My love for you sank to the bottom of the ocean..

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Photo of the Day

Lost in love..

Wishlist

Here are the items!
~~1) Itouch~~
~~2) Skull Candy~~
3) Fred perry button shirt
~~4) Watch~~
5) Gucci wallet
~~6) Crumpler sling bag~~
7) Skaters Cap
8) Digital Camera
~~9) Clothes~~
~~10)White shoes~~
11)Accessories (tie, bowtie, brouch, vest etc..)

Written @ 4:48 PM

PDA spoiled.. lousy PDA.. nw i goto use tat lousy samsung fone.. everitin so lousy.. haiz.. fone wif joanne, all my nums wif joanne too.. cannot contact anione.. thx God i remembered nums of mems n those tat r close to mi, if not i sure die at hm without anione's noein de.. .. haas.. ..

met joanne jus nw pass her ear pcs n charger.. haiz.. tot she can tame her PDA, hu noes.. she cant.. sianz..

dey gg company D&D 2day.. felt so much to msg her to apologise.. wif my fone in my hand, the msg is there, typed.. but.. no courage.. n moreover, i had oreli apologised.. if she reli doesnt wan to accept it.. den.. forget it ba.. .. its ok.. ..

'and God will wipe away everi tears frm their eyes; there shall b no more death, nor sorrows, nor cryin. there shall b no more pain, for the former tins have passed away..' Rev 21:4

ministerin song.. here it goes.. ..

'i have come to bow down
at ur feet Lord Jesus
in ur presence there is fullnes of joy..

there is nth there is no one
to compare with you
i take pleasure in worshippin
i take pleasure in worshippin
i take pleasure in worshippin
you Lord.. ..'

*weep*

Written @ 1:43 PM

i not feelin well.. ton till lack of slp i guess.. exams cumin le, i cannot afford to b sick.. but nw kip on sneezin, had been sneezin since ytd.. i slpin soon le.. beri beri beri tired.. 'God, heal mi..' even nw i'm typin, my eyes abt to close oreli..

my hse got no more medicine.. sianz.. argh~ guys, pray for mi ba..

Written @ 8:36 AM

exams r cumin.. i'm stress.. reli stress.. dis is the first time tat i exposed n admit myself to b stress.. broke down.. reli broke down.. i nid ppl to remind mi constantly tat i can do it.. i nid encouragement, motivations.. not all the force, orders n command..

frankly speakin.. i hated gg cell, i hated gg svc.. y m i always so quiet nw a days? bcuz i don find a nid to tok to those ppl ard mi.. all falsehooder, liar, faker.. but there again, i cldnt bring myself to harden my heart, God is innocent, He is gd.. times n again, e tot of changin cell strikes mi.. hw much can i grow in dis cell? hw much can i grow in other cell?.. i cldnt get an ans.. neither do i disappoint bro.. he's the sheperd, we r all his sheeps.. each n everi lost sheep to him is a blow.. i luv bro.. my luv for him is jus as much as his luv for us.. i tried not to focus on ppl ard, yet i cant achieve it.. bro helped mi out alot in my life.. i don wish to cum n go n take him for granted.. i dono wat to do.. i reli dono wat to do.. .. ..

listenin to xiao shuo nw.. JJ reli has a nice voice.. listenin to him will feel relieve.. perhaps tats the luv towards our idol ba.. haiz.. *smile*

was tonnin wif liang ytd nite.. havin laptop n PDA in my hand wif super simple wear.. den ppl ard r like starin n starin.. dey mus b tinkin 'waa.. dis gal so rich sia.. student onli but carry laptop n PDA..' lolx~ jus wana tell the rest, both the lappy n the PDA belongs to joanne.. haas..

broke my record ytd.. ppl always make a din over walkin the dist of ard 2 bus stops.. wats the big deal??? i walked 2 MRT stops ok!!! nah.. ez link no money.. thus walk.. liang walk wif mi.. but wen we reach terah merah, we den discovered tat my ez link actuli still contain 10 cents!!! haiz.. nvm.. take it as as excerise.. but reli beri tirin.. haas.. sweatin all over wen i reach bedok.. oh.. met sandy at bedok.. kees.. so qiao~

i go eat first.. nw is oreli 4 plus.. yet i haven even eat anitin.. i'm so hungry lor.. hmm.. but its ok.. 1st of nov both liang n i will b gg on a 21 days fast.. take it as a trainin nw.. haas.. wonder if i can take it.. by God grace, gif mi the strength to go thru the 21 days ba.. guess i will b a bamboo stick wen i return.. lolx~ bring mi hm for dryin clothes k? haas..

k la.. see if there's anitin to b blog tonite.. if no den perhaps will blog again tml.. =)

Written @ 5:17 PM

outside nw usin lappy.. make everitin short n simple..

#1 went cell n svc 2day..
#2 wear new shirt
#3 got lappy frm joanne
#4 she changed fone wif mi.. my V3x to her PDA.. =(
#5 make yanglin angry.. (guess so)
#6 had a face black day..

aft all.. i'll narrow my day into 2 words.. NOT HAPI..

k.. tats all.. goto study le.. *mug mug mug*

Written @ 12:32 PM

had supper wif liang ytd nite.. suprisingly he had money.. n he went 'din go out for the entire wk, thus haf money..' .. i said 'hmm.. i'm opp.. din go out the entire wk bcuz i DON haf money..' .. haas.. yup.. hw to step out of my hse without a single cent in my ez link? haas.. liang bought mi laksa, fish ball soup, n hockien mee oso.. waa.. so full.. din reli eat anitin for the whole day, heng liang came.. thx~!

got alot of 'new' clothes.. erm.. tats a nice sayin isnt it? dey're actuali abandoned clothes frm tat mad cow.. he threw all away.. i'm a chin cai person., those clothes still seems wearable to mi, hence i pick dem up.. if u guys see mi wearin those 'abit-weird', 'abit-manly' n 'abit-old' shirts, jus wana xclaim, dey aint mine.. ..

i can close my eyes to tins tat i don wana see.. but i cant close my heart to tins tat i don wana feel.. God created us to b wif emotions.. not emotional, nor emotionless.. guess gettin our emotion rite is one of the toughest tin we can eva do.. teach mi sumbody.. teach mi to handle emotion well..

i feel like tonnin again.. bein at the breezy beach in the coolin nite is jus so great.. all the strong wind will blow our unhapiness away.. blow blow blow~

my heart is wonderin away.. esther, guard it well plz..

