My love for you sank to the bottom of the ocean..

WEBMISTRESS DISCLAIMER TAGBOARD

Hello creatures! Welcome to my blog! Click the tabs above to explore my blog. Constructive criticisms are highly appreciated. Don't forget to leave a tag!
bold strong italic underline
♥ Visit Esther's facebook! ♥

Photo of the Day

Lost in love..

Wishlist

Here are the items!
~~1) Itouch~~
~~2) Skull Candy~~
3) Fred perry button shirt
~~4) Watch~~
5) Gucci wallet
~~6) Crumpler sling bag~~
7) Skaters Cap
8) Digital Camera
~~9) Clothes~~
~~10)White shoes~~
11)Accessories (tie, bowtie, brouch, vest etc..)

the recoverin wounds..

Written @ 2:38 AM

i'm back for bloggin again.. i'm rather bz recently.. or i can say.. tryin to kip myself bz.. had been workin n workin.. studyin n studyin.. hard work n effort pays.. cumin mth i will b gettin a big amount of money which i guess i wldnt get the same amount the 2nd time.. haas.. n for my sch work ar.. haas.. alot ppl fail properbility.. guess wat? i pass~! not jus a 'on the dote' passin u noe? wakaka.. o lvls cumin le.. i reli don wana waste dis yr.. BUCK UP!!!!

been cryin for the past few days.. everi1 was bz consolin mi.. thx guys.. i den bein to understand tat i'm actually beri blissed.. reli.. alot alot alot n alot of ppl actually concern n care abt mi.. jackie, lai huat, yan ning, li xuan, all all all n all.. cant b namin out everi1.. but i reli appreciate u guys.. yan ning especially.. u cried wif mi as well.. haass.. *hugs* all of u dote mi like no1 did.. havin u guys in my life is the greatest blessin tat i can eva haf.. =)

she got herself a new bf.. i mean.. ya.. i'm hapi for her.. but.. plz gif it a tot of my situation.. here i m lost in luv, there she is tokin abt her bf non stop.. its rather irritatin.. times n again i tried to stop her, but she will start it again in the nxt few mins time.. i mean.. yaya.. so wat if ur bf is handsome? so wat if he learns thai boxin? so wat if he in RP? so wat if he calls u n touches u? so wat if he's beri gd in pool? so wat n so wat??? i'm not interested in noein!!! PISSED OFF man.. damn..

i lost my harmonica.. no idea where i place it.. *sad*.. i used to play it weneva i'm down.. but nw.. it cld nowhere b found.. harmonica.. .. where r u.. .. sob sob..

gg to rot at hm 2day.. don intend to go sch.. onli 2 lessons.. waste my time gg there.. den is like.. go liao still haf to see sally.. she onli noe hw to kao peh.. sian sia.. no work 2day.. finally off le.. at nite meetin yanglin for dinner.. er.. haas.. count myself lucky tat i'm able to squeeze into her tat packy packy time slot for dinner.. ..

thou i'm 'recoverin', but still.. i'm not in the mood for alot of tins.. b abit clever can? leave mi alone.. if not.. my special power of ATTITUDE will hit u into combos.. watch out.. ..

luv is blind.. ..

Written @ 5:24 AM

i dono wat more to say.. withdrawin frm dis relation aint wat i wan.. .. well.. haas.. guess i'm stupid enuf to got 2 time by him.. .. he got a new gf le.. .. tat gal frm carls too.. i saw tat gal b4 too.. she came ps tat day.. but nv in my tots is she his gf.. .. hw can sum1 b so cold n heartless.. jus finish up 1 relation, there involves in another.. ..

carls left mi wif too many memories.. too many upsetness.. thus.. i choose to leave.. aft all workin in ps is not tat fun either..

jie jie, ah yi, yan ning, li xuan.. all beri concern abt mi.. abt mi n darius.. abt hw i feel.. all of dem stood by mi, r there for mi.. there r times tat i work half way, i bein to throw tins n ran out to vent my anger.. u guys all understood.. not angry, yet show all of ur concern towards mi.. ..

