My love for you sank to the bottom of the ocean..

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Lost in love..

Wishlist

Here are the items!
~~1) Itouch~~
~~2) Skull Candy~~
3) Fred perry button shirt
~~4) Watch~~
5) Gucci wallet
~~6) Crumpler sling bag~~
7) Skaters Cap
8) Digital Camera
~~9) Clothes~~
~~10)White shoes~~
11)Accessories (tie, bowtie, brouch, vest etc..)

agony

Written @ 2:06 PM

din noe tat mummy off 2day.. if i noe, i wldnt b stayin at hm..

met honey at 11 plus to haf lunch 2gether.. aft tat went hm to slp.. 1st, mummy came into my rm, makin alot of noise, dono wat she doin.. the 2nd time she came in, she make a din.. screamin n yellin at me.. wakin mi up.. jus don wan mi to slp so long.. i everitime do hw till beri late, so nan de 2day not schlin, jiu slp longer.. den there she was, scoldin n scoldin.. i sit up, 'kor kor oso everitime slp whole day! y u din say anitin?!!!' she was like.. 'kor kor? kor kor studyin in poly, kor kor noe hw to earn money.. u leh?! poly oso cannot go in!!!'

her words pierce thru my heart.. rite thru n into it.. yes.. so wat if i'm stupid.. so wat if i cannot make it in studies.. so wat n so wat.. y mus parents b so bias.. dey din noe hw bad my bro were.. if i were to tell dem , i guess dey're gg to shock to death..

y do i haf such parents.. i so envy bro, can go out wif his mummy, eat n shop 2gether.. so envy yanglin.. her mum dote her so much, dey're jus so close.. so envy darius, frenz-like wif his dad.. mi? demoralisin parents.. i msg bro n told him tat i wanted to withdraw frm chec.. bro called immediately.. cant help but i cried over the other end of the line.. bro tok it out to mi.. i don deny, i reli do nid bro.. .. so down so down.. feelins urge mi to head for boat quey.. wanted to ask yanglin along.. but as usual n expected, she cldnt make it.. ..

i rejected darius call 2day.. he bombed my fone.. no choice but i told bro to stop him frm callin.. i'm reli down, reli vex.. i noe he's jus concern n worry abt mi.. niwae, he's reli understandin.. thx for tat dear.. =)

nw tokin to eunice.. i felt much more beta.. she's reli a beri gd frenz.. cant imagine my life without her in chec.. reli thx God for her.. wif her, i shall move on den..

haiz.. cried the entire day.. so tired.. ..

luv darius

Written @ 5:25 PM

bro's bdae 2day.. hapi bdae bro!

went pub ytd.. lolx.. drank vodka? nah.. there the voda not nice de leh.. den sing songs.. there not like kbox nor ktv like tat.. is like.. u sing, everi1 can listen, can see u de.. haas.. i sang quite a num of songs.. hmm.. awful? haas.. hu cares.. go there enjoy onli ma.. lolx..

met liang for lunch n went for svc 2gether.. er.. shh.. i dozed off durin the mid of the sermon!!! i'm reli beri tired.. aft svc, we went to city hall to fellowship.. dear came joined us in yoshinoya.. hmm.. bro likes him alot.. lolx.. but is like.. he tok to bro like tok to frenz like tat.. no mind.. currently till nw no1 in our cell does tat.. but.. er.. he did la.. *pai seh* niwae, let mi cut short.. bro enjoyed havin him as his nu xu.. lolx..

my classmates encourage mi to quit smokin.. hmm.. i go without cigg for 1 day.. aft which, dey stop callin mi to quit le.. i seems reli like a drug addict, wif runnin nose n pufffy eyes.. its reli terrible.. onli eunice.. eunice look into m eyes n say 'i rather seein u rubbin ur nose everiday den u cont smokin.. ..'.. 2day i tried to go without cigg again.. liang was like lookin at mi.. reli beri xin ku.. i had no choice, but to go buy a box.. the min i finish 1 stick, i was energetic.. mucus stop flowin le.. haiz.. can ani1 help.. ..? argh.. ..~

i reli luv darius alot.. wen i say alot, it reli means alot.. still rem the 1st time he woo mi, i was like tellin him i don like him.. lolx.. den subsequenly was still rejectin him again n again.. but nw, i fell so deep for him.. simply cant live without him.. i tried to b a gd gf, havin him the best treatment tat i can eva haf for my guy.. i shall jus pray tat everitin go smoothly ba.. =) if he's the one, he's the one.. luv him always.. *smoouch*

sad

Written @ 5:11 PM

2day i was rather upset.. i m stupid.. so stupid.. simple chem tingy i oso dono.. the whole class took chem b4, onli mi.. i din.. previously my combination was bio/phy.. i almost ans everitin wrongly in a class quiz.. everitin teaher teach, i don understand at all.. i ask n ask.. but i still don understand.. frenzs ard mi tried to teach mi as well.. but i jus cldnt absorb.. wen teacher gif a simple worksheet for us to do, i stare blankly at the paper.. .. wen the entire class completed, i was jus attemptin the 1st few Qs.. teacher gave dem a break, all of dem went out of the class.. but i was still there.. strugglin wif my work.. ms sally was like 'esther, faster! y r u so slow? the whole class hand up oreli!'.. i do n do, tryin my best to work the equations out, but i reli haf no idea hw.. there she was again 'esther, faster!'.. i was so sad.. y m i so slow? y cldnt i understand anitin? all sorts of Qs came abt in my mind.. wen i was abt to cry, eunice came back frm her break early.. she was like askin mi 'hey! hw cum u din go for break?' i ans 'i cldnt finish.. ..' she came n stood beside mi.. askin mi wat i don understand.. she bein to teach mi.. aft a few Qs, i still don understand wat she teachin.. but she said to mi.. 'its ok! slowly ya? cum! lets try another Q!'.. there ms sally, gg 'faster esther!' again.. eunice said to ignore ms sally but do it at my own pace.. yes.. she did it.. she teach n teach.. 1 Q aft another.. i finally understood.. thx eunice..