Written @ 1:18 PM

had been at hm for days studyin n doin all my orders.. was rather sad wen i ruined teng's shirt.. little did i xpect tat the paint will smudge, n there it is, here n there.. crackin my brain n tinkin abt wat cld b done to save my art pcs, haf no choice but to do wif the effect of splashin paint.. the shirt looks messy.. it reli does. spare mi plz.. it was an accident.. due to tat, i was kind of demoralise.. thus wen i touch on honey's shoes, my hands kip on shiverin.. i was so afraid to ruin the art pcs again.. but as wat bro says, 'rather den focusin on wat had been done, y don we focus on wat cld b done?'.. true.. i completed honey's shoes.. she like it alot.. finally lighten the load in my heart..

perhaps i'm havin too high xpectation for myself.. but to mi, once an art pcs is shown out to others, yet if their remarks wasnt 'WOW', the painter had oreli failed..

sorida leavin s'pore soon.. once she leave, she'll nv b back again.. .. there's a feel of sour n bitterness in my heart upon hearin tat.. thou i'm rather angry wif her, but rem those days we had 2gether.. it reli saddens mi.. .. i offered to meet up wif her aft my o's.. but she herself wasnt even sure if she'll still b ard aft my o's.. ..

sumbody is attached.. mixed feelins flow within the inner of mi.. he left church.. but well.. tats his decision aft all.. all the best to him..

guess at dis time.. onli laveen listens to mi.. be it abt church stuff or even ani prob.. at times, we jus nid sumone to entertain us, listen to us.. its jus a simple job.. but hu can reli do it well?.. sumbody, tell mi tat i do exist plz.. tell mi tat i'm appreciated.. tell mi tat dis is a world worth livin for.. tell mi tat all my mems r nice.. tell mi tat i can b more understandin.. tell mi n tell mi plz..

Written @ 5:23 AM

lolx.. i'm a successful person.. kees..

woo.. my tag box is gettin overwhelmin.. lolx~ all of a sudden got so many ppl taggin.. muhaha.. gd sign or bad? n tat perlie.. i don even noe hw can she find mi!!! aww.. she's great man~ haas.. lookin at her blog, all her fotos so cute.. wif kai li n jen.. wakaka.. dis few days i nv take fotos.. hmm.. will upload sum soon..

meetin sandy ltr.. she cumin bedok.. not to find mi of cuz, but to meet jac n collect back her report bk.. well.. since she's oreli at bedok, kees.. u guys mus understand tat she'll miss mi.. LOLX~! thus.. yeah.. will b meetin her ltr.. (wat m i crappin sia..) goto mug for my exams.. no choice but to call her to accompany mi study.. tats a borin job isnt it? sittin there doin nth n stare blankly at sumone hu is studyin.. but.. she agreed.. haas..

Laveen wana meet mi to study at 2.30.. hmm.. he's abit late.. haas.. his msg is rite aft sandy.. haas.. if not guess i'll b meetin laveen instead le.. too bad~ but nxt time la.. will haf chance de.. Laveen drives~ woo~ haas.. i wan a spin!!!

suppose to meet liang at 12 de.. but.. he put mi aeroplane.. haiz.. he goto go work last min.. well.. 2day double pay.. hmm.. n as a frenz, shldnt mi b understandin? yeah.. thus i din say anitin but to let him go.. money to him is impt at dis period of time, hence the more i tink he shld go work rather den meetin mi..

argh.. i'm so hungry.. go cook magie mee.. kees.. tat is wat i've always been eatin.. cheap ma.. $1.95 for 5 packets.. rather den $3 for a meal.. hey hey.. i'm jus bein thrifty ok! kees.. m i too thrifty? hmm.. not reli.. time to spend, i will.. =)

i've got alot to tins to pay off.. yet buildin fund is cumin.. i reli trusted God tat i can fulfill the amount given dis time round.. haiz haiz.. guard my heart~ ..

Written @ 7:49 AM

changed a new blogskin.. it spent mi abt 4-5 hrs doin it.. lousy webbie.. those skin tat dey provide all sot sot de, thus i re-do n re-do n re-do.. =.=" finally got dis one.. still not as bad.. din wan goong's blogskin at the beri 1st place.. was searchin high n low for deathnote's blogskin.. well.. i got quite a num! erm.. all sot sot too.. >=(

took a long break frm bro.. reason to him? due to exams.. ppl r feelin a little surprise.. 'esther took break for exams? 1st time leh!'.. true.. nv did i skip svces nor cell jus bcuz of exams.. well.. obviously, tat wasnt reli the main reason of my break.. the truth? i jus wana kept it to myself..

was feelin rather vex over tins.. i simply cannot understand y certain ppl open their mouth within filterin thru their head.. n worse still.. some can reli falsehood demself, puttin an act infront of us.. wats wif dem man?? its reli scary to haf such ppl ard..

fought wif tat stupid mingwei.. well.. i don tink tat i'm wrong.. jus lazy n haf no such time to entertain childish ppl like him.. my theory is tat simple.. both parties buay song, den don tok! y bother to tok so much den? i don take ur act, neither ur sucky attitude!

