go at all.. sianz.. so tired.. .. but.. money leh.. haas.. money money here i cum~

aft work i took cab down to bedok.. tot i was runnin late in meetin yanglin.. aft tat den i got to noe tat she will onli b dismiss at 7.. .. =.=" went to haf a drink wif aunty chris, lynn n ann.. tokin n chit chattin away while waitin for yanglin.. hu noes.. aft she dismiss.. ze jus nice called.. she din even wait for mi to tok finish den go le.. hw i feel ar? angry? haas.. no la.. not like last time le.. anger cld b control de.. nvm la.. haas.. i go walk ard my own lo.. haas.. aniwae, i din inform her tat i'll b meetin her at the 1st place ma.. so.. its ok lo.. ..~

sori my 'dear'.. lolx.. promised to meet u for dinner but i cldnt make it.. dare not tell u tat i go meet yanglin tats y i don wana haf dinner wif u.. but is like.. haiz.. if i noe she will walk off, i wld haf meet u instead.. .. sori.. u've been askin for wks n i reli cant fork out ani time for u.. reli sori.. .. yuan liang wo hao ma? i noe u will.. lolx~

hey 'dear'! don eva go back to ur sec sch again!!! hw can!!! 1 gal ask for ur name, the other ask for ur num.. hw dare the 2 gals..!!! don gif kk?!! i will get angry de!!! haas.. thx God u din gif.. if not i slaughter u ar~ haiz.. call u send mi ur foto u don wan.. no choice.. mus CATCH u n take foto wif u nxt time.. make sure u cannot run.. wakaka!~ sori leh.. recently keep on quarralin wif u.. but hor.. u deserve scoldin de leh!!! lolx..~ kk la.. dui bu qi.. ke yi le ma? haas.. *muacky huggy*

'Jesus is the ans, for the world 2day.. abv Him there's no other, Jesus os the way..
Jesus is the ans, for the world 2day.. abv Him there's no other Jesus is the way..'

chilled~

Written @ 3:26 PM

was rottin at home actually wen jas called.. lolx.. she got a job in 'terra cafe' n wanted mi over to support her.. i got bro n zhiyang along wif mi.. hmm.. the food was rather nice.. ambience was gd too.. =)

aft tat bro wanted to eat in delifance.. hmm.. the potato gartin was fantastic.. sittin there fellowshippin n tokin.. hmm.. .. chilled.. ..

oh! got a new fone 2day.. haas.. gave my 2 fone to mummy, den she bought a new 1 for mi.. its at quite a cheap price.. but hittin 300 la.. lolx.. cheap liao leh.. tat fone originally cost abt 300 plus to 400? haas.. i luv dis fone beri beri much.. guess i wun change it tat fast..

haiz.. went to play pool wif ah yang.. gosh.. while playin, i fell down.. cant imagine ppl will fall wen playin pool rite? lolx.. he help mi up, tap tap my head n ask 'u ok anot?' haas.. so touched.. thou hand pain, leg pain, butt pain, but still i'm touched by him.. ..

gona quit smokin le.. thou i noe i cant do without it.. .. but wif God, i noe i'm able to.. i'll do it for His sake! no matter hw tough it can b, i will try.. fail..? den try harder the nxt time.. till i succeed.. .. yup.. .. jia you! i can do it!

haiz.. keep havin tiff wif him dis few days.. but we both seems to haf forgotten wat had happen the nxt day.. haas.. msg him, everitime don wana reply.. fine lo.. den i learn frm him.. don reply.. lolx.. nw he everiday oso msg mi.. wakaka.. happi den i reply.. not happi den don reply.. lolx..! at times, tokin to him can get quit sad de.. haiz.. dono.. but sumtin i noe.. we wun b 2gether.. even if we do, accoundability counts.. i'll tell bro de.. but currently i'm tryin to keep to my commitment.. yup.. tink of nth but concentrade in my doin.. buck up in my spiritual life!!!

gosh.. mummy saw mi n ah yang foto.. she tot he's my bf! lolx.. den i say.. 'nor! he's my son tat i always mention!' haas.. do we look like couple? no leh.. y so many ppl mistook? haas.. his mom mistook.. his granda mistook.. band mems mistook.. nw my mummy oso mistook.. arrgghh.. he is my SON!!!

tml goto work.. haiz.. sianz sianz.. changin job soon le! gg to sell handphones!!! waa.. ppl wana hire mi for my talent, my understandin of handphones.. cool.. n if i reli work there, i can get ani fone i wan at cost price but not sellin price.. hmm.. shiok sia.. but CJ hw leh? haiz.. dono leh.. see 1st ba.. lolx..

'i luv u i luv u i luv u.. i luv u i luv u i luv u.. i luv u i luv u i luv u.. n my heart will follow wholly aft u.. ..'