i'm slow.. reli slow.. stupid.. so stupid.. plz gif mi more time to absord the lesson.. i'm not like other students.. i'm not tat fast.. sob..~

bdae

Written @ 2:35 PM

lolx..!!! dis is the piglet tat dear gave mi!!! =)

monday met bro, aizhe honey, zhiyang for kbox.. lolx.. the entire session was fun.. we taught bro alot of songs.. hahax.. hmm.. wat a frenz he was.. guess out of all JJ's song, he onli noe abt 1 or 2? hahax.. we sing sing, play play.. lolx.. hapi day!!! aft xbox, we went to play pool.. oh no.. 2 yrs.. it had been 2 yrs.. n yet i din noe tat my CGL was so gd at pool!!! out of 3 match, i lost to him 2 match.. erm.. its rather hard to meet sum1 hu can beat mi.. but.. he did.. .. aww.. .. went pasta mania to eat for our dinner.. den meet dear aft tat.. lolx.. bro don find dear handsome at all.. but gladfully, bro said to mi tat he's hapi for my choice.. he knew n sense tat dear is a gd guy.. =) thx bro..

ytd was the actually day of my bdae.. hmm.. well.. its jus a seems a normal day to mi.. at mid nite 12, msg aft msg was sent to mi.. lolx.. my fone rang non stop the entire day.. yanglin one was the most innovative de.. she sent mi mms.. was abt to slp at tat time, but.. cant aft listenin to her singin.. all my windows broke.. lolx.. but reli appreciate u guys loads.. went to sch as usual, met dear for breakfast.. aww.. dear gave mi a piglet.. so cute.. aft which, lessons went on as usual.. my classmates jus greeted mi 1 aft another.. durin eng lessons, i threw ms clara attitude, cuz she don allow mi to ans bro's call.. nonsence.. CHEC allow students to ans calls de lor.. don understand y she don let.. hu noes while i 'angry' tat time, dey're passin a card ard, writtin all greetins on it.. aft eng is math lesson.. wen ms joli teach half way, lights went off!!! i was like 'eh! wa piang.. CHEC oso will blackout de ar?!!' jus den, my classmates came in wif my cake.. 'hapi bdae to u.. hapi bdae to u.. hapi bdae to esther.. ..' there dey goes.. aww.. dey pah pak wif ms joli to use her lesson for my celebration.. so touched.. dey done so much for mi.. i jus luv my classmates sooo much.. 3OB rox! i luv all of u!!! ms joli dismissed us 15mins b4 hand to let us celebrate in the student lounge.. i cut the cake into smaller pcs n distributes ard.. of cuz, those biggger pcs goes to all sub teachers.. hmm.. i did hand the cake to ms clara.. she sumhw knew i was angry wif her.. but.. nah.. i noe, she has her reason for doin so.. i wasnt angry den..

was walkin wif dear ard orchard area.. walk walk walk den walk till paragon.. suddenly tot of joanne.. i gave her a call, jus nice she was abt to dismiss liao, so i went ahead to look for her.. we had a cup of drink at orange julies.. went reached hm, its oreli late nite.. had a short conversation wif bro.. chat wif him.. haas.. hmm.. it seems long since i last chat wif him.. but.. it was rather a nice chat la.. haas..

2day my lesson starts at 3.. aww.. was late for sch.. stupid bus uncle, drive so slow.. nw, gg to sch is no longer a nite mare to mi.. i luv doin it.. but.. there're reli alot of tins for mi to catch up especially in chem.. i'm reli slow.. thx to all of my classmates.. dey reli tryin all their best to make mi understand.. thx thx thx.. got back 2 of my chem test 2day.. haiz.. was upset abt it.. i got 55/95.. its a pass.. ya.. a pass.. but its so lousy.. 2nd paper was 14/16.. dis 1 is slightly beta.. aft bloggin i still got to go write essay..haiz.. life is CHEC aint tat fun aft all.. so busy.. so packed.. but its ok.. i'm reli hapi wif my life nw.. yeah man~!

outin

Written @ 3:50 PM

ytd cg mems celebrated my bdae.. hmm.. ok.. nth much to say, but thx.. wif a gift of new world t-shirt.. er.. my class against it, n.. .. i don wear white colour!!! but niwae, its ok.. i still appreciate it alot.. it looks cute too..i wore it 2day isnt it? =) oh.. ms joli saw my mems celebratin wif mi.. she knew abt my bdae.. tue go sch sure kana play by dem le.. lolx.. oh.. hu is ms joli? is my math teacher!!! wat a cute teacher.. '2day sky beri high'.. lolx.. tats wat she likes to say.. i luv her!!!

hmm..went for cg reluctantly 2day.. met my honey n we both go 2gether.. hmm.. she was like.. .. er.. bring mi go walk here walk there, den eventually we lost our way.. lolx.. she kept apologisin.. but.. er.. i'm not even angry? hahax.. nth to b angry abt.. oh no.. y did esther changed so much? no more pi qi? wakaka!!!