In celebratin of weijing n yuzhi's bdae, we went plannin wks ahead for an outing.. ytd was the day, yet yuzhi din turn up.. all bcuz of tat gal.. sick.. went to watch deathnote in the grand cathay.. hmm.. not bad not bad.. reli beri grand.. lolx~ if not y call it grand cathay? wakaka~ sat behind mi was a stupid guy.. kip on fidgetin abt, kickin my chair.. feel like strungglin him sia.. the show was gd.. but i tink the anime was beta! opps~ haha.. we played pool as well.. argh~ my nail chipped off.. aww.. my precious nail~

in TV, dey randomly pull ppl on the road n ask 'hu painted the portray of monalisa?'.. waa.. almost none can ans.. y don dey ask mi! its by leonardo davinci!!! watch liao oso pek cek sia..

guys, plz read up ur bible.. in revelation, it does written tat the world will b ruled by anti christ for 7 yrs.. all christians will b havin 7 yrs of tribulations.. its reli tough.. jus imagine everi1 ought to haf the '666' tattoo on ur body in support for satan, wen we go macdonals or aniwhere, we goto show ur tattoo before we can buy anitin.. by tat time, hu will still stand firm for God? but worry not.. it is written tat God is the final winner.. He will take us wif Him for tat 1000 yrs.. .. amen..~

hw can one's faith b wavered so easily? cant dey rem the first luv? well.. but i can always understand the reason for ppl hu wana backslide.. its never due to God as their reason, but ppl ard dem.. guys, buildin fund is cumin.. guard ur heart!!!

'God, i pray for wisdom, pray for u to sharpen my mind durin my study period.. i pray upon gd results tat enables mi to enter poly.. Lord i pray for peace duin everi paper, let mi not get nervous but to complete the papers wif confidence. Let mi b a shining testimony dis time round to glorify u..

Buildin fund is cumin, Lord i pray tat everi mems will spend everi single cent wif a second tot, anoint dem to spend their money wisely.. Lord, let dem gif wif a open heart, for in ur word u say 'freely to gif freely to receive'.. i pray o Lord tat u'll pour down ur blessins like nv before to everi single giver hundreds n a thousand fold, bless dem as onli u can.. '

prayer makes wonder.. there's always so many tins to b pray abt everiday.. but hw many mems reli pray? or shld i put it in another way.. hw many mems does reli pray regularly? let not ur heart stop poundin upon seein n hearin the ans..

i wana watch silk.. but.. haiz.. no time, no money.. sianz.. nvm.. nxt time buy VCD to watch.. cheap n can watch again n again n again.. well, i'm not a cheapskate ok! jus bein thrifty can~

ahhh.. cant help.. but i reli miss mui!!! tat nutz gal.. she snatched my light!!! look at her blogskin!! ahhh!! ang mui mui!!! u!!! return mi my light!!! haiz.. i'm jus crazy over deathnote.. y is the anime so slow sia.. now onli release till episode 3.. i'm still waitin for episode 4!!!

erm.. don feel like writtin ani longer as tat mad cow is at hm.. meetin liang for dinner ltr.. he went out wif a gal to vivo city n got caught red handed by raine! wakaka!!! he jus called mi to whine n complain.. lolx!

nw tokin to ms yvonne.. shuttin down my com soon.. feel like slpin.. shall take a short nap n wen i wake up, it shld b the time to meet liang..

Written @ 4:48 PM

Today was initially my last day of sch in chec.. i went to sch as promise to dora.. a yr had pass within a blinkin moment.. time flies..

we standby our cameras n poor teachers were our target.. lolx~ well.. there're hundreds of us, so.. guess the teachers had a hard time smilin? wen reaches the last student, erm.. most properbly the teachers will haf a crampy face.. wakaka.. took fotos wif ms sally, ms tiffy n ms clara.. aww.. my fav teacher ms yvonne was havin lesson, thus i goto gif it a miss takin foto wif her..

dis is ms tiffy.. my geo teacher.. so swt..~

dis is ms clara.. my mentor.. erm.. she don usually look dis way?

our chem teacher.. ms sally..

dora, chris n i headed to esplanade for fotos session!!! wakaka.. guess u guys will b luffin out real loud upon lookin at all the fotos we took.. here it goes!!!

wats wif dis gal sia.. *sniff sniff*

'i blif i can fly..~'

stupid gal! let go will u!!!

Dora!!! hw cld u!!!

wakaka.. n nw is my turn..~ *giggle*

dis pic is nice.. y? cuz cannot see his face!!!

Chris the merlion..

Dora the merlion..

Esther the merlion..

we took turns in drinkin the 'water cooler'..

chris..

Dora's turn..

kees.. my turn to drink! ahh..

ultimate poses..

ultimate poses 2..

wonderwoman n superman..

aww.. swt mi n dora wif tat weird lookin merlion..

haas.. had a great time 2day.. i will mis u guys n tats sumtin for sure.. let's all work hard for our o's n see each other in poly nxt yr!!!

Written @ 4:30 PM

had o lvl practical exams dis mornin.. there're so many shift, so many time slot, so many class, so many sub, coincidentally i met weixian again.. wif his presence, i'm nv alone.. we sat 2gether thruout.. hrs seems decades to mi wen we're put in the holdin area.. thx to him.. he kip mi occupied.. pratical was EASY.. other den the last quest of crystalization, guess there's nth else for the marker to penalise on.. 'well done esther!'.. i'm reli tryin my best in dis time round's exam.. i cant afford to fail.. i wan to go poly.. its a MUST.. don diminish n dampen my desires! no one can do it! weixian said tat i'm gona make it! yes i can.. yes!!!

went hm catch back my slp.. took a nap n woke up in the evenin.. prepared n took bus to harbourfront to meet bro n the rest.. jus the few of us.. feel so great.. we fellowship wif a new enviroment.. VIVO CITY!!! well.. dis is not the 1st time tat i went to vivo city, but tat beautiful scenary jus caught all of my attention..

foto abit dark.. no choice.. its outside n its at nite.. lolx~

still rem mummy used to tell mi 'ur drawin is terrible! ur singin sux! ur dancin cannot make it!' but nw.. i had my own design business, my vocal is one of the 'not bad' ones in cell n i'm a poppin freak.. so.. maximise ur potential!!! no one is born a failure..