2nd day of new yr.. ..

Written @ 5:11 PM

went to ubin wif kun, mong n liang.. havin lotsa fun.. ridin the bike ard simply used up all my energy.. go up hill, den down hill.. up hill again, den down hill again.. .. but again.. the scenary was fabulous! nice nice nice.. but.. happi mosqitoes.. got free 'food'.. we got stung quite badly.. aft all, its an xperience gained.. ..

rush off immediately upon receivin wenting's call.. .. sumtin happened again.. yup.. set my heart at ease as jac was wif her.. but nevetheless, i still rushed over.. .. we prayed for her.. aft tat liang n i send her home..

return home, leave my bag n off i go again.. yanglin wanted her shoes back.. she left it in my bag.. haiz.. goto send it to her.. ..

finally brought up my courage to tok to bro le.. .. told him everitin.. his reply make mi feel remorseful.. no.. he said in a beri nice manner.. tats wat make mi felt bad.. .. bro.. thx.. i simply luv u as my leader.. ..

2006

Written @ 5:45 AM

it had been quite a long while since i've last lay my hands on dis keyboard.. haiz.. life r gettin busier n busier.. .. started workin le.. so guess i wldnt haf much time usin com.. ..

2005 haf finally gone le.. it wasnt reli a gd yr for mi.. lotsa tins happened.. but well, as wat bro said, aft all 2005 had gone, lets jus pray tat 2006 will b a beta yr! a new yr, a new beginin..!

ytd we had our appreciation cell grp.. lolx.. so surprised.. i was so 'appreciated'.. so er.. did i do much? no leh.. *scratch head* but aniwae, i got a SnK shirt n a cute monkey heart shape huggable pillow! keke.. ohoh!!! still got 2 wonderful, nice designed n painted certificate done by jas n yanglin! *clap clap* but of cuz.. wif bro's signature added on it, it seems near to perfect..

ytd was the veri 1st time tat aizhen attended cell grp.. lolx.. she enjoyed it so much.. hw i noe? cuz the way she share wif jie min, she seems so 'high'.. lolx! ya.. aizhen, i'm reli gladful tat u've choose to b back wif Christ.. plant urself well in the hse of God.. i'm always ard for u, for all ur questions, all ur doubt.. but if i dono hw to ans sum of ur questions hor.. hmm.. ask bro kk? wakaka~ u've jus joined us.. wenting n i r ur 'guardian angel'.. but let mi tell u.. u r oso playin a part in my spiritual life.. its u tat i take a huge step forth n got my fire burnin strong.. cuz i always belif in showin gd xamples.. i shall, n i will always.. .. yup..

my secret.. hw long more can i hide.. hw long more can i keep it frm others.. .. cant help it but i'm jus far into it.. .. liang, thx for keepin dis secret for mi.. it makes u rather unaccoundable, but still, u do it for the sake of a fren.. thx so much.. .. jie min cried upon noein.. min, i'm sori.. din noe u'll get so upset.. dui bu qi..

joanne said sumtin.. 'i concern abt u.. far beyond wat u noe.. but i cant.. cuz for sure i'll always ended up disappointin.. ..' her words pierce rite thru my heart.. its ok.. i understand y she tink tat way.. if it was yanglin, i guess she'll say the same tin as well.. ..

ytd's sermon impacted mi alot.. .. the sermon was like.. meant for mi? haas.. hmm..

wen count down wif min, liang, my ah boy n steve.. haaas.. sat on the roadside near esplanade n watch fire works.. so nice.. ..

i've finally learnt hw to control my anger.. not alot.. but bit by bit.. always tryin my best to place myself in others' shoes.. ya.. i'll b slow to angry den.. i've learnt to b there for others as well.. tats y i got 'bestfrens award' ma! opps.. bro say mus b humble.. lolx~ no la.. i was rather surprise tat i got tat award.. to my amazed man.. heart almost stop pumpin upon hearin my name.. best frenz? nah.. i'm not.. n i've nv been one.. so guess dey made a mistake le ba.. ..

i'm gettin stronger n stronger.. wen tins r beyond my control, den.. leave it to God! He'll noe wat to do.. n wen i'm sad, i noe He'll b there.. no1 else, but He will always b the 1 healin my broken heart, my wounded spirit.. wen tins i pray for n desire for din cum to pass, i don blame Him, but noein tat its jus yet the time.. i always haf the tendency to slide back.. but no! i shall always rem the 1st luv.. its so vivid, so real, so true.. i can nv let y fire dies off again.. the feelin is so emtpy, so hollow without God.. i don wish to haf tat feelins again..

its Him tat renewed mi! Lord, i luv u!!!

gg bladin ltr.. haiz.. sure nid to catch ppl ltr de.. wakaka~