My love for you sank to the bottom of the ocean..

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Lost in love..

Wishlist

Here are the items!
~~1) Itouch~~
~~2) Skull Candy~~
3) Fred perry button shirt
~~4) Watch~~
5) Gucci wallet
~~6) Crumpler sling bag~~
7) Skaters Cap
8) Digital Camera
~~9) Clothes~~
~~10)White shoes~~
11)Accessories (tie, bowtie, brouch, vest etc..)

bad mood

Written @ 4:45 PM

din went to sch 2day.. was sick.. dora was swt enuf to msg mi 'hey gal, get well soon..' .. =) thx dora..

was scheduled to work.. no choice but to go.. haiz.. was angry wif darius.. he told mi tat he'll b buyin food for mi n promised tat he'll cum rite aft he eat finish his dinner.. i waited for 4 hrs or so.. till closin time, i gave him a call, tellin him i got NO more appetite for ANITIN n ask him NOT to cum animore.. let mi wait n he was happily out wif his frenz.. i super duper angry.. den wen i do closin half way, nette came to mi 'esther, ur bf is outside..' to my surprise.. he came inspite of mi chasin him hm.. he was there apologisin, yet.. i'm still not simmered down.. ..

ytd he made n effort to teach mi math.. i told him tat i haf no mood to do, yet he kip on wantin mi to gif a try.. he teach n teach, den i jus tell him.. 'I DON UNDERSTAND..' but the fact is.. i'm not even listenin.. .. nah.. at last i noe hw to do la.. cuz is like.. he reli seems pathetic.. .. lolx..

durin my work.. damn.. li lin call mi to serve the BIG BOSS.. he's the BIGGEST BOSS in CJ.. i did as li lin told.. die.. i was like 'sir, may i clear ur tray away?' he repiled 'sure!' n added 'wat time did u all open?' noein tat it were to b a test, i ansed..
me:'oh sir, we open at 8 in the mornin.'
he:'n wat time u all closes?'
me:'9.30pm sir.'
he:'do u open on sun?'
me:'no sir, we're close on sun.'
he:'oh! u r close on sun? i see.. do u serve desert?'
me:'yes we do. we haf choc fudge cake n blue berry cheese cake sir.'
he:'oh? isit shown in the show case?'
me:'yes sir, it is shown in the show case.'
he:'can i take a looK?'
me:'sure. dis way plz.'

walk to the show case.. ..

he:'oh! u guys serve the cake in slices, not in a whole?'
me:'no sir, we serve it in slices, its $4.50 per slice.'
he:'i see.. so where does ur cake cum frm?'
me:'er.. ..er.. ..'

he gave a little tap n smile sayin 'haas.. its ok.. ..'
n nw he look at the salads..

he:'oh! u sell salad too?'
me:'yes we do sir. charbroiled chicken salad n side salad.'

lookin close at the chicken salad n he said
he:'hmm.. there's chicken, lettuce, tomato.. .. so.. wat else in inside?'
me:'sir, there r cucumber n shuredded cheese too.'
he:'oh?! there's cheese inside?'
me:'yes sir. there's cheese inside.'
he:'hmm.. so nw.. tell mi hw many oz of lettuce is in the salad.'

i was tinkin 'die le la.. hw on earth i noe ar..'
jus den, he smile again n said

he:'its alrite.. thx..'

haiz.. the 'test' was so tough.. no wonder he is BOSS.. BIG BOSS.. =.=" if lawson noe i cannot ans, sure kena scold de.. thx to li lin lor.. call mi serve him.. haiz.. if i were to b in KFC, no worries.. anitin tat is bein asked, i will ans ALL.. but too bad.. nw i'm no longer in KFC.. but CJ.. ..

i don understand y CG mems r so bz.. jo is bz, yanglin is bz, bro is bz.. simply everi1 is so bz.. like wat mui say.. dey r bz over everitin EXCEPT tins concernin CG.. hu will spare their pair of listenin ears..? wen i wanted so much to tok to sum1, all i cld find is mui.. .. no matter hw bz she were to b, she'll reply mi no matter wat.. thx mui.. raine call mi to look for mems to help mi in my studies.. if non of dem haf time to even respond to mi, wats more wld it b poss for dem to haf the time teachin mi.. ..

i'm simply not in the mood to tok.. get away everi1.. ..