i wan a total debth free life.. thus nw.. i decided to clear ALL my bills.. even those tat i've been escapin for long.. don ask mi abt the amt.. its HUGE.. i dono hw m i suppose to pay it off.. but i m tryin.. i kip on askin God wat m i suppose to do.. i'm all wif fear n heavy loads in my heart.. cryin n cryin is the onli tin i'm best in rite nw.. guess God's sad upon seein mi in such state.. wif a soft voice i heard 'fear not for i'm wif u..' i nid to turn in early for 2day's exam, yet i cant slp.. kept on tinkin abt all the tins.. i prayed.. 'PHOOM~' He gave mi the peace.. i dozed off immediately.. He's all tat i haf.. i ask God 'dis is not the first time u've been 'savin' mi frm such tins.. i pray for it to b the last, but still i nid a miracle frm u.. will u still help mi Lord? r u gg to leave mi in lurch n forsake mi dis time round.. ..?' for sure it had been hard on God.. but times n again, He performed miracle for mi at tat urgent n crucial moment.. He's jus great.. if i can feel n touch God physically, i wana hug Him tite.. real tite.. ..

i'm strivin for dis last period.. dis is my last chance of obtainin gd results.. i'm rather pessimistic n inferior over my grades yet i goto cling on to the fact tat i mus TRY.. i nid motivations.. sumbody help~ no more slackin, no more hrs of computin, no more lazin ard, no more shoppin, no more no more n no more!!! revision is all i haf to do.. recently jus too much stress addin upon mi.. i'm breakin down soon.. weary~ 'bear it thru esther.. the dark valley will pass soon..' it certainly will.. ..

Written @ 5:04 AM

ahhh!! i'm nw leadin a debth free life! i've cleared my bills!!! praise the Lord!!!

i still haf my last $80 to pay.. paid usin SAM machine jus nw.. n straight aft i've made my payment, i call the starhub customer care to check for my balance.. supposely once i've paid the $80, the termination fee of $500 plus will automatically b wave off.. but wen i called, the person actually told mi tat the due date is up, i ought to pay for the termination fee n i cannot get back the line!!! i got all shocked n feared concurrently.. i was prayin n prayin n prayin.. argh~ but the consultant was rather nice.. cuz the due date was jus a few days b4.. she ask for my num n claim tat she'll call mi back within 3 days as she nid to get to the finance department to check if i can still get back my line.. 3 days u noe.. ppl hu r put on waitin, their patients doesnt seems to b of high lvl.. i was all worried.. but she called jus ard 10mins ltr! tellin mi tat i can get my new simcard at ani of the customer care center.. wakaka!!!

i can get back my line le!!! !! woohoooo!!!~

Written @ 3:05 AM

i slept at nearly 4 ytd dis mornin.. i was bothered, heavy-hearted.. wif tears in eyes, i finally brought it up to bro.. it was a long msg frm mi to him.. all my bitterness n dismal flows.. bro replied.. i can feel his upsetness too.. he called mi 3 times, yet i stare blankly at my fone n not pickin it up.. he send another msg to mi.. 'so u don wana tok to bro animore..?' the min i read tat, my tears flows like an open tap.. all he cld was to apologise..

perhaps i'm reli too childish.. i told him 'at times, i wish tat i can b in ur shoes so as to haf a beta understandin of ur work..' i'm still a complainin n whinin kid.. wat do i exactly wan frm bro, i do not noe either.. not for him to quit his job, not for him to disband one cell, the more not of him steppin down as a cgl.. but these r the alternative frm him, onli den he can fork out more of his time for us.. these r not wat i wan.. i'm too selfish.. indeed i m.. certainly i'm not the onli one tat feels upet of bro's absence, but ultimately i'm always the baddie tat voice it out..

tml is my o lvl pratical.. exams is cumin.. reality always hit ppl to sense.. *muggin*

Written @ 3:15 PM

guess 2day was the first time in my life tat everione ard mi say tat i'm pretty.. went Carls Jr to find liang as well as to return uniform.. erm.. everi1 was like 'WOW! u changed alot! u're so pretty!'.. wat else can i say other den 'thx u..' haas.. den everione go ask liang abt it.. 'esther got bf isit? hw cum nw so pretty sia!'.. no matter hw many times liang deny for mi, but dey still don blif.. lolx~

went to sch to wait for dora n the rest.. ermm mm mm... everi1 was like.. starin at mi? lolx~ dey cant seems to take their eyes off mi.. the word 'pretty' flew here n there again.. haas..

had dinner at newyork newyork.. well.. the food okok onli la.. not reli tat nice as i tot it will b.. we're all on the foto craze~ wakaka.. took so many fotos lo.. here r sum fotos tat we took!

pat said tat my make up skill is not bad.. lolx~ she aint the first one sayin so.. but too bad.. i don like make up!! !!

had lots of un 2day.. it had been a long time since i felt so hapi.. bt hapi moment onli lasted for tat few hrs, reality strikes mi wen i reached hm..

the doors of my heart is so shut.. hw can i open it.. i tot i was doin well.. but i aint.. buildin fund is cumin.. i'm 'raisin'.. i cant afford to slide backwards nw.. i wan to tok to bro.. but.. where is he.. there're jus too much tins tat i don haf a chance to say.. bro gave mi the chance tat time, but i din noe hw shld i put it.. it was always an accumulation of tins.. times n again, wen i onli touched on one of issue, he tot it was all.. he stopped there.. so do i den..

'luvin u is the hardest tins to do.. luvin u cost a bomb.. luvin u nids courage.. luvin u requires sacrifices.. luvin u takes my time.. luvin u mainly occupied my life.. i noe u always luv mi.. but i haf no more idea hw shld i luv u.. the luv dwindled.. i felt the vast pain right nw.. a prolong sharp pain tat lingers in my heart.. i don wan such tins to cont.. decision goto b made.. to b in, or to b out.. will u still luv mi if i leave u? wats wif the diasppointment in mi.. it had been nearly 3 yrs.. times n again i had such feelins.. again n again it happened.. i dono wat to do animore.. tell mi wat to do plz.. ..'