reached joan's hse.. entered her rm.. waa.. so pinkish.. jus like mine? haas.. but her walls got barbie doll stickers.. haas.. liang say dey seems scary.. lolx! but i tink it's quite sweet.. not for mi, but for joan.. hahahax.. not like my walls.. filled wif my fotos n all church tingy.. all the tithin reciept, bullentin, easter n christmas invitation cards, cg directory, bla bla bla all stuck on my walls.. muhaha.. aft all, my rm is not as neat as her la.. mine was the scene of world war 2.. lolx!

i luv the sentence bro said durin his preechin.. 'a person will nv use hurtfulk words unless he or she demself is hurt.. ..' dono y, but i jus luv it.. .. bro touched on abt luvin one another, abt frenzship.. cant help it but to gif a little glimp at her.. .. haiz.. .. aft all.. i'm not beri luvin either.. ..

shared my testimony.. hmm.. wen i was like thxin darius, waa.. mui mui n liang there luffin.. bro too.. gif mi tat kinda face.. iya.. alot ppl noes abt it liao la.. den wen i say i haf a 'frenz', mui mui was like tellin liang.. 'frenz meh? is bf wat.. ..' lolx..~ mui mui knew i got bf.. n she said tat it was chee yuan tat told her.. hu told chee yuan den??? hmm.. well.. i tink i noe hu.. ppl tat view my blog r limited.. so easy to trace n guess.. abit pek cek la, big mouth ppl.. haiz.. don understand y dey noe tins, den cannot keep to demself de.. mus go ard tellin other, den other tell others.. end up everi1 noes.. but is like.. its ok la.. don mind dem noein cuz bro noes it le.. =) bro actually wana announce de.. but i din wan to.. y mus announce? nah.. duo ci yi ju.. so.. bro respect my decision lo.. he jus keep quiet.. ..

aft cg, we proceed to ECP for outin.. not alot of ppl turn up, but.. hmm.. ok la.. still not bad.. we haf a volleyball match.. haha.. fun fun.. den i tot bro hw to blade.. er.. he blade wif my mp4 in his hands.. er.. scary, but yet.. .. er.. its ok la.. bro more impt.. haas.. so i told him tat if he abt to fall, its reli ok for him to throw my mp4 aside n save himself 1st.. lolx.. he almost fell numerous time.. thx God i caught him.. cant imagine i lose grab of him n he happens to fall.. for sure i'm gg to get scoldin frm him for not catchin him in time.. wakaka~ niwae, he survived aft a short distance on blade without fallin, n of cuz, wif my mp4 still in a pcs.. .. lolx.. we tok abt BGR.. haas.. bro tok abt him n the sista he likes.. hmm.. debatin n discussin session begins.. haas.. er.. more like questin n ansin session.. he ask, we ans.. lolx.. fun fun fun..~ aft which we change our venue.. instead of sittin on the grass, we make our way to mc cafe.. woo.. bro treated all of us cheese cakes!!! yum yum.. thx bro.. happi chattin over there.. haas..

hmm.. i begin to enjoy chattin wif mui mui.. she's jus so cute.. she sings wif mi n is always cheerful.. the most impt tin is.. she listens to mi.. tai tai too.. i luv tokin to her.. but hor.. 1 tin i don understand.. y is she always stonin? wakaka!!! she can stare into space beri long de leh.. lolx.. cute man~

tml we'll b gg to kbox.. bro joinin us oso!!! haha.. shockin rite? all for tat sista sake tat he's learnin hw to enjoy kbox life.. singin? haha.. lets see hw his 1st 'lesson' goes tml.. lolx..~ guess tml gona b fun wif dem celebratin my bdae.. =)

er.. i don understand.. it had been so long since we last see each other, since i last chat wif him, since he last appear in church.. everitin happened the min we broke up.. but nw.. out of sudden he jus pop out frm no where, callin mi almost everiday, wanted to chat wif mi on fone.. er.. aft all these while, he din step into church.. but a few days back, he called mi n say he decided to return to church.. well.. cool.. i encourageh him too.. but he actually wanted to meet mi n go 2gether.. er.. i rejected him as i've oreli met liang b4 hand.. aft svc ytd, he called, wantin to cum find mi.. er.. i rejected again as i was wif my mems.. he called again, dis time round he was jus sumwhere near to mi, er.. i cant run away ma.. so.. fine.. i met him.. i mean.. i still treat him as a frenz, but.. its actually imposs for us to get back la.. he seems scary to mi nw.. ahh.. plz plz plz.. i pray wif all my heart tat he'll stop callin mi.. .. ahhhh~

die la.. bdae on tue.. gettin old le!!! no God!!! plz let the time stop on the 20th at 11.59pm!!! i don wana grow old!!! 18 liao.. legal age for smokin, clubbin, drinkin.. haas.. not gd rite.. lolx.. i don like to club, n thru tat time tat incident in party world, i drink no more.. so its of no use.. lolx.. but i do smokes la.. aft all it doesnt matters to mi.. cuz i don buy cigg.. i took it all frm darius.. he don buy jus a pack.. he buy the whole roll wif 10 packs in it.. hiong hor? lolx..

aww.. sad.. min jus msg mi tat she not joinin us for kbox.. aww.. .. i called back, den say its ok, we'll jus meet for dinner ba.. she was like shock man! haas.. she say 'eh.. hw cum u din scold mi? i tot u called to scold mi..' =.=" hey guys.. i'm not tat fierce aft all ya? don always tink tat i luv to scold ppl.. i don ok? haas.. i'm beri luvin n carin de.. mayb not up to standard, but i'm still tryin hard ya? lolx.. don like tat react hao ma..