1st time.. dis is ther beri 1st time tat i'm so hurt over 1 relation.. .. indeed i reli am.. ms esther said tat 'in ani relation, openin up urself to the other party is a RISK for u'll nv noe if 1 day dey turn their back at u..' ..

wana thx raine, dawn, dora n jeanie.. my grp of pals.. thou btwn u guys there r certain misunderstandin, but u guys r still my best pals.. u guys noe hw i feel.. u guys care.. makin mi smile even i'm in the darkest point of my life.. ..

yup.. i cut myself again.. cut cut cut.. the entire arm.. ppl ard mi r worried abt my act.. there're no others way for mi to vent ani anger or destress den to mutilate myself..
i no longer wear tat addidas jacket.. no longer wear tat levis watch.. no longer look at our fotos, no long hug tat piglet wen i slp.. all these.. these r our memory.. even thou i made an effort to do all these, it still cldnt help..

i tried to b as rara as before, but dey all realise tat there r tins holdin mi back n pressin mi down.. dey cld sense the diff. ..

i don like the feelins nw.. i hated it.. .. i enjoyed the days nw.. go sch, finish sch, go hm.. tats all.. nth much.. even if were to find companion, i guess.. i cldnt manage to find ani1.. .. don reli tends to reply ani msg.. ans ani call.. hurts can reli pull ppl back into their old self.. ..

bu yao fan wo.. plz.. can all of u jus get lost.. get out of my sight.. i jus wana b alone.. .. alone.. again i say.. A.. L.. O.. N.. E.. .. ..

i'm sick..

Written @ 11:43 AM

i got As again!!! thx to ms yvonne!!!

i'm back to bloggin.. finally.. hao bu rong yi to lay back my hands on the keyboard.. thx to kor kor.. we both shared money to buy another monitor, he's the one go buy, he's the one carryin back tat big bulky monitor.. yet i paid lesser den him.. thou i don reli like kor kor, but nv did i deny tat he's nice.. .. he reli is.. ..

life was in a mess nw.. i'm sick.. havin severe cough, fever, flu n sore throat.. beri xin ku.. my sickness doesnt onli apply to physical, but emotionally, mentally n spiritually too.. .. been so long so long tat i've last felt so hurt, so down, so out-casted.. like wat ms esther says, 'walkin on an isolated island'.. .. at times wen all was hope was to pin for sum1 to keep mi company, yet dis job seems to b a tough one.. msgin n callin ard.. no1 seems to pick up, no1 seems to reply.. well, even if those tat responded, as predicted.. dey're jus too bz to fork out sum time for a frenz.. .. yup.. n i guess.. tats wat 'frenz' r for.. ..

i've been regular for lessons le.. i've gave up alot of tins.. .. wif lesser burden, i pray wif all my heart tat i will do well.. my effort dint go into the drain.. mths ltr, again i scored As for my physic.. math too.. i've been doin beri well.. thou i hated chem to the core, but there again dawn tried her best to teach mi.. haas.. yes.. i did understand!

i like ms yvonne so much.. tat day she cried leh.. she oreli beri pek cek over a stubborn parent, yet she still tried to tok nicely to her n put on a smile.. hmm.. we were havin dinner 2gether ma.. so aft i finish, i draw a smiley on my lunch box lor.. jus bcuz of tat cute lunchbox tat i had designed, tears roll down her cheeks.. she was touched.. .. haiz.. ms yvonne will gif mi 3 quests to solve frm the bible.. once i finish, i will let her noe the ans, n if i cldnt find, she will reveal the ans to mi n there came her nxt 3 quests.. cool.. frm there i begin to go deeper n more detailed abt bible.. i've learnt new tins!!! mai siao siao hor.. she don ask frm new testiment de.. she ask frm old testiment.. waa.. tough hor..? kees.. but nvm.. haas.. i will solve it!!! oh.. ms yvonne is oso my physic teacher, n tat shld b the reason of mi scorin As? lolx..~

i had been sufferin frm insomnia.. din even slp ytd.. had been slpin at 5am in the mornin for the past few days.. everi1 adviced mi to go see a doc, even my frenz wana pass mi sum slpin pills.. nah.. i don nid all tat..

argh.. i'm reli beri beri sick nw.. the fever jus kip on gg.. haiz.. pray pray pray.. .. .. *pray*

'i had a bad day..'

Written @ 3:12 PM

spiritual level fallin.. fallin deep deep down into pit.. .. sadness, pain, hurts, hatred.. .. hu can eliminate all these in mi.. ..

wats in my mind n heart..

Written @ 2:04 AM

i jus woke up, woke up wif fright n terror.. before i woke up, these r in my mind.. ..

i was in a sch, it suppose to b a cheerleadin event.. den Anil was called out to the front; cannin.. usually cannin will onli b one stroke, but dey cane Anil usin full strength n dey cane non stop.. .. the scene was terrifyin to mi.. it jus reminds mi of hw my dad caned mi.. .. i ran out of the sch hall.. run n run.. teachers were chasin mi.. .. i run up the to flat nxt to my sch n i climb over the fence, sat on it.. i was so unstable.. so so so unstable.. .. coverin my head n was weepin n weepin.. non of the teachers cld get mi down.. .. the scene of Anil bein cane was all in my mind.. i beathe hard.. jus as a pervert killer.. out of sudden, lin appear.. she's the onli one got near mi.. .. she climb over tat railin, spoke to mi n got mi tamed aft a long period.. .. but pictures were still flashin in my mind.. .. jus wen my mum reached, i jumped down.. .. n there.. finally i fling off those shadows in my heart.. the end of life.. ..

sad

Written @ 3:56 PM

wen 1 tin din go well, the other went equally bad.. ..

everitin is bad.. lousy.. terrible.. tons n tons of tins r pressin down on mi.. i cld hardly breathe..