Written @ 3:33 AM

has my passion dies off? or is it jus disappointment tat drift mi away? tons n tons of questions flashin acrossin my mind.. is cell a home? or a hotel? is fellowship a mus? or is tat optional? r mems ur frenz? or r dey merely ur mems? sumbody.. ans mi plz..

who to blame? no one.. even our own CGL is like dis.. havin fantasizin n wonderous reasons of their absence no longer interest mi.. we wan physical presence, we wan quality time.. a fellowship session will nv b complete without either of tat.. fellowship is not havin a plate of rice, a bowl of noodle or even a cup of drink, sittin there, gobblin up, den tats it.. leave.. its not! who can understand tat its not!!!

thou disappointed, yet i haf no such strength n effort to touch on abt tat animore.. 'repeated actions separates frenz'.. haf mi a spiritual jab plz.. i seriously nid tat urgently..

had dinner wif liang at bedok inter.. hmm.. the curry was reli nice.. we both had been cravin over curry for wks n finally we can haf it ytd! wejing called, askin if we wana go bishan to meet ping n him to buy yuzhi's bdae present.. we went.. had fun over there.. haas.. but certain tins happened tat diminished n press down the entire atmosphere.. not a word to b mention..

will b meetin dora n the rest for dinner at new york new york.. don intend to go actuli.. wats the point of gg without a single cent in my wallet.. but dora was rite.. she said 'esther.. i oso no money.. but by gg there makes alot of diff.. its a gatherin.. jus go n we'll take fotos 2gether k?'.. yup.. thus ltr i wil b wearin till super nice n wif make ups on to meet dem.. dora claim tat we'll b havin CRAZY SHOTS session.. haas.. *lookin forward*

sun its the celebration of weijing n yuzhi's bdae!!! *clap clap* we'll all gg out to haf fun.. haiz.. liang is like wan to go, den don wan to go.. well.. if so indecisive, mite we well don go.. =.=" will b watchin 'deathnote'.. wakakaka!!! so xcited!!! *jump jump* but due to the limitation financially, catchin a show is our ONLI entertainment on tat day.. *sad*

losin hope is buildin a dyin heart.. but wat can make tat heart cum alive..?

Written @ 8:43 AM

i'm gettin insane.. feelins r all within my heart.. .. even ppl tat i'm not close with can sense tat kinda feelins in mi.. yet.. my reply will always b 'no ar.. i'm ok.. (wif a smile)'

God, hear tat cry of mine.. ..

Written @ 9:31 AM

TAKE ME DEEPER

THERE IS A LONGING
ONLY YOU CAN FILL
A RAGING TEMPEST
ONLY YOU CAN STILL
MY SOUL IS THIRSTY LORD
TO KNOW YOU AS I'M KNOWN
DRINK FROM THE RIVER
THAT FLOWS BEFORE YOUR THRONE

TAKE ME DEEPER
DEEPER IN LOVE WITH YOU
JESUS HOLD ME CLOSE IN YOUR EMBRACE
TAKE ME DEEPER
DEEPER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE
I JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE
HOW I LONG TO BE DEEPER IN LOVE

SUNRISE TO SUNRISE
I WILL SEEK YOUR FACE
DRAWN BY THE SPIRIT
TO THE PROMISE OF YOUR GRACE
MY HEART HAS FOUND IN YOU
A HOPE THAT WILL ABIDE
HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE
FOREVER SATISFIED

dis was one of my fav song.. .. it was last durin last yr emerge tat we sang dis song.. philips sang it well wif his excellent guitar skill.. onli wen it was sang by philips, i can den feel the presence n anointin.. who can sing it wif 'feelin'? sumone.. sing it to mi plz.. ..

Written @ 3:08 AM

its sounded quite nice wen we touch on abt partnership.. but.. it aint.. it seems more like our own business.. she do her, i do mine.. she earn hers, i earn mind.. even before we proceed wif our 1st order, she oreli stated the money distripution clearly.. well.. i told her.. i do it for passion, not over money.. she wans it, take it all.. i don gif a damn.. n if she if she promised bro abt the 2 pairs of bdae shoes, den she go do it lor.. don cum to mi..

promises broken 1 aft another time.. dint yuan told us tat bro will b havin luch wif us ytd? well.. wen bro chase us out of his hse like he usually did aft cell grp, i asked him.. 'bro, arent u suppose to haf lunch wif us 2day?'.. n he ansed 'erm.. well.. i suppose to.. but.. ..' before he cld even finish, i walked off.. i hated the world BUT.. means wat? BUT = NO.. means he aint joinin us lor! even aft svc too.. out of the 10 times, guess he's onli ard for 1 time.. wat is fellowship without the CGL??? imagine Jesus wasnt ard, u tink the dicisples will fellowship? if dey do, dey wun always b involvin in fights liao lor!!! bro wanted us to perform out best durin cg evaluation.. no matter hw loud of the 'amen' we said, he jus wasnt satisfied.. but wat bout him? he can haf expectation for us, all we wan is to haf a meal wif him.. is tat so hard to b achieve? one meal onli take hw long of his time? if he cannot achieve, den in tat case.. y mus we hit his expectation den.. its all abt forkin out time.. if he can claim tat he's bz n not join us for fellowship, everione can use him as example, not gg for fellowship due to all sorts of 'buziness'.. he's not the onli one tat is bz.. all of us r.. i tried my best to deceive myself tat bro is always there for us, but this lie doesnt carry far.. he aint..

i enjoyed tokin to joanne.. i enjoyed tokin to mui mui.. to tai tai.. dey're my original cell mems.. joanne always not ard due to work.. mui n tai foreva servin.. i hardly even get to c mui.. ya.. i did.. almost everiwk.. on stage lor.. cg had grown.. moren more mems came in.. bro grew n rose as well.. nw his a zone sec.. everitin gd or bad? sounded gd.. but if i were given a chance to choose, i wanted time to b rewind.. i wan the little cosy cell we used to haf.. i wan my luvin, carin bro to do follow up always.. can tat b done? no.. no no no..