hmm.. sum1 jus called.. tryin to resolve tins.. all my mood gone.. seriously.. i was reli reli reli angry.. but.. wats the point.. she called to clarify tins.. 'always gif others a chance to explain..' tats wat bro told mi.. thou she din gif mi tat chance tat time, but its ok.. i'm nw givin her tat chance.. yup.. i picked up her call.. hw will tins go? i dono.. her fone went low batt.. n i suppose to call her back ltr.. mummy is on the fone nw.. wonder hw long more she gona use.. haiz.. don understand hw cum she got so much tins to say.. her daughter don like to tok on fone, the mother luv it so much.. hu say 'like mother like daughter'? nonsence.. jus see wat she goto say ba.. esther leong.. control urself!!! arrghh.. ..

love

Written @ 8:05 PM

i jus read sum1 blog.. if bein luvin is all tat requires, i guess.. .. we will not haf ani assignment to do but jus to luv.. true.. ppl do change.. tats wat i've realised too.. sum change for the gd, while sum got worsen.. bein luvin is nv as simple as we tot.. care n concern is nv enuf without paitients n skills.. luvin is a kind of skill n tats wat i learnt frm bro ard 2 hrs ago.. nono.. i guess its not all.. luvin includes compromisin n toleratin as well.. yup.. 1 simple word, but yet it used up so many other words for defination in supportin.. these r wat i call, 'simple, yet complex n sophiticated'.. ..

bein mad at others.. i did.. y not? we haf all rites to b mad n angry wif another party.. but anger shall always simmer.. isnt it? i m angry wif sum1 as well.. but wats the point.. haas.. life still carry on as usual b it u r happi or upset.. i've realise alot of tins too.. nono.. i shld say, i've learnt alot of tins..

haf we eva wonder hw anger came abt? hw cum we'll get angry over certain tins? haas.. wen u're burnin HOT, tink abt it twice, thrice or even more.. in the end u'll realise tat there's actually no reason n nth for u to b angry abt.. lolx.. interestin? even if u can reli shoot up wif 1 reason, i guess most prob its gona b a stupid one.. hoho..~ my CHEC frenz make mi walk frm sch (city hall) to bugis, back to sch, den to paradiz centre, den to dohby ghaut MRT there.. mind u, is WALK.. its such a long way.. .. the sun was scorchin n i was sweatin like hell.. can even use my sweat to wash car man.. lolx~ i was pek cek! tat goes without sayin.. but hey.. at least dey did gif mi a call to check for my location ya? to see if i was lost.. haas.. suppose to b angry, but eventually i din.. haas..

i den narrow down into a conclusion.. anger always came abt wen others doesnt meet our xpectations.. isnt it? wen we wan it dis way, den tat person do it tat way.. waa.. angry liao.. lolx~ wen we tink tat dis way is gd for tat person, yet tat person doesnt apprecaite, don listen, waa.. angry again.. diff concepts is the most essential critiria for ones to b upset n angry.. well.. tats the case.. hw can we get 2 person to tink the same way? nah.. i can say tat its near to imposs..

wen ppl doesnt appreciate us, we shldnt b angry nor upset.. but to work for the beta.. tats wat i've learnt.. NV to stop luvin dem.. NV.. .. true.. i was quite down wen ppl scolded mi, slammed my fone calls, use sacastic words on mi even if i did all tins out of care n concern.. but if i'm onli gg to pay attention abt mi luvin dem n yet not bein apreciated, den i guess i'm doin it worldly but nv Godly.. for luv is all abt givin.. .. yeah?

sumtin i don understand is tat.. for eg, i tell sum1 tat 'i had forgave u..' .. den fine.. but wen i reached hm, i tink n tink n tink, still not lettin down n realeasin all the anger.. the nxt day tat person happily cumin to mi say 'helo!' n yet i ignore tat person n tell him tat 'aft i go hm, i tink for the entire nite.. i've decided not to forgive u!'.. hey ppl.. does it sound ridiculars? haas.. the person i've been mad at does tat.. i mean for such tins, i don haf to PLED for forgivin.. wan den forgives, don wan den sua.. tins r as simple as tat..

thx God tat the person realise tat he/she is not luvin enuf.. well.. i'm not luvin enuf either.. i'm still workin for the beta side of mi.. releasin my potential.. haas.. if luvin others is so simple, verses abt 'luvin n carin' wldnt appear so many times in bible liao lor..

i'm in no position to say others or to complain others.. but lets all learn 2gether n work for the beta.. i'm not perfect, no1 is perfect, onli Jesus is perfect.. i'm open for remarks n is tryin to b teachable.. esther is nv as scary as u guys tink i can b.. lolx~

to the person tat i'm referin to.. u noe hu u r.. i'm not pin pointin or anitin.. durin our last conversation, i did apologise numerous times.. if u doesnt wan to accept the apology, tats fine wif mi.. no hard feelins on mi either.. ..

once again, luv is nv abt wantin others to meet ur xpectations, but to step into their life boundary n view the same vision as dem.. guys, tink it thru.. ..

