i'm super bu kai xin.
super.

for so long i've been trapped wif all the pain tt u caused.
its reli time to let go.
all dis while,
u don even understand mi a single bit.

u noe too well all tat is visible,
wat i lk,
wat i don.
yet u noe nth tt flows within the inner mi.

perhaps i don understand u too.
but all these doesnt matter to mi animore.
not animore.

i'm tired.
so tired.
lets jus call it off.
will tt do?

*sittin on the slipway,
lookin at the sea.. ..*

din blog for quite sum time.
alot of tins to share actuli,
but wonder y isit tt my mind went totali blank for dis moment.

went for mitin ytd.
the mitin was the longest mitin i eva had.
but it was gd.
detailed,
n we can ask all sorts of Q we wan to clear our doubts.

aft the mitin,
we left for the heritage tour.
all the instructors turned wlid the min we stepped out of the camp.
lolx~
we reli play till the max lvl as we walk frm places to places.
took alot of photos,
but all the photos r in adi's cam.
aww..~
goto hunt him for it.

on the 2nd day of the camp itself,
we're gg to nite safari!
wow~
instructors wun b payin a single cent cuz company pays everitin!
its part of the programme,
so too bad~
weee!!!

jus so xcited for dis camp.
n the camp is drawin near~

aft so long.
i tot i hv no ans to my Q.
till ytd,
1 particular sentence of urs gave mi the ans tt i wanted all along..
u're x mine aft all..
if the ratio of hurt is more den hapiness,
y b tgr den..

tml supper.
i'm so reluctant.
if x for gracina's persuasion,
i don even wish to go.
its meaningless oreli..

tins r stressin mi up recently.
everitin is pushin far off to the end of the edge.
ppl whom r der originally is x der animore.

jan is a super bz mth for mi.
i'll b gettin myself all filled wif camps.
oni in camp,
der isnt ani woris,
ani blues,
ani hard feelins..

if i've cause the pain to u,
u'e cause 10 times more to mi..

we seems to b driftin so far apart..
did u leave?
m i the one tt moved..?
or did we both turned our bck at one another..

i'm drownin.
drowned in a pool of blood tt bleeds frm my heart.

yawn..~
jus woke up.
yes.
i noe clearly tt its late afternoon nw.
cant help but i actuli stayed out whole nite.

met cherry for 'saw IV',
waited tgr for ze ju n dar to dismiss frm wrk,
wft which caught 'doremon'.

aww.
both cherry n ze ju bought my dream creative zen!
argh!
nvm~
i shall buy sum touchscreen mp3.
ROAR!!

took foto wif dar.
tink amg all the fotos we've tken,
i luv dis the most.















kees~ so cute hor~
muhaha..
*giggle*

sang K again.
dis time round wif ping n wejing tt gang.
guess their stamina is x as gd as ze ju n the rest.
so dead.
i'm lk the oni one so hyper,
singin n singin.
while i'm singin,
the rest r slpin..
=.="

celebrated sandy's bade wif a choc swensen ice cream cake~
aww~
of cuz it was contributed by none,
other den the luin dear dear of hers!
CHUA KIM LIANG!
hahaha!~
liang suppose to sing sandy a luv song,
but..
er..
it ended up so NOT romantic leh~
lolx!

aft singin K for sooooo many times,
i've got a revelation ytd.
i actuli sing beta for english songs den chinese ones!!
its ok~
*breathe in*
*breathe out*

ended off the K session wif 'beautiful girl'
haas~
it was nice can!
liang n i sang tgr~
sad to say,
but aft dis song,
liang loses his voice.
hohoho~

reached hm early in the morn ard 6 plus,
changed,
den headed to princess mac wif liang n sandy for breakfast.
da pao bck for daddy n mummy too.
guess wat,
dey r so touched n teared.
*faint*

oh mine oh mine!
i jus goto noe tt min hui n johan r tgr!!!
it was kind of..
shockin??
argh~
my heart almost stop poundin wen i heard of the news~

i tink aft a long period of time soakin myself under the sun,
my complexion worsen.
tryin my best to save it bck.

tinkin of buyin a digital cam for mummy.
she had been wantin it for long.
haas.
but all so ex leh.
cybershot beta rite?
hmm..
will consider.
still a long way to mother's day,
so shld i say,
her bdae too.
muhaha~

erm..
i tink i reli nid a mp3 wif a big big storage memory.
my psp memory runnin low oreli.
sianz.
had been uploadin alot of songs,
had oso been deletin alot of songs.
i tink even 8G oso x enuf lo.
>.<

will b gg bck to camp tml.
haiz.
BORIN~

i'm so hungry.
gg dwn to buy food.
*chao*~

ppl ard mi r all gettin attach.
sum r reli swt,
yet sum got attached for the sake of gettin a spouse.

hw cld luv b so unvaluable.
hw cld feelins b toy.
hw cld memories b so optional.

each attempt of gettin into a new relation,
is a risk of bringin hurt to urself again.
yet y r der ppl hu r willing to tk such risk?