bu kai xin

Written @ 5:50 AM

m i in mood swing? nah.. definately not.. but i'm simply unhapi.. .. lotsa tins trapped in my heart.. i'm suffocatin.. i cant catch my breath.. sumbody help mi...~

i wrote a letter to ms clara.. written 'thou i haf nv enjoy tokin to u, neither haf i shown u gd attitude, but i blif.. tat day will cum soon.. thx for ur effort.. ..' i slot dis little slip of paper btwn her laptop n i left.. aft sch she saw mi.. she was rather overjoyed abt it.. 'hey! i got it!' haas.. tats wat she said.. aft all.. she quite a nice tecaher, a carin mentor.. ..

yanglin's com broke down.. so many tins to tell her yet her msg exceeded oso.. i'm please at the least tat she's still sendin mi frenship msg everi 2 to 3 days despite of her exceeded msges.. i told Darius, most of the time i will go aft yanglin.. btwn him n her, i will choose her.. its not tat my luv for him had ceased, but yanglin means too much to mi.. the ups n downs we've went thru, nth can hold a candle to it.. he seems understandin, yet the expression of sadness cldnt fade frm his face..

Andy doesnt like Darius.. wat can i do? i rather not noe dis news.. ..

sch seems so horrifyin to mi.. i've been runnin away.. not for thr sake of pon teng, but i simply doesnt wan to go n make a fool out of myself there.. everi1 is so fast.. i'm always the last to finish.. haf u eva experience tat the rest of ur classmates finished the work given n u r still strugglein wif it, yet teacher forgotten abt u n cont teachin? ppl scored well.. wat abt mi? fail n fail n fail.. i hate the feelin of tat.. .. i hate it.. ..

ytd went body shop to look for sarah.. lolx.. i've realised sumtin.. i'm beta in drawin eye liner den sarah!!! wakaka!~ i'm free to play wif ani cosmatic there.. i drew a make up, gothic style.. hmm.. sarah tink its nice.. liang say its a new look for mi.. haas..but i blif if i do such make up to church , everi1 will get shock.. ..

money.. i wan money.. God.. let mi haf a break thru financially.. .. ahh..

wo hen bu kai xin.. super duper down.. .. God, help mi.. .. sob~

back in sch

Written @ 4:07 PM

i'm back in sch.. er.. feels kinda weird.. haiz.. gona start all over again.. i'm rei slow in math n chem.. gona cry liao.. but i m doin well for physic.. scored A1 for the 1st test.. n score at least a C5 for the topic tat i missed.. haas.. yet i still can pass.. lolx..

everi1 in sch r still as frenzly.. dey make mi feel so wlcm back in sch.. =] 1st day back n i was dancin wif dem.. woo.. saw hw eunice dance.. she's gd indeed.. even mr kenny tink so.. cool huh babe!!!

was rushin hm frm sch straight aft dismissal.. suppose to meet yanglin n pass her my ez link.. haiz.. but i forgot to bring it out wif mi.. no choice but to go hm take.. take le, rush out again.. n wen i called her, she say she's in sch, will onli b dismiss at ard 7 plus at nite.. so i was like.. fine wif it? i waited for her frm 4 plus 5.. all the way till 7 plus, i receive her msg.. she din wan to meet, she say she's tired n din wan to go aniwae.. i was freakin tu lan den.. but is like.. haiz.. wats the point.. i noe she's in nid of it.. so i travel all the way to her hse n pass to her.. thou i'm angry, but is like.. haiz.. don even noe hw shld i cont wif my anger on her.. aft all, there shldnt b ani overnite anger btwn best frenz isnt it? .. .. haiz.. *simmer down*

din intend to go for CG outin.. but.. bro is like indirect forcin mi to go.. he say if i din go, he wans mi to go for make up.. hu will man! fine.. no choice but to go.. show face awhile den make my move..

i'm so tired.. tml still got CJ trainin.. ahh.. i'm reli beri beri beri tired.. in alot of ways la.. haiz..

was readin thru everi bk in bible.. realised.. .. i din reli noe hw to pronounce afew bks' name.. .. (throw face) still was sharin verses wif Darius yet i din noe hw to pronouce..

break thru!!! miraculously Eddie tok to mi!!! haas.. he hor.. beri attitude de.. weneva i tok to him, he'll either don reply, or reply in buay song manner.. but 2day is our 1st time reli tok leh.. not a beri long chat, but a chat wif content.. he's nice la.. cute too.. lolx.. handsome n cool.. wee!!!~ i goto noe hu his new gf is!!! shhh~ haas.. he say he din wan too many ppl yp noe.. orh orh.. SHHHH~~ lolx~

suddenly tot of ppl hu plays an impt roles in my life.. dey deserve a BIG thx.. :
Bro
Yanglin
Ah liang
Ah yang
Mui mui
Eunice
Dawn
Raine
Dora
Edmund
Chris
Eddie

luv all of u so much so much.. *hugx*

i wana slp le.. *yawn* .. ..