lin call mi to use my money wisely.. well.. i do noe tat i shld.. i m oreli.. but guess she don reli understand hw much tins i've goto pay off.. i still goto help liang in clearin his bills too.. but aft all.. i reli thx n appreciated her.. she always squeeze money to mi even thou i din wan it.. i cant b thrifty animore.. cuz.. i'm oreli too thrifty to go ani futher.. i reli reli reli din anihw spend my money.. .. ..

gg new york new york wif dora, pat, pris, raine n jeanie dis cumin tue.. hmm.. din eat new york new york b4.. wanted to try it all along, but din haf the money to.. dis time round is a so-called gatherin for us.. fri is the last day of sch le.. aft we graduated frm chec, i dono if we still rem one another.. thus, despite no money, i still try my best to save as much as poss to haf dis dinner wif dem.. i reli luv dora.. she's jus always there to make mi hapi, to cheer mi up.. she's the onli 1 tat i can rara n play wif till the max.. times n again, her msges came in jus to let mi noe tat i'm not forgotten by her.. she's rich, yet she doesnt carry those pride n attitude.. she's a frenz tat everione wld yearn for.. thx dora..~

ltr gg town to find jo to get laptop.. oso dono hw to she use.. can own the broadband bills till $600 over.. den nw she cannot go online, line kena cut.. n i'm always out, but got alot of tins to do.. so borrow frm her lo..

aft gettin lappy frm her, i gg to find liang.. mayb wait for him to dismiss frm work? nah.. dono.. c 1st ba..

kk.. tats all ba..

Written @ 3:35 PM

was out wif jas for both days.. erm.. haas.. well.. wat u wan mi to say neh..? (frm my tone oreli noe i not beri hapi).. shld not say in detail.. yup.. we're settin up our little business on customization.. we've drawn both shoes, one by jas n the other by mi.. not tat perfect, aft all its jus a sample..

plz support us of dis little business tat we're havin ya? nth cost more den $25! its reli cheap! we can draw or customise accordin to oneself's requirement! kees..~

went lin's place dis mornin.. erm.. wana haf a meal together wif her.. haas.. she gg for dentist in the afternoon, so aft which she will not b able to eat, thus.. let her haf a peaceful meal before hand first.. lolx~ she msg mi in the evenin.. waa.. the dentist had her 7 injections!!! den blood still kip on flowin.. ouch~ heng i'm not wif her, if not i sure feel the pain on 'behalf' of her de.. she's so brave.. erm.. shh.. but.. ESTHER DARE NOT SEE DENTIST!!! !!! AHHHHHHH!!! !!! !! haas.. while i'm over lin's place, waa.. she call mi put nail polish for her.. =.=" tat super fussy gal.. i took a REAL long time to finish up.. haas.. hey gal, sayin tat ur nails are ugly aint true ok? i'm jus runnin out of my nai xing! haas.. ur hands look nice~ *smile* hmm.. noein tat u're sick.. haas.. will b prayin for u.. get well soon ya? =)

went vivo city wif liang.. wow.. so BIG.. but alot of the shops haven open neh.. walk walk ard.. the so-called biggest Carls Jr is over there.. but is like.. erm.. okok onli leh.. not reli as big as we tink.. went to harbour front foodcentre to eat.. haiz.. nth much to eat either.. but haha! drank my fav bungdong!!! muhaha!!! *hapi*

hmm.. argh~ bus 65 took 2 hrs to travel frm harbourfront to tampines! my butt almost crack n spilt into half sia! fell aslp on the bus.. haas.. thc God tat my saliva din drip.. wakaka!!!

oh.. my pay cumin in le.. wakaka.. jus nice jeanie call mi go new york new york.. jus the few of us (close frenz).. mi, her, dora, pris n raine.. waa.. wat a GRANT gatherin.. summore she put it in a manner 'jus a dinner onli'.. haas.. beri much i wana go.. but beri ex leh.. sori la.. but esther beri thrifty de.. beri cheapskate oso.. haas.. so go such place mus tink twice one.. =(

God always open doors of opportunities for us.. i always wana thx God for all the chances tat He gave for mi to work on.. He's jus tat gd, tat nice, tat faithful foreva n eva.. He had oreli gave mi the amount for buildin fund dis yr.. i'll try my beri best to achieve it! thou its abit too much for mi, but i blif tat its achievable! yup.. *thrifty thrifty thrifty*~ we move frm glory to glory!!! ahh!!! haha!!~

erm.. tml haf cell grp.. erm.. goto slp soon.. don wana b late.. erm.. aft all.. i'm always early isnt it? lolx~ k la.. shld end of here.. wan an!~

Written @ 3:21 PM

was workin at IMM ytd.. hmm.. sales were gd! n i've got myself a chance to try out the job of MC.. well.. guys, hear my testimony dis cumin wk! u'll b shock hw much ppl offered to hire mi as MC!!! wakaka!!! shh.. its still a secret nw.. wait for dis sat!!! lolx!!~ the ans shall reveal~ hmm.. everi company is fightin over mi rite nw.. but too bad.. i'm not interested..

piang.. early in the mornin at ard 8 plus 9 got woken up by jaslyn.. she goes 'esther! ur hse got plaster ma? can i take frm u? i'm jus under ur blk!!!' well.. can i say no den? abit pek cek.. but.. nah.. not reli angry..

met liang, wan ning n deonne.. went to watch rob-b-hood.. pretty nice show.. last part beri touchin wor~ hmm.. went Yamaha for an interview.. i reli wanted beri much to work there.. but is like.. i don tink ppl there will hire mi.. dey call mi fill up a form, took my ic dono do wat, den call mi leave le.. well.. at least dis is the 1st interview tat dey bother to take my ic for the dono wateva tins dey're doin.. haas.. beri funi hor? ppl hire mi wif high pay, yet i still wana work for Yamaha.. guess its all abt passion.. .. ppl, plz pray for mi! Yamaha, here i cum!~

decided to go paragon to look for joanne.. haas.. nv do i noe tat wei jing is workin in paragon as well!!! haas.. had my dinner wif wei jing, den waited for the both of dem to knock off.. i'm havin a fun time relaxin myself 2day.. but.. erm.. liang was rather bored? lolx~ finally i was availabe.. no sch, no work.. ahhh~ its reli hapi to spend time wif my mems.. wait!!! it onli applies to SOME of my mems..