gd guy before my eyes,
yet i wasnt moved.

i do tins my way,
don lk bein constrain,
don lk ppl pokin into my personal affair,
neither m i used accountin my life to sumone.
i simply cant commit.

singlehood may b lonely at times,
but it doesnt affect mi much.
i prefer dis way,
n i enjoy stayin dis way.

yanglin said i look more gal in FBT.
sandy said i slim dwn alot.
did i?
perhaps its jus tt i've been absence for too long before their sight.

went for bbq on fri.
caught up wif ming wei, wei jing, ping n the rest.
cool~
we planned an outin on sandy's bdae which is the 20th to kbox.
haas.
kbox again.
BUT! i'll nv b tired of it!
wee!

christmas is kamin~
*eyes my eyes*
(wish)
i wan the creative zen for present..
sumbody plz~
lolx!

had been hooked on to my psp.
seems lk it's in my hand everi single day.
idoi~
memory insufficient leh..
argh~

r we're tgr?
or r we nt?
don tink so.
yet to even b tgr,
but oreli lk quarrelin everiday.
sianz lor~

in wks to kam,
i'm leavin for KL.
cheapskate rite?
indeed.
but bo bian.
i've reli nv been to malaysia before.
hence even gg to johor,
it excites mi alot.

i'll mk it bck on time for christmas.
n of cuz,
a mk up for liang bdae..
he's mkin a big fuss oreli.
haha~
i left for overseas everi yr on his bade.
sori dude,
but tt wasnt wat i planned for.

oh ya~
lin gave mi a necklace tt day.
nt bad lookin of tt necklace.
thx gal,
i noe u dried n emptied ur pocket for it,
appreciated it alot.
reli.

had bought quite a lot of stuff recently.
nt by mi,
but of cuz bug daddy mummy for all tt la~
kees~

opps~
goto get myself ready le.
gg to fetch mummy sooon.
*chao*~

watched 'the seeker' ytd.
nice show~
but find it too short.

went vivo,
first,
was approached by my nan hua's students.
den,
was approached by teck whye students
haiz..
instructors majiam celebrities sia.

went to woodland dis early afternoon,
so shun bian fetch dar to wrk.
was walkin ard,
bought my shades n FBT attire.

had been out dis few days..
the nxt few days goto stay at hm liao.
lolx~

dono wat to blog..
haas..
sianz sianz sianz~

bck frm camp.
ACS sux.
kill mi den to call mi to tk tt sch again.
the parents support grp ppl r lk shit,
a small handfull of dem were the worse babarians i eva seen.
horrible~

had been so long since i last enjoyed myself.
reli..
met dar up early in the morn for breakfast n movie.
'bee movie' was kind of cute.
my eyes cld bearly open wen i met her.
hang ard till 1 plus 2 n she headed for wrk.
waited for jp till 4.
cherry came too.
left vivo for marina bay to mit up wif ze ju n darren.
haas.
steamboat, here we cum~

the steamboat session was fun.
lolx~
all got 'attacked' by the oil.
nevertheless,
we still cont eatin lk refugees!
haha!

wee!
finali sung K!
aft steamboat,
we mde our way to cine leisure for K.
it was so fun hangin ard wif dem.
we sung for 7hrs!
onli left the place 6 in the morn.
woo~
*tired*
was lk dozin off on the bus while on my way bck hm.

will b mitin all the fantastic 4 ppl ltr.
haas.
yea~
so hapi.
i'm oways lookin forward for all the gatherins.

k la.
goto go preapre liao.
will blog again soon.

last day of bloggin..
returnin to camp tml.

nth much to blog abt actuli.
kor at hm.
one word to say..
SIANZ~

pocket empty.
but wori nt,
gettin pay soon~

i'll b bck in days to kam.
miss mi guys~

i'm fallin ill again.
beri xin ku.

wana fetch dar actuli,
but since kak fetchin her,
den i can rest at hm le.

i wonder if tts true,
but i oways tend to feel certain rejection here n der.
m i bein inferior which i guess i reli m?
or isit tt the world jus cldnt accept the way i m?
i don feel gd at all..

all along i hv the signs n symtoms of depression.
self isolate,
easily agitated,
vex,
self mutilate is the most xtreme part.
aft all tt i've done,
i've realised tt dere's still an empty hole,
yet to b filled in my heart..
all the cuts n wounds jus cause the pain to overlap one another.
mkin mi feel less hurt in the inner whras bleedin on the outer.
it jus feel so empty,
so lonely..

i don lk the feelin of bein alone.
hence i prefer stayin in camp den my own hm.
i nid to b occupied wif stuff,
a thousand pix flash across my mind wen i'm alone.
its scary..
reli scary..
i hate dos feelins..

i nid music to kip mi gg.
hence play music everinite is a 'must'.
dwellin in the fantasy world,
i felt the pressure subsided,
felt certain relieve..

i'm tired.
gg to rest nw.
.. ..

had been hvin werid dreams dis few days..
each dream is gettin more n more vivid.
n for both times,
thx for the rescue frm darlin,
she woke mi up by msgin mi.
phew~

was chattin wif bro.
hmm.
a conversation tt goes without status,
i feel more comfortable den before..

he touch on abt tt bloody fucker again.
cut it!
mkin him run thousands n million rounds ard the entire campsite
oso wun ease my hatred towards him.

damn!
dora found a nokia 6110 navigator!
argh!
she wana sell it away.
sianz~
gif mi ma!!!

she nw askin mi abt psp.
i'm lk psp advicer n consultor lk tat lor!
everione came askin mi..
lolx!~

i jus dwnloaded a few songs.
nw a days din hv much songs to dl.
bored~

finally got the full version of 'remember me this way'.
cool~

man~
ytd saw jon's ipod.
so cool lor!
so slim,
touch screem summore!
its reli nice..
but the price even nicer.
wonder hw dey can bear buyin it.
darlin told mi she nxt mth oso wana buy!
*faint*
NO!!!

i wan ear pcs..
argh~
is lk hvin mp3 without ear pcs,
wats tt man~

had been listenin to Avril Lavigne's 'innocence'..
had tt song so long in my psp.
listen n listen..
so nice~
wun get sick of it..

k la..
gtg prepare liao.
mitin dar ltr.
catchin 'stardust' n 'gameplan'.

oh ya!
speakin of which,
i saw dwayne johnson!
haas.
the rock~
he's tall can~
tooK sumfoto of him,
but in darlin's fone.
cuz is darlin wanted it de.
aint interested in him at all.
kees~
but he aint bad lookin. =)

ahh!
i reli gtg le!
runnin late!!!

*ZOOMM~*

took sum foto wif mummy on sat..
kees~
here it goes~!

















man~
y is mummy much prettier??
life is NOT fair!!!

i luv random pic..
x reli zi lian k~
which i'm reli x..
but random pic jus seems so nice..~


















had been rottin at hm for almost 1 wk..
thur gg bck camp le..
haas.
thou tirin,
but at least i hv sumtin to do in camp.

ltr at nite i feel lk fetchin darlin.
but tml mitin her le leh..
sounds abit redundant.
shld i?
or shld i x?

argh..
i'm so hungry..
gg to look for food nw..
lolx~
did i sound as thou i'm an animal?
erm..
kk..
i mean i'm gg to heat up sum food nw.
haha!

*chao~*

man..
been to daddy office.
its lk dos semi D can~
y isnt our hse lk tat..
sianz~

went to BBQ.
i guess the onli tin i did was to play psp wif keeyong.
suppose to stay overnite,
but mummy din wan,
hence headed hm instead.

bought quite a num of my kayak wear.
those FBT sleeveless n shorts.
finally hv sumtin presentable to wear for kayakin.

tink mummy can hv my psp liao.
she plays more den i play it.
argh~
21 century mother.

i'm gettin slimmer,
yet muscles gettin bigger.
tts wats hpn to u guys wen u became instuctors.

hey!
wait!
watchin star search nw!
*zoom*~

YESS YESSS YESSSSS!!!
chen bang jun got it!!!
WEEE!!!!

mitin dar on tue.
finally hv sumtin to kip mi gg.
argh.

met lin up ytd.
din hv major change,
onli abit bloop bloop.
opps~

suppose to go for movie session tdy.
called it off.

hvin BBQ tml.
wif dad's frenz n all.
sianz.

my mood is super nt rite nw.
gg to jump into my bed,
dozed off, den i don hv to tink of anitin.

woo.
had a tirin day.
dragonboat was indeed a hectic one.
tt stupid capsize drill had mi a special gift,
a big patch of blue black on my leg.
argh~

jus wen i was suppose to hlp a gal up on the dragonboat,
i gave a little pull.
her PFD (life vest) opened up.
everitin jus opened.
wat the.
thx God i'm in the water,
huggin her tite while dos guys on the boat hlp her buckle bck everitin.
tts wat instructors r for.
to save u guy's life.

nth much abt the raftin as none of the raft manage to go far.
tdy's money was easily earned.
lolx~
fu jun n i were simply soakin in water n slpin wen money actuli enter our pockets.
muhaha~
*evil luffter*

aft bathin,
i went bck to dorm,
wantin to finish up all my ev forms but dozed off ultimately.
yes..
frm afternoon,
all the way til nite wen mummy called.
dey came over to fetch mi.
jus so tired man~

din reli hv major sun burnt,
but i look lk a lobster thou.
fu jun too~
hahaha!
we were lk hittin one another's arm lor!
PAIN CAN!!!

all of a sudden my frenster n blog is lk overwhelmin.
my students flooded everitin.
haas.
its ok la.
dey were nice n cute peeps,
but jus a little bz to entertain everi of dem
as most of my days spent in camps.

argh.
my eyes shuttin soon le.
cant hold ani longer.