away

Written @ 3:01 PM

i wasnt disappeared frm bloggin.. i did blogged.. but.. aft a long entry, wen i click on 'publish post', the entire tin went off.. .. haiz.. ..

had been quite a relaxin wk for mi.. went help out in church office.. was rather fun.. even got ppl call mi 'sister esther'.. lolx.. i haf my own table there.. n wat i haf to do mainly is jus arrange the time slot of those ppl hu r gg for prelimenary rounds for the emerge.. haas.. ppl will ask funi Qs, den tok funi tins which i don even understand.. lolx.. but i did all my best to ans n entertained dem.. i sat there frm 2.30 all the way to 10pm.. cool.. long hrs sia.. but nevertheless, its reli a gd experience for mi.. .. future job? (church stuff).. wakaka~

at times, i reli do admire myself for certain quality in mi.. i'm not perfect, no1 is perfect, onli Jesus is perfect.. all along i'm workin for the beta.. n durin a conversation wif yanglin, tat particular sentence of hers inspired mi.. 'esther, if God can renew ur mind, n if u r more open 2wards new frenz n new mems, u will reli b a woman of God i tell u.. ..' .. sounds simple, yet is sumtin tough for mi to work on.. nah.. woman of God? still a long way.. if everi yr durin appreciation cell there's an award of the lousiest mem or the lowest spiritual lvl, i sure get it de.. haas.. i m lousy.. jus lousy.. ..

everitin go by spiritual lvl.. hw spiritual do we consider spiritual? hw unspiritual do we consider unspiritual? wat is the defination of bein spiritual? hw can we tell if one is spiritual?.. .. i ask yanglin all these.. but sumhw.. .. she stumbled.. she cldnt ans mi anitin.. ..

ms clara is a pain.. she had been pesterin mi eva since i disappeared frm sch.. told her i wana withdraw, she don allow.. den stirr up everitin, make tins BIG jus to make mi go back.. fine.. promised her i will go back on the 5th of the cumin mth, she don allow.. wat sayin tat if i don cum back by 20th of dis mth, den i no nid to go back ani more.. idiot.. don go back den don go back la! big deal! damn her man.. i luv my sch.. but i hate her.. count herself a CGL.. my foot!!! she doesnt deserve tat post at all.. she don understand ppls heart.. but.. i jus miss my classmates.. dey miss mi too.. tat i clearly noe.. ..

mummy changed shift le.. she nw workin mornin shift.. she used to b out for work at 11am in the mornin n returns at 11pm at nite.. if i wake up early, i can get to see her.. n at nite i usually don slp so early, so can see her again.. but nw.. the time she go out, i haven wake up.. the time she cums hm, i'm out.. wen i'm back, she slp le.. .. cant even meet 1 another.. .. n weneva i've got tins to say, i haf to wait till she's free.. not onli mi.. even if my mentor wana tok to her, she has to try callin again n again till she's free to pick up.. .. wen i call her, she'll get mi to hang up quickly as she has got another line.. but.. aint i'm her 'incomin call' as well? .. .. y jus cldnt she hear mi out.. ..

Easter drama was great.. i watched it twice.. 1st time tears jus seems to b like a runnin tap tat flows non stop.. 2nd time i tot i could control it, but no.. i cried again.. .. wat if God ask mi the way he ask simon peter? 'esther, do u luv mi.. ..?' .. wat will my reply b den.. i do.. but guess the the actions i do doesnt tally wif wat i say.. .. haiz.. .. God noes it all.. ..

1st time met sista xiao wei.. well.. impression on her wasnt beri gd.. but hu cares.. i'm not gg to live wif her, neither m i gg to interact wif her.. .. so.. i don haf to like her.. bro like her can le.. ..

yanglin lost her wallet.. yes.. again.. dono wat more i can say.. haiz.. she's jus far too careless.. gona go make police report wif her tml.. her IC is inside, ez link inside, ATM card inside.. haiz.. mainly everitin oso inside la.. accordin to wat she had rem, she dropped it on a taxi.. .. she don even noe which company does the taxi belongs to.. .. =.="

went to body shop to look for hee jus nw.. was askin if she wana join mi n the rest of the mems to fellowship at PS.. she shook her head.. i left.. in the end she msg mi tat she'll b joinin us.. i smile upon receivin her msg.. but in the end, i goto noe tat she din came bcuz of us.. she came for chengyee.. .. moreover she waited for her till she dismissed.. .. i din say much.. but deep down in my heart was filled wif doubts.. .. thou i always acted tat i'm 'fine' wif everitin, but yet its nv fine wif mi wen it cums to chengyee.. .. it matters alot to mi.. .. all along i'm hidin all the discomfort.. .. but i guess.. .. there'll nv b an endin to it.. .. ..