CHEC

Written @ 6:26 PM

started sch abt a wk or so.. tins r gettin fun n cool.. .. i luv my class.. bomb up wif gals.. lolx.. onli abt 5 or 6 guys in my class? the rest all gals.. lolx~ OB3 rox man.. goto noe a bunch of real buddies n frenz.. dey help mi thru all my difficulties.. i'm a slow learner.. but dey're nv tired n pek cek in teachin mi..

it had been yrs since i last goten gd results.. .. here it goes..!!!
eng -12/20
math -20/20
chem -32/38

not gd? er.. haas.. ok la.. don xpect much leh.. haas.. i dono leh.. but to mi beri gd le.. haas.. thx to all my classmates.. dey're reli beri helpful.. we r so close.. we go out everiday as a big grp, for lunch n shoppin.. imagine more den 10 of us eatin 2gether wif big big table.. lolx.. so reh nao.. haha.. dey don mind mi smokin, but of cuz, dey did told mi off not to smoke so much la.. =) i reli luv dem leh.. aww.. .. we onli noe one another for a few days yet we're there for 1 another.. .. special thx to pris, eunice, dawn, yvonne, dora, andy, edmund kai wen n chris.. lolx.. my si dang.. haha~ reli enjoyed my time wif all of u.. gosh.. don tink i dono wat u guys r cumin up nxt on my bdae.. wei wei.. play anitin xpect for flour hor..!!! haha.. surprisin hor? hw cum i will noe u guys' plan.. cuz pris msg wrongly!!! she sent the msg to mi without her noein even! lolx..~ blurr pris.. hmm.. aww.. pris n her bf broke up le.. she's pretty upset.. no idea hw to cheer her up.. haiz.. but i'm glad tat she did msg mi to tok abt it la..

CHEC got alot of break de.. teacher see us so sian, den will gif break.. teacher teach till tired, den will gif break.. i tink 1 lesson will at least haf 1 or breaks.. lolx.. den we everitime go smoke den cum back.. thx to kai wen.. lolx.. always offer mi cigg.. hahax~

ms clara, my beluved mentor.. she's so cute n pretty n nice.. lolx.. heng ar.. she's my mentor, not ani others.. .. keke..~

hmm.. 2day 1st time throw dear dear attitude.. .. haiz.. i was reli pek cek.. i noe he jus ask out of his concern, 'eh.. hw cum u so sianz.. tired ar? borin? not feelin well? wat happened..' i ans 'nth' le.. but he ask again n again n again n again.. till i pek cek.. den i was like screamin at him 'hw many times u wana ask??!!!' n he gone quiet.. .. din he wana hold my hand.. humph.. don let him hold.. he will noe hw cum i m angry..

bro noes mi n dear tingy liao.. oppx.. i was waitin for him to say sumtin but eventually, he din.. .. he like beri happi like tat can b qing jia wif bro darren.. lolx~ bro says tat he wan to see him.. nah.. i will not bring him to show dem.. i don like the way ppl mems stare at jacky wen bel brought him to church.. nah.. i don wan the same kind of eyes on darius.. ..

oh.. leslie resigned le.. CJ gona b doom.. for sure alot ppl quittin as well one.. haiz.. sad.. guess i'm gona quit oso le.. .. dono.. see hu take over lor.. if is issac, i don mind leh... lolx!!!

i hate ppl whom r 'over-familiar' type.. sick.. saw 2 such ppl today.. both tryin to b 'close' wif darius.. sickenin man.. sori hor, i m jealous type.. keep away frm my bf!!!

yawn.. ..~ reached hm at ard 12 plus.. nw 2 plus le.. so tired.. gona slp le.. .. bye bye bloggy.. wan an.. sweet dreams..~

fake

Written @ 4:39 PM

everitin is so fake.. .. so fake.. .. tears flow.. .. i'm broken down.. .. i don haf attitude.. u guys r the one havin it.. .. weneva i'm alone, sittin at the very coner of my rm in the dark, all tat i ask nhope for, is a warmth hug.. .. but nv did i haf it.. .. nv.. .. sob..~

ppl nv try to understand mi, but to blame mi over for everi single minor attitude i haf.. y m i tryin to be paitient towards others, cuz bro once told mi.. .. 'i don mind u throwin attitude at mi, cuz.. tats ur nature.. ur personality.. if 1day u doesnt haf attitude, u r no longer hu u r.. ..'

i don doubt liang.. neither do i doubt bro.. .. i trusted both of dem.. but wat if durin an incident, both of dem said a diff tin? hu shld i trust den?.. sori bro.. i may hurt u.. i may mistook u.. but its all bcuz i trusted liang.. .. i don doubt u.. but i was overwhelmed at tat moment.. .. i'm sori.. reli sori.. a thousand n a million apology do no help i noe.. but tats all i can say.. .. i noe u din view my blog, neither can u see wat i wrote here.. .. but its ok.. .. at least, i feel beta writtin down all my feelins here.. ..

can God's creation b wrong? i guess so.. by creatin mi, He oreli made the biggest mistake.. .. i felt so much like cryin nw.. .. hu can spare mi their shoulder.. .. *sob*..

wooo~ chalet

Written @ 5:55 AM

waa.. so many many days nv blog le.. was in chalet.. the chalet was soooooo FUN!!! hmm.. 1st day was rather borin.. sian sian sian.. 2nd day was much more fun!!! lolx.. early in the mornin lawson went swimmin, cum back complainin tat there's no chio bu at the swimmin pool!!! wakaka!~ hu cares? lolx~ nana wan go escape, den ask mi wan go anot.. well.. i wan, but din bring enuf money.. in the end ask ask ard, chay.. onli $14.. .. hmm.. dear paid by net, so got discount.. .. weee~! 1st time in my life i step into escape.. before settin off for out 1st ride, i was rather scare.. all bcuz of final destination 3.. i kept on tinkin tat the machine will spoil, den will crash, den i will die.. lolx! so scary.. .. but in the end, chay.. all no kick de.. .. not thrillin enuf.. .. lolx..