'shut mi in a rm.. let mi scream all tat i wan, till i haf no more voice, i will den fall on the ground n weep.. ..'

Written @ 9:30 AM

had been workin hard all these while.. .. wen we focus too much on a certain tin, we'll neglect our attention on the others.. i'm onli a human.. i cant place my heart at everi point of life..

happened to dig out sum horror n terrifyin news.. RT (the branch i previously work in), is actually huanted.. jia hao, frieda, mi, liang, palani n lucas papa all encountered sumtin.. we heard sounds, chiller's door will open n close by itself, tins will drop n fall for no reason.. n lastly.. tap will on by itself.. .. aft much research, i got to noe tat RT is formally Burger King.. n conincidentally, both nicholas n samuel r the managers of tat store.. before dey sell tat store to Carls Jr, dey oreli knew tat the store is 'dirty', but which seller will eva tell tat to a buyer?.. all along staffs in Burger King practice in burnin offerin n pray durin the hungry ghost festival, hence nth happen.. but wen Carls Jr took over, we din noe tat the place is 'invated' by 'tins', so non of us do anitin.. thus.. weird tins started to shown.. well.. RT closin down soon le.. bcuz of the low sales? or bcuz of the place is huanted? i dono.. let it remain a unsolve question den.. ..

PUREST OF PAIN
I'm sorry I didn't mean to call
but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it
and so I surrender just to hear your voice

I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live with out you
and maybe someone else is standing there beside you
but there's something baby that you need to know
that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

Vida, give me back my fantasies
the courage that I need to live
the air that I breathe
carino mio, my world becomes so empty
my day's are so cold and lonely
and each night I taste the purest of pain.

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day
that it didn't hurt me when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
and deep inside me I feel like I'm dying
I have to see you it's all that I'm asking.

ya.. 'my world becomes so empty'.. .. but nth can stop mi in growin in the Lord.. not of hurts, not of pain, not of disappoint nor anitin..

healin the wounded spirit.. ..

Written @ 5:36 PM

i reli haf no idea hw to deal wif all my hurts.. ..

'Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away'.

the end.. ..

Written @ 3:52 PM

everitin is over.. the end of story.. .. hw sad i m? beri sad.. .. but hu can tell.. ..? its time for us to part.. reli is.. we're not meant for 1 each other.. we're both happier the min we choose dis path.. .. *smile*.. ..

'shui hai ji de shi shui xian shuo, yong yuan de ai wo..
yi qian de yi ju hua shi wo men, yi hou de shang kou.. ..
guo le tai jiu mei ren ji de, dang chu na xie wen rou..
wo he ni shou qian shou, shuo yao yi qi, zhou dao zui hou.. ..'

*sob*

days workin.. ..

Written @ 6:36 PM

haiz.. nw workin in ps, i don even haf the time to lay my hands on the computer keyboard.. i cant stand workin in ps.. i told li lin tat i will finish up my schedule for dis mth n i'll quit.. but the colleugue there r reli nice.. haiz.. i'm jus far too tired.. ps jus open, m i suppose to leave n throw all of dem in lurch? everi1 is tired, not onli mi alone.. argh.. .. dono la..

my days recently hasnt been beri gd.. i got so pissed off.. by fussy customers, by managers, by the job, by the place there.. so small, how to do tins sia.. aniwhere u walk, u bound to knock into sum1 or sumtin.. super pek cek lor.. AHHHH.. ..

ytd was reli bz.. again i work frm mornin till closin.. guess i can hit OT hrs liao.. i got reli turned off tat i jus cant b bothered of anitin animore.. suppose to b dismiss at 8, but not enuf stuff do closin.. so.. volunteered to help dem but i told lawson tat die die i oso haf to leave at 8 to buy tins.. noein tat stuff in bugis beri fast will b gone, i left at 8 n head for bugis specially jus to buy the shirt tat yanglin wanted.. tot of givin her a surprise.. hu noes.. .. is like.. her hp got prob? the msg i send her she onli manage to read half way.. den like she beri unhapi like tat.. blamin mi.. .. haiz.. so sad.. .. but.. nah.. in the end she saw the other half.. she apologised.. but.. .. i mean.. the mood aint there animore.. ..

carryin her shirt, lawson called mi to go suntec collect wrapper.. saw alvin over there... wee!!! he see i carry till so pathetic, he drove mi back to ps!!! not by car, but by his motor!!! yeah!!! my 2nd time sittin on a motor!!! muhahahax~!