i always blif in one tin.. 'who i m nw n wat i m 2day, i will nv b the same in the years to cum..'.. i'll make it.. for sure i will.. i wan to earn alot of money.. i wan to shake of the life of hunger n poverty.. life shall nv n will nv b the same..

hmm.. had a new fone recently.. hmm.. but i always change fone isnt it? haas.. dis time round V3X.. ex leh.. *heart pain* ani1 got 3G fone? can try voice callin wif mi.. haas.. wei jing oso got himself a new nokia fone.. joanne too.. O2 PDA fone.. waa.. i beri 'dote' my V3X.. hueva tat drop it or make ani scratches to it, i will SLAUGHTER u~

wa lao.. as usual.. sam n broghton kip on callin n callin mi.. din pick up ani of their calls 2day.. sianz.. but i did reply brighton's msg.. piang.. company like cannot survive without mi sia.. cannot find 1 foto album oso call mi.. argh~ i reli don wana work there animore.. its tiri.. aft all, its jus a lousy job.. but there again.. at times my manager is reli nice to mi.. i dono hw to put it up to him tat i wana leave.. .. wat shld i do.. ..

luvin God is a 'gan gan lai' tingy.. tats wat bro said.. bro oso said 'guard ur heart'.. guess tats the onli tin tat i had not achieved all these yrs.. bro.. thx so much for ur trust, luv n care.. i reli luv havin u as my cgl.. all credit goes to u.. thx bro..~

i'm beri beri beri tired.. my eyes r oreli closin while i'm typin.. shall blog again soon..~ wan an..

Written @ 3:40 PM

din go cell 2day.. it was an accumulation of tins.. but it was more den wat bro n others tot.. .. don find it a nid to say anitin.. so.. ya.. like tat lor..

went for svc.. hmm.. ppl say i slim down? iya.. not the 1st time le.. in sch oso alot ppl say i slim down.. but.. i reli din lor.. still look as fat as before.. *roar*

2day svc was borin.. everitime b4 buildin fund sure haf such sermon de.. sianz~ but aft all, i'm still beri attentive.. but erm.. sandy fell aslp? haas.. she not feelin well.. tats y.. erm.. bro toked to mi aft svc.. heart to heart tok.. bro reli seems so fatherly to mi.. i luv bro soooo much to the xtend whereby i don even noe hw shld i describe it.. he jus understand mi so well.. n each time i was feelin low, there'll always b a certain pharse of his tat unknot tat knot in mi n make mi felt so much of his luv.. i dare not imagine if there'll b a day tat bro is no longer my cgl.. each time wen i tink of tat, i wld stop myself frm tinkin further.. i wan bro.. i luv him.. but of cuz, if God has other beta plan for him, reluctantly, but i wld wan him to fulfill it.. bro.. jia you~

aft svc went fellowship wif mems at long john.. haas.. was hapily takin foto wif lin.. erm.. miracle hor? nah.. she wana bless mi but i don wan, so she say she can take foto wif mi, but i mus take the money.. erm.. haas.. world change liao sia.. still mus FORCE to take blessin de.. lolx!~ but reli.. i'm touched.. thx lin..~

hoo.. liang wana buy mi 512MB memory card n ear pcs.. kees.. at 1st he say wana buy mi the samsung mp3 tat i wanted, but in the end i don nid le.. i onli wan ear pcs n memory card.. everitin cost less den $50, he reli buyin it for mi.. well.. i shall not change fone till it spoiled!!! aww.. everione in the world dote mi so much.. i'm so bliss!!!

waa.. so many ppl teach mi hw to go IMM.. sianz.. tml workin.. goto wake up early.. liang cumin to look for mi aft my work!!! wakaka!!! *hapi*

kk.. nw gg to read yanglin's blog.. den i goto slp le.. so tired..

Written @ 3:25 PM

went sch for prelime practical.. hmm.. was rather satisfied wif my performance, onli tat careless mistakes was spotted.. aft all, it was pretty ok..

suppose to meet chengyee, but erm.. met liang instead.. i mean.. is not tat i don wana meet her, but she onli wans mi to accompany her for lunch durin her break, aft her break time i goto b on my own, n moreover.. i don feel like eatin at all.. both liang n i went for movie.. 'stay alive'.. super nice movie.. it was grose n thrillin.. another MUS WATCH show.. we're waitin for the release of 'silk' n 'the covenant', those previews attracted us! wakaka.. played pool.. pool is always my way of ventin anger n releasin those unhapiness in mi.. liang bought otah for mi! nice.. but alot of bones.. haas..

i cant live without music.. nw i've got no mp3, nor my fone enable mi to listen to music.. days r hard to pass man.. liang said tat he's gg to get mi 1 mp3 for christmas.. i din doubt him dis time.. cuz i blif he reli will.. the wanted to buy the one i like? tat samsung mp3.. haas.. thx liang..

i tot i was sick, havin all the runnin nose n sore throat.. but i wasnt.. dey're jus symtoms of mi not smokin.. miraculously, i found a pack of Marlboro Red abv the atm machine wen i was doin certain transaction.. i had not been smokin for the past 2-3 wks.. thou beri much i wanted to quit, but hu can understand hw tough it can b? my instinct n mind can live without it, but physically i cant.. its jus so terrible.. if smokin is as easy as startin n stopin, i wld b more den willin to do it.. but it isnt.. .. it reli isnt.. ..