i jus wish to carry on.. .. let nth stop mi.. smilin on the outside yet bleedin on the inside.. .. ..

bladin

Written @ 2:08 PM

had a bladin session wif sum CG mem ytd.. haiz.. for so long i had not fall, yet.. ytd i did.. .. not onli tat, it was a severe one.. .. 'thx' to tat hump.. =.=" haiz.. regret din bring own blade.. haiz.. east coast's blade so speedy.. yanglin almost fell cuz my blade hit her's wen i fall.. heng she din.. if not i'm gg to b guilty! =x aft half an hr, i took off my blade n get ze to wear it on.. he's quite a fast learner.. or.. m i too gd a teacher? lolx!~ haiz.. tat fall makes mi 'can fei' for 2day.. guess not onli 2day, but the pain will follow mi for days n wks.. argh.. .. wen i sit down, i cant stand up.. wen i lie down, i cant get up.. my rite hand cannot even lift up.. haiz.. nth but jus PAIN~ ..

Easter cumin le.. cant wait for the cumin svc.. i wana make a point to Q dis wk.. yes.. u guys din read wrongly.. I M GG TO QUEUE DIS WK!!! i will reach there ard 12 plus to queue.. i wan the BEST seats for my mems!!! er.. tats provided i've recover frm all the pain la.. ditch all of it off.. wakaka!~ if not its gona b killin for mi.. .. nvm.. get liang to standby wheelchair for mi.. .. lolx~ yanglin still call mi go see chinese physician.. plz.. strungle mi to death b4 sendin mi there.. noein tat the physician will break everi single bone in my body.. NOOOOoooo~!

nana told mi tat she's interested in Easter drama in our church!!! wakaka!!! i shall get her to cum!!! if she cum, jia hao will cum, if jia hao cum, jacky will cum, if jacky cum, bel will cum, if all of dem cum, soo an will cum!!! lolx!!! CJ revival!!! but.. haiz.. nana is nw pregnant.. dono if jia hao allow her to cum.. .. =( nvm.. jia you Esther!!! Go Go Go!!!

ah pa resigned le.. li lin transfer frm MS to RT.. she's nice.. but.. she's a workaholic.. .. so.. all of us died in her hands.. gettin us to do dis n tat everi min n everi sec.. .. cant blame her.. MS so bz.. den cum RT is like slappin flies.. she jus simply cant stand it.. ..

oh.. yanglin called.. lolx.. jus a few mins tok but yet it was like addin colours to life.. haas.. she hor.. dono y so high.. still say i high.. .. haas.. no choice la.. i was like bein stiff for the entire day liao.. my onli leisure is onli wen she called.. lolx..~ so high 2gether wif her lor.. wakaka!~ don understand.. y each time i try to make apoint to distance away frm her, we'll b pull so close 2gether.. but if we r close, we always tends to drift apart.. hmm.. its ok.. i enjoy hu she is nw.. n i'm happi wif wat we r nw.. .. =)

dear ar dear.. jus luv him soooo much.. do find him bothersome at times.. but.. aft all, he's my bao bei.. my bah bah!!! opps! =x shhh~ haiz.. my secret kena leak out by mui mui le lah.. stupid mui!!! aww..~ bro oso noe le.. *blush* mui.. 'thx' to u lor.. .. wakaka!!!~ mui mui say tat dear looks like the actor tat holds the role of simon peter.. haas? oh reli? dono hu isit.. its ok.. ans shall reveal dis cumin sat.. hey~ dis cumin Easter got tat hockkien song leh!!! i noe hw to sing!!! la la la~ 'na si wa wu ji ba ban, wa beh zeh bueh ji, wa beh you seh gai, ah wa kieh sai tai yang, jit boon jia su shi.. ..' wakaka~

*clap clap* bro r attached!!! so happi for bro leh.. reli.. finally i got da sao le!!! keke!!!

hmm.. my CHEC frenz get to mi 1 aft another.. testimonies r in a Q.. all of dem miss mi so much.. .. i miss dem too.. .. n chris was like 'eh.. .. wo.. .. wo men da jia dou hen xiang ni.. ..' haas.. waakaka!!! i was luffin non stop upon hearin tat!!! it sounds weird frm a guy? lolx..~ summore he like wan to say den don dare to say.. dare to say but pai seh like tat.. .. haha.. i dono was to say nxt but to ask wen is he cumin back for svc.. (we're on the fone).. aft all.. he's a backslider.. .. all of dem r waitin for my return.. .. haix.. i dono.. .. sori guys..