we play the spin spin spin tingy, 1 machine able to sit 4 person, so mi wif dear, wif nana n wif jia hao took one of tat.. lolx.. (jia hao n nana call each other fei fei).. den wen the machine bein to move, nana scream beri loudly!!! 'FEI FEI!!! U NOT FEI ENUF!!! HW CUM I WILL STILL MOVE!!! AHH!!!~' lolx!!! wakakak!!! i was luffin like hell man.. haas.. we play the long long side tingy, sit in a boat den chiong down n will get wet tat kind.. haas.. wen chiong down, i so happi!! cuz.. i'm not wet at all!!! but wen i turn ard, poor dear.. .. soakin wet.. .. haas.. .. aft tat play go kart.. haas.. er.. din reli dare to play.. abit pa pa..i onli drive daytona before, din drive a real car.. lolx.. but hu noes.. my car overcut so many ppl.. den tat stupid soo ann, suddenly zam brake infront of mi, nearly bump into his car, den still dare to smile at mi.. wana smack him liao ar.. .. lolx~ dono wat happen to liang, pay money go in, den dis 1 don wana play, tat 1 don wana play.. in the end he return to chalet half way while we're playin n took my blade n go bladin wif jacky.. ..

at nite BBQ.. so nice.. wen we cum back frm escape, can eat le!!! everi1 fightin for the bed.. lolx.. .. got 2 side bed ma.. 1 side got bel n jacky, the other soo ann n amanda,, poor mi n dear no bed to slp.. haas.. den hor, amanda hungry leh! she went out to eat, den we dash in!!! wana throw soo ann out of the bed, lolx.. but he doesnt wan to get out.. =.= its ok.. we SQUEEZE wif him!!! till he buay tar han, in the end still goto gif the bed up to mi n dear.. muhahaX~ we lie on bed, cover frm head to toe wif blanket.. actually wana slp de.. but is like, beri noisy leh.. haas.. cant slp.. so.. er.. wat can a pair of couples do on bed n under blanket? lolx.. (muackz muackz).. den is like muackx till half way, waa piang eh.. dey throw pillows at us.. haas.. den we pull back blanket, cont again.. dis time round jean called mi.. the fone vibrates vibrates vibrates.. =.= .. argh.. ..~

recently edwin had been callin mi.. chattin on fone.. he called almost everiday? haas.. hmm.. true, aft we broke up, i still doesnt luv him alot.. but.. nw.. no longer le.. we're merely frenz.. he apologise for hw he treated mi in the past.. i'm jus bein beri frank 'its ok.. tats the past, u're no longer my bf..' .. hmm.. abt mi n dear.. bro seems to noe sumtin.. gosh.. he was like askin mi last sat.. hmm.. well.. i din say anitin.. ..

alot of ppl realised tat i've changed.. i jus wana exclaim tat i din.. .. i'm jus bein as mean as u guys.. i'm jus gettin back my personality.. all along i was too naive TRYIN to b nice.. .. worldy ppl doesnt haf attitude.. dey doesnt.. ppl hu throws attitude r all my mems? haas.. its ok.. don bother to gif a dame.. go svc, go hm, tats it.. no more fellowship.. ..

yeah~ sch reopen le.. new frenz! teachers there were so nice.. .. like our frenz? my mentor is super duper soft kind.. haas.. n cool leh, everi mon i haf no class.. don haf to go sch.. =) n tats the reason y i'm sittin in front of the com n blog nw!!! lolx~ poor dear, he's havin lesson in sch nw.. ..

oh no.. dear din catch ani slp in chalet ma.. den hor.. sun wen he went for svc, he slp durin sermon!!! *cover face* lolx..~ n his cell grp is like sittin rite at the front.. oh my oh my.. .. haas.. diu lian ar!!! but cannot blame la.. he reli beri tired.. ..

bel got new fone.. w800i.. waa.. so ex.. but.. is jacky buy de.. everi1 was like so envy.. but definately not mi.. i always change fone, so her w800i is nth to mi lor.. jacky rich? my prob? cuz darius is richer.. she was there hao lian over her fone.. shld i hao lian over my addidas jacket n my bag? shld i open darius wallet n show her? big deal~ cant stand her xiao zhang attitude.. ..

was rather please n happi seein tat liang n darius can click so well.. liang doesnt seems to like darius at the beri 1st place, den darius oso like beri scare of liang like tat.. hu noes.. lolx.. dey tok tok luf luf, ma jiam i transparent like tat.. =( .. .. haas..

dis wk i din work.. testin out my sch time table.. see hw tin goes den gif my schdule nxt wk.. wana go back work soon.. miss dem so much!!! haaas..

edwin

Written @ 4:15 PM

ages n dacades before since i last mention him.. .. edwin.. sum1 used to b so 'close' to mi, yet nw, so far.. since we broke up, we had not been contactin 1 another.. surprisingly, he requested to call mi ytd.. ya.. we chat for over an hr or 2.. was a nice chat indeed.. we tok more openly compared to the past.. we were even luffin aloud wen we mention abt those days of us bein 2gether.. he even called mi for movie 2day, but.. nah.. don feel like gg.. haas.. hmm.. but.. guess tat was all the past.. yes.. indeed i do luv him alot.. alot alot.. but not nw animore.. .. niwae, thx God tat we're sumhw ok nw.. at least, we're frenz! i gain a gd frenz.. =)

2day went to do delivery.. hu noes, jus nice ze called.. was chattin wif him while on my was to deliver.. hmm.. walked past body shop, so jus wave wave to yanglin, but.. er.. her reaction was.. .. weird? dono hw to say.. cant b bothered oso, aft all.. church mems always gif tat kinda reaction?.. nah.. suan le~ perhaps i over-reacted.. ze wanted a shower gel, so.. help him buy lo.. buy le den i leave.. yup.. dame shit leh.. i lost my way.. walk till fullerton hotel there, near esplanade liao, den i realise tat the buildin was far far opps frm the way i walk.. =.=" sun so hot, leg so tired.. .. haiz.. too bad.. but.. i jus luv to do delivery.. haas.. so.. guess its ok ba!

hmm.. jus got to noe tat my dear is a millionair!!! haas.. gosh.. he reli got alot of money in his acc leh!!! opps~ but cannot let him go shoppin.. all will b gone.. cannot let him spend so much.. i will do it on behalf of him!!! wakaka!!! n yet, he don mind.. aww.. ..

jus received a msg frm yanglin, dis sat is dono wat women wk.. bla bla bla.. goto wear nice nice feminine.. er.. i tot all along i was 1? lolx..~ haas.. actually din intend to go church, but.. dono la.. we'll see.. wana go buy new clothes.. sat gg shoppin wif dear, he payin for everitin.. sch reopenin soon le.. we gona buy new bags.. den gona but alot of tins!!! wee!!!~

2day daniel treat mi eat leh.. call him help mi da bao ma, don feel like eatin carls Jr tins.. he buy liao, den wen i wana pay him, he say no nid.. no matter hw i push to him, he jus don wana take.. haiz.. ok den.. but.. thx daniel!!!

yawn.. beri tired.. tml mornin still gona go CHEC for a meetin n briefin.. gona wake up early.. slpin soon le.. nite nite..~

new relation

Written @ 3:29 PM

it had been quite sum days since i last blogged.. din reli haf the time to blog.. i've been workin everiday; long hrs.. tired, yet happi wif the life i'm leadin nw.. for such a long time, i've nv been so happi before.. Daniel (big bird).. Nana.. Kate.. u guys reli cheered mi up n made my day.. n i noe, i will b havin a memorable bdae dis yr.. cuz u guys jus set it up n have it all jus for mi.. .. escape in the mornin, movie in the afternoon, n mi n Nana's fav Kbox at nite!!! haas.. thx guys.. word r nv enuf to mention hw much i appreciate u all.. .. my sch reopenin sch.. haiz.. gona work nite shift le.. wun b seein u guys as often as nw.. *sad* but its ok!!! Da niao n Nana is OT queen n king!!! dey work full shift den can get to see dem le!!! yeah~ dis sat is our branch chelet le.. weee~ haas.. let haf sun over there!!! hey hey.. thou ah pa say bu zui bu gui, hmm.. i cannot b drunk.. i haf my own policy.. k? don force mi to drink wor.. haas.. ENJOY!!!

er.. we r 2gether.. yes.. we r.. .. haas.. aft all tat Nana said, hmm.. i've accepted him.. even daniel, leslie, ah ben.. all call mi to accept him.. .. he's a believer? no.. is he not a believer? yes.. i mean.. he goes to church, sun svc.. but.. he's a frenz? haas.. soon soon.. lolx.. *waitin for his salvation* he go church not bcuz of mi wor.. y neh? cuz i'm frm sat svc n he's frm sun!!! wakaka~ dis shows.. hahax.. i'm usin K750i nw.. woo.. wat an expensive fone.. everi1 was like 'waaa...' upon seein mi usin it.. but hor.. not mine! is his fone.. lolx..~ he's too rich for mi? haas.. buyin addidas jacket, bad boy bag, billabong wallet for mi.. aww.. but! i'm not a materialistic gal ok!!! i don go for his money.. i don wan.. but.. .. haiz.. he insist all tat is for my bdae.. .. well.. cant reject den.. gosh.. he told mi 'ya.. i get it all for u, niwae, i oso dono where to spent my money..'.. oh mine oh mine.. wat is tat man.. hahax.. ACTION!!! humph!!! lolx~ i'm a staff frm RT, n he's a staff frm MS.. we both work in Carls Jr.. n jus nice.. both of jus study in CHEC.. wat a coincidence.. .. cuz he does go to church, he understands abt wat i tink at times.. n cuz both of us work in CJ, he understands too abt my workin hr n the stinko oily smell on mi!!! wakaka~!!! he's not gd lookin, but everi1 tinks tat he's cute.. i appreciate his jokes.. its dame funi!!! he's famous in MS wor.. all gals throw demselves up to him.. hw i noe? shh~ our area manager told mi de.. lolx!!! he handsome meh? i don tink so.. opps!! =x haas~ reli ma.. but hor, dono y he turn down all the gals n cum to mi.. aww.. pa jiao man.. sum more got 1 ang mo gal like him.. lolx~ cant stop luffin man.. hahahahaX~ i rejected him alot of times, but he din gave up.. haiz.. chi qing.. i told him tat i dono hw to go into a relation, i reli dono hw.. n his ans amazed mi.. 'i'm not gd either.. let learn 2gether den.. ..'.. well.. hao ba.. haas.. hey dear! i hate ur hair!!! but y everi1 tink its nice..? yee.. i prefer u not spike it up.. u look more mature.. lolx!!! n hor.. y u onli haf dimple on 1 side? so deep summore.. i oso wan!!! wakaka!!!~ u to fair liao la.. call u go do UV ray tingy u don wan.. lolx.. if mi, i oso don wan.. hu will wan to do the UV ray tingy aft watchin final destination 3? LOLX!!! er xin!!! the nxt movie we gona watch is dorm.. the shaggy dog i'm gona watch wif my branch ppl on my bdae celebration.. keke~ oh.. Nana wans u along leh, call mi bring u go.. hmm.. tot i oreli bringin u for my branch chelet? hmm.. well.. i'll see to it whether i wan u there anot.. WAKAKA!!!~