i reli dislike certain mems.. n plz.. dis is frm the bottom of my heart.. yet despite dislikin dem, i still goto show my concern n smile to dem as n wen i see dem.. wat is tat.. .. stop actin plz.. i hate to see ppl puttin up a mask infront of mi.. .. don act as thou u wanted my sympathy, it will nv b given to u.. NEVER.. wanted to go for make up cell dis wk.. no reason, simply doesnt wan to go for our own cell.. tats all.. well.. venus n time came in last min, expect mi to rush down to bedok res for dono hueva cell to make up??? wen i say last min, its reli last min.. huiyi msg mi at 5 plus, n the make up cell start at 7.30.. so 'early' lor.. i don blame her.. cuz she claim tat bro onli got to her wif the info at tat time..

went workin ytd.. got scolded like hell.. hw many times i say tat i don wana go for roadshow?? jus bcuz their management wans mi den u guys push mi to dem?? wat m i to u guys den.. i dono where isit even.. leavin mi at a place tat i'm not familiar n wif those ppl tat r NOT frenzly.. i don wan i don wan n i don wan!!! cant u guys see the reluctantness in mi..? y mus u guys force mi to go.. .. y.. ..

havin my last paper tml.. don intend to study, don find it a nid..

Written @ 1:49 PM

PSI again.. argh.. i haf a weak body, den nw the weather like tat, i'm coughin n sneezin everiday.. .. i had a hard time breathin.. ..

went workin 2day.. haiz.. brighton n sam quarrelin again.. i don like to always b trap in btwn dem.. i luv the workin there, yet i don like the alot tins over there oso.. dono hw to put it.. there're far too many tins for mi to endure n tolerate at work, well.. i've learnt to b tolerance n haf more paitients too.. .. argh.. tats besides the story.. ..

Ices wan mi to b at His road show for dis wk end.. His manager n CEO onli wanted me to b there but no other promoter.. thx for their xing shang, but.. i don like workin wif dem.. i'm sori.. but.. cant help.. dey r the suckiest ppl i eva work wif b4..

i haf no idea wat happened.. but last sat.. i scolded a vulgarities out aloud.. real loud.. its rather.. .. sumhw beyond my control.. i scolded beri loudly, yet jus a sec aft, i was like askin myself 'wat u doin???'.. .. i dono.. reli dono.. argh!!!~

so wat if i've grown.. so wat if i'm more sociable.. so wat if i'm doin beta.. so wat n so wat.. i'm nOt hapi.. .. i'm nOt!!!

wats the use of makin a din here.. .. goto ork tml.. tats it..

Written @ 1:48 PM

'ahhh!!! chooo!!!~' haiz.. was sick.. havin flu, fever n severe sore throat.. was rather touched wen sandy bought mi the blueberry lozenges.. she's jus so swt.. hmm.. but mus smile more ma, den can shake away the nick of 'sour prune!!!' haha!!! haiz.. dono y nw a days my body so weak leh.. everi nw n den i will feel giddy.. y huh.. wat if 1 day i fainted at the roadside? haas.. hu will b my 'superman' tat came into rescue?? wakaka.. n my back.. tat time tat car accident cuz my back to ache for a long long time.. everi nw n den my back will pain.. reli beri pain.. argh.. .. oh.. n hor.. opps~ i passed my germs to liang le!!! he's sick nw.. lolx!!!

went to 85 for fellowship.. lolx~ don haf money to eat, thus don wana eat.. i don blif in not havin money yet wantin others to treat.. so.. din touch ani food thou raine bought all the sting rays n satays.. lin too.. i noe she tired her best in wantin to make mi eat.. she even bought xiao man tou! ahhh!!! tat used to b my fav snacks wen i was still a kid!!! haas.. but nah.. i din touch ani.. thx guys.. appreciated it lots.. *smile*

recently alot of ppl complimented mi leh.. hmm.. all touched on my spiritual life tingy.. even bro said the same tin.. haas.. actuali.. i'm still the same isnt it? erm.. perhaps onli my tinkin changed ba.. =)

haiz.. everione ard mi is so poor.. mi too.. i'm poor to the xtreme xtend oreli.. but its ok.. nxt mth will b a beta mth.. i will work hard.. i don wana lead a life of poverty.. i wan my days wif no financial worries.. our pockets r empty but our hearts r filled!!!

wen i was slpin jus nw, God spoke to mi! haas.. can u guys imagine? lolx~ hmm.. i was still half aslp, but sumhw or rather, i knew tat He is givin mi the amt tat i shld pledge for my buildin fund.. hmm.. the amt he gave was.. quite alot to mi leh.. .. but its ok.. i shld titen my belt n work for tat amt!!! God will nv short change mi.. yup!

stayed at hm the entire day 2day.. haiz.. reli not feelin well.. n goto tidy my rm, if not tat mad cow gona show mi his 'colour' le.. washed tons n tons of clothes n finally cleared my 'clothes moutain'.. ahh.. finished tidyin le.. phew~

relationship is not a game.. y cant ppl understand dis simple knowledge.. .. haiz.. angry ar!!! i hate 2 timer!!! do dey noe wat dey're doin?? jus for tat moment of pleasure, dey hurt 2 parties.. argh!!!

everitime i shared testimony abt hw my frenz had touches mi n changed my life.. if dey can do it, i can do the same.. i may b one person to the world, but i may b the world to certain ppl.. we will nv noe.. i wanted to b there for others jus like my frenz did.. i wanted to spare dem my pair of listenin ears weneva dey nidded most.. i don wan to b jus a normal members to dem, but more den tat, a frenz, sumone whom dey can confide n share wif.. God, gif mi the strength to do wat u wan mi to do..

my bz life startin soon le.. prelime abt to end liao.. so.. tat oso means tat i will startin workin oreli.. sori guys.. i hope i can still b there for all of u as much as i can.. .. plz b understandin.. thx..~

oh!!! i took foto wif sista annebel ytd!!! ahhh!!! i was so afraid, she touched mi summore!!! ahhh!!!

look at my face.. argh~ my smile is so mian qiang.. lolx~

k la.. i guess tat all for 2day.. din go out, oso don haf much to write.. haas..