2day i work up late.. ya.. again.. din go sch.. met up wif liang for shoppin instead.. bought new clothes, new pants, new necklace n new puma shoes!!! my clothes cost mi $29, pants $168? lolx! shhh~, necklace at $40, shoes at $65 (aft bargain).. aww.. spent so much.. i bought the same shoes for liang too!!! he like it oso ma.. haas.. but diff colour.. den went bodyshop to buy passion fruit body scrub n strawberry body butter.. i buy bcuz.. .. it smells gd!!! lolx!!! saw yu zhi n sandy b4 headin for workin.. dey were rushin for wenting's concert at esplanade.. woo..

went to work aft tat.. haiz.. doin closin again.. washin tins half way, nic was sayin 'waa piang! last time i don even haf to wash charbroiler lor!!!' (charbroiler is the BIG n BULKY machine for grillin patty).. n while i was washin hard on the bit n pcs of the charbroiler, i replied 'plz lor.. i'm nw helpin u to wash liao, wat more u expect.. n i tell u, in RT, i don even haf to touch anitin frm charbroiler! NV!!!' .. he diam diam.. jia hao had been washin charbroiler all thses while.. he din even complain nor mumble a single tin.. dis is onli the 1st wk tat nic is washin charbroiler, n he complain so much.. =.=" aft work lawson treat us supper at china town.. haas.. cool.. he got influence by mi? lolx! he's gettin more n more generous! wakaka!!! reached hm at 3am plus aft eatin.. so full.. *burp*~

i'm reli reli worn out oreli.. workin in ps reli kills.. dis wk aint a gd wk for mi.. it aint.. .. finally i'm off for tml n thursday.. FINALLY.. ..

goto slp le.. sooo sooo sooooo tired.. wen i din catch enuf slp, i tend to get beri pek cek.. so b clever, DON TOK to mi wen my face changed!!! argh!!!! i'm gg to strungle u!!!

if he cld jus b a little more mature n understandin, i wld b happier.. i nid to work, not tat free as u imagine to msg u everi nw n den.. plz understand tat..

so bz.. so tired..

Written @ 4:25 PM

woo.. so many days nv blog.. finally laid my hands on my precious keyboard..

i was so so so so so (x100000000) BUSY n TIRED!!! everiday the average hrs of mi workin was 10hrs a day for the entire wk!!! can u imagine tat? workin 10 in the mornin n end work at 1am plus.. in PS, there's no such tins call ON TIME.. lets say i suppose to end work at 8pm, i can onli go at 9 plus.. no choice.. alots of customers, yet little staff.. not onli mi, the rest of my colleugues sacrificed demself too.. all of us were like walkin zombies nw, walk stiffly wif a blank look on our face.. wat to do? argh.. i thx God for the strength, allowin mi to substain on.. if not most prob i'll oreli b dead in PS.. PS sales won MS! means wat? proven tat we're reli busy lor!!! nw PS sales is the highest, everitin mus go by proceedure.. management ppl always cum down.. cannot ka po food to eat.. aww.. workin there is fun..everi1 seems so XL n dao, but dey're reli nice aft tokin to dem.. i reli cant stand the workin methods n workin hrs.. if dis conts, i'll b quittin soon.. ..

jus dis wk alone, i earned more den 200 overs.. wats more wen its a mth??? haas.. the cumin mth i can buy wat i wan le!!! wee!!! i wan new hp n new shoes! like tat onli.. haas.. i beri easy contented de.. i don reli nid anitin else.. wateva tat i wan, money cant buy dem.. ..

'my presence was felt at the place where u exist'.. .. dis is my msn nick.. it means sumtin to mi.. if 1 day i cld x b contacted, cld x b found, will ppl den realise my presence..? or wld dey not even realise ..? hmm.. i dono.. i haf no idea if others nid mi, but certainly, i nid dem.. .. 'if luv doesnt cost, luv is lost'..

i've told bro tat i wld wan to go sun svc instead of sat.. hmm.. sat i can work? haiz.. well, its all rubbish.. jus don feel like joinin cg mems for svc.. hence.. such decision was made.. ..

nw all i noe is to work n work.. no entertainment no nth.. jus work.. i wan to earn alot of money.. i'm not sum1 tat is materialize, but money is all i see in my eyes nw..

tml i'm workin at 8 in the mornin.. goto slp nw.. bye..