hmm.. haiz.. thou i'm pek cek n angry, but nth hardens my heart to care n luv for u all.. honey.. r u all rite?.. i dono wat happens btwn u n mike.. but i noe, u r beri hurt n beri upset abt it.. i haf no idea if u guys r still 2gether too.. honey.. i'm here.. wenting is there too.. min oso.. don like tat can? dint u promised to haf mi my bdae gif.. ..? i wan nth.. all i wan is for u to b happi.. .. can u gif tat to mi?.. esther honey luvs u.. honey, stand up on ur feet again.. i'm holdin u tite.. i noe nth i say can eva help to ur situation, but.. i'm jus tryin my beri best to contibute in helpin out.. haiz.. tok to mi if u feel like it k? i'm here.. *sayang*

to sum up, recently had reli been the happiest moment in my life.. i'm happi.. reli happi.. .. =)

i'm free? fuck u man!!!

Written @ 4:29 PM

haas.. guess everi1 tinks tat i'm too FREE.. too free to view others blog everiday, too free to call n msg dis n tat person.. too free to wait hrs for ppl.. .. viewin u guys' blog everiday is to update myself wif tins tat r gg on in u guys' life.. .. callin u guys n msgin u guys is to see hw u guys r doin.. facin prob? excitement tat nided to b share? waitin for ppl cuz i feel tat 2 perso gg hm 2gether is always beta den 1 person gg hm.. .. i'm free? haas.. i'm not!!! u guys r busy.. cool.. tink i'm not? u guys CAN b busy.. cant i??? i'm not free!!! but i jus always wana fork out wateva time i haf other den my workin hrs to u all.. understand n noe u guys beta.. but sadly, i'm NEVER appreciated.. .. true enuf, appreciation is a bonous.. but there again, if no1 is bein appreciated for wat dey've done.. u tink dey wldnt b pek cek?? i don mind rushin here n there aft work jus for my mems.. my frenz..

sandy, u gif a msg sayin tat u r sad, thou i say i don wish to meet u, but upon hearin tat u r down, i meet u straight aft my work..

wenting, moet of the time u called, u will b cryin on the fone.. i was at ubin wen once u called.. i rush back immediately b got to u..

aizhen, u always face low courage n lack of confidence.. thru ur blog, got which time haf i not got to u in time?

zhiyang, u r always upset abt lotsa tins.. u don tends nor like to share wif mems.. but mi.. times n again, i stayed up late at nite, jus to keep ur msg gg n listen to wat u've got to say.. comfortin u.. ..

mabel.. used to b one of the sista tat i luv most.. .. we've gone thru so much.. .. thick n thin.. ups n downs.. happi n sorrows.. yet.. we're like strangers nw.. ..

kelvin.. .. i out so much of my trust in him.. yet i got betrayed.. ..

joanne.. i luv her.. .. i do.. but i guess i shall use back the same words she used on mi to her.. 'its USELESS showin concern abt u.. ..'

jas, durin the holidays wen we're workin n u r jobless, everi nw n den wen u're bored, u called mi out.. cool.. i went.. but tink it HARD again.. hw many time did u actually put mi aeroplane.. n i seriously tell u, i don tink tat we've eva went out 2gether n go hm 2gether.. u always left in the mid of the appointment.. isnt it? throwin mi there, sayin sori n there u go, meetin ur other frenz.. jas, mind u.. sori DOESNT cure!!!

all n all.. none of the above name mention eva thx mi b4.. haas.. sum can even say i'm too free? bible says tat everitin we do, we mus do it out of luv.. yes.. i luv all of u.. but my Q is.. m i luv my u guys as well? haf i noe done enuf??? u guys r my family, r those tat suppose to b close to mi.. not it isnt so.. .. thou the way u ppl celebrate bdae is singin bdae song, gif a simple gift, den pray for tat person, tats all.. the so called celebration nv even lasted over 15mins.. but.. yearly, i'm waitin for tat day.. cuz no1 eva celebrate bdae for mi, xcept u guys.. thou its simple, fast, but i appreciated it.. but is like.. even CJ ppl took mi as their family mems.. dey wan to make my bdae grand.. dey wanted all to go Kbox for my bdae n celebrate for mi.. i pushed all away.. jus wanted to go for tat 'simple' bdae tat u guys will b havin for mi.. .. but nw.. i find no means in all tat.. .. sori to say, but all feelins n lus had gone.. .. carin for u guys is a waste of my time.. .. i rather spend my time workin.. ppl there r nice.. i'm happi.. n i got paid.. ..

there's no reason for mi gg on break.. no reason at all.. simple bcuz i find there's NO MEANS.. .. nw, i finally understood y bel doesnt wan to show up.. .. sori to say, but i reli dislike u guys man.. .. u guys can pull ppl frm hell up to heaven, n yet can push ppl down frm heaven to hell at the same time.. .. i wanted so much to go svc, listen to the preachin.. but seein u guys jus kills all tat is within mi.. toleratin u guys attitude n nonsence causes burnin sensation in mi.. HOT..

its jus so hurtin.. fine.. God will takes it all.. *sob* n i'm sori.. i'm no longer FREE for ani of u! even if i reli am, i will choose NOT to fork out my time for ani of u!!! Esther is not free.. i'm jus makin availin myself.. don take it for granted plz.. ..

'Father in heaven,
Hallowed b ur name.
Your kingdom cum,
Your will b done,
on earth, as it is in heaven.
Gif us dis day, our daily bread
n forgif us frm our debts,
as we forgif our debtors.
Let us not in temptation,
but deliver us frm the evil ones.
for Yours is the kingdom
n the power
n the glory forever..'

Amen.. ..