i'm tired.. haf to go eat dinner den slp le.. .. goto rest.. .. *yawnz*

tu lan

Written @ 2:36 PM

so many tins happened.. was rather down n upset.. .. trap in a dilemia situation.. .. lotsa tins to tink, lotsa tins to slove.. cried at a corner of my rm in the lonely nite.. but thx God.. He was there.. times n again wen tins seems most out of hand, he came n done a miraculars work.. He's luv is tangibly bein felt.. He noes wat i'm gg thru.. for my furture is His history.. ..

Easter is cumin.. weneva dey roll the video of last yr Easter drama, tears will fall two stream down on my cheek uncontrolably.. He died jus for US.. ..

'we are the reason tat He gave his life..
we are the reason tat He suffered n died..
to a world tat was lost
He gave all He could give..
to show us the reason to live.. .. ..'

a nice n touchin song.. it tells us hw impt we r to Him.. .. He did wateva he can to carry our sins wif him on the cross.. .. sob.. our beluv Daddy Jesus.. .. He luv all of us so much, not even Darius's luv to mi can hold a candle to His luv for mi.. .. =,)

haiz.. damn tu lan.. wats the purpose of havin an outin wen no1 actually wana go.. some say dono, cannot confirm.. some say DON WANA GO.. some stir up stupid reasons jus to gif it a miss.. some worse still.. don even bother to reply.. ai zai man..~ i don wish to mention names.. dey noe hu dey r.. .. like wat mui mui say.. everi1 is bz.. yes.. so bz.. bz wif everitin simple minor tins but jus EXCEPT for cg tingy.. wats tat man.. not free to fellowship, not free for outin.. den mite as well tell mi dey're too bz to luv God? too bz to cum church??? crap.. all crap.. .. fine.. learn frm one another ma.. i shall learn frm dem.. outin? NOT FREE!!! fellowship? BUSY!!! yes.. tats the case.. ppl can don go.. y cant i? waste my time.. ..

bad days

Written @ 2:13 PM

bein 2gether wif darius is the most happi n enjoyable moments in my life.. .. i always tell myself, 'yes, he's the one..' but sumhw.. .. tins start to b diff aft i pray abt it.. .. i noe its kinda late to pray abt the relation aft we got 2gether, but i jus haf the feelin n urage to pray for it.. God did not respond.. .. i prayed again.. He kept mum once again.. He did object, but neither did He approve.. .. i told bro abt it.. He din say much expect for mi to follow my faith.. n if i happen to do anitin wrong, God will guide mi.. .. i haf everitin, jus lack of tat 'peace'.. i told darius, 'if my parents object us bein 2gether, i will go against dem.. but if God disapprove, i will break wif u immediately.. ..' i'm sori.. but i haf no other choices.. ..

tml onwards i will not b gg to sch animore.. .. thou i noe dis decision i made is a bad one, but yet dis is the onli way for mi to release myself frm pain, suffers n hurts.. .. aft withdrawin, i can work again.. i will haf money again.. .. sch fee $390, exam fee $200 over.. everitin hittin $600 over.. .. where on earth can i get so much money? steal? rob? beg?.. .. i've nv find myself so poor b4.. nv.. .. owe kun $70, mui $50, joanne $20.. n raine.. i owe raine tat $100 too.. jus tat i reli don haf the money to return her.. .. money money money.. everitin requires money.. CG fund.. still goto pay bel tat $18.. tithe.. where can i dig so much money frm??? chec is a gd sch, i've learnt alot n alot of tins there.. .. cant bear, but haf to leave.. .. where will i b aft i leave? hw wld i bcum? everitin is bein replace by a 'question mark' currently.. ..

hp spoiled le.. .. wana change a new one.. dis is a NEED, not a WANT.. .. i reli nid a new fone.. .. yet.. i don haf the money to buy new one.. nv eva in my life tat i'm leavin in poverty, yet nw.. i m.. .. i hate it.. reli hate it. .. y tins will turns out all like dis.. .. i don luv money.. but nw, i'm in nid of it.. ..

mummy, damn it.. onli noe hw to scold mi, nag mi.. yet not gif mi money for my fee.. wat the JI TOOT use.. .. everi1 call mi not to quit sch.. yes.. i noe!!! i don wish either!!! u all payin ar?? say till so easy.. crap.. CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!! !!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sobbin in tears